Biblical Fatherhood - All In The Family Week 9

Biblical Fatherhood

Matthew Bell

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Sermon Summary

In this concluding sermon of a summer series on the family, Pastor Matt preaches from Ephesians 6:4, examining the biblical command for fathers to raise their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. He establishes that Christ must be the central focus of every marriage and family in order to bear godly fruit. Pastor Matt breaks the text into three sections: the specific persons addressed (fathers, who naturally set the spiritual temperature of the home and reflect God the Father to their children), the prohibition against provoking children to anger (guarding against harsh tyranny and destructive words), and the precept to actively discipline and instruct children (guarding against the common male temptation of passive neglect and abdication). He challenges fathers to accept their God-given responsibility, take practical initiative in leading family discipleship, and ultimately rely on the grace of the gospel, remembering that children are saved by God's grace rather than perfect parenting.

Sermon Transcript

Introduction and Series Conclusion

I invite you to open with me in your Bibles to Ephesians, the book of Ephesians. This morning, we're finishing our summer series where we've been focusing on the family over the last few months here as a church. Today is the last Sunday from this series, from Ephesians chapters 5 and 6.

Next Sunday, we have a special guest who will be with us. I'm very excited and honored that we'll have Dr. Joe Boot here with us this next Sunday to bring the word of God to us. Of course, he'll be with us at our family camp that's happening this week. And how many of you are looking forward to that family camp? I think it's going to be a lot of fun. We sent out an email this week with some information on that. If you are going to the camp and you didn't get that email, please see Pastor Mark after service today to make sure you have everything that you need to get ready for family camp. But we've got family camp this weekend, and then this Sunday, we have Dr. Joe Boot, which will be a wonderful time together.

And so this morning, we're going to focus on verse 4 of chapter 6, the very last verse of our passage, but we will, of course, read the whole passage again together to remind us of the context and the flow of it. So I invite you to stand with me this morning as we read the Word of God together. We stand because we want to set God's word apart in our hearts as holy, as unto him. These aren't the words of men. But these are the words of the true and living God.

Ephesians 5:22 says, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother' (this is the first commandment with a promise), 'that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.' Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

Opening Prayer

God, our Father, we thank you for your word. It is that precious lamp unto our feet and light unto our path. Lord, without your word, we would be lost. We would be in darkness. Lord, we would stumble through this life, not knowing what it was we were stumbling over, or the traps of the enemy that had been set before us. But God, because of your word, we know the paths in which we should walk. We know the ways in which we should go. Lord, these things are not a mystery to us because you have revealed them to us clearly.

God, I pray that you would help us as we focus on this final verse, this final message in this series. Lord, looking at fathers and parents, that you would help us as parents to raise our children in the ways of God, and to point them in the direction that they should go. And we thank you for the promises of your word, which are yes in Christ. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.

You may be seated.

Christ Must Be All in All

Before we look at this final verse, I want to draw your attention to something that I think we've probably seen already many times, but I want to make it abundantly clear that when it comes to family and family life, when it comes to husbands and wives, when it comes to marriages and raising children, what we see permeating this whole passage is Christ. It is Jesus. And I want to press this thought into you right as we begin here today that Christ must be all in all. He has to be the center of our lives. He has to be the center of our marriages. He has to be the center of our families and the center of our parenting.

This has been the instruction that the apostle Paul has given us when he looked at each of these relationships. So when he talked to the wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. This isn't something separated from Christ. This is something done as unto Christ. When he gives instructions to the husbands, we are to love our wives as Christ loves the church. Children are to obey their parents in the Lord. And then finally here, fathers are to discipline and instruct their children in the ways of the Lord.

Christ is to be all in all. He is to be preeminent. He is to be number one in every area of life. And if Christ is not central in our families, if Christ is not central in our marriages, if Christ is not central in our parenting, our families will not flourish. Jesus said, if you abide in me, if you live in me, if my word abides in you and lives in you, then you will bear much fruit. If we are abiding in Christ, if we are living in Christ, if he is the central focus and the preeminent force of our life, if he is who we are living for, if he is who we are living for his glory, if he is central, we will bear the right kind of fruit that we want to bear in our lives and in our marriages. And if he is not, we won't. Jesus said, without me you can do nothing.

And so if our marriages, our families, if our relationship to our spouse is cut off from Christ, it will be dead, it will be dry, it will not produce good and godly, lasting fruit. But if Christ is all in all, then we will produce the kind of fruit that we want to see and he wants to see from our lives. This is what Paul has been saying from the very beginning. Every single one of these instructions is attached to the Lord Jesus. Marriage is from him; it's to be lived to him. Husband and wife relate to one another in Christ, children and parents in Christ. It's all about him. You see, when we make marriage about us, now we are going astray. Marriage really is about Christ. It's a picture of Christ and the church. It's to be lived out unto his glory. And when we do that, we will bear much fruit.

Christ must be all in all. In every area of life, this doesn't just apply to family. Of course, that's what we're talking about today, but this applies to every area of life. This is why I began our service this morning with the call to worship that from him and to him belongs all the glory. All the glory unto him.

The Persons: Fathers and Children

Finally here, this verse, chapter 6, verse 4, this last final verse of these instructions on family life: "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." These instructions here to the fathers are broken into three sections. I'll share them with you upfront, and then we'll look at them together. The first is the persons that are addressed. Secondly, is the prohibition, and thirdly, the precept.

Let's first here look at the persons that we are going to look at today. I'm going to invite our projectionist to advance the slide. Thank you. We're looking at the fathers and the children. These are the persons who are addressed here. "Fathers, do not provoke your children."

Now, immediately, because we live in a culture that is the way that it is, I know that many of you may be asking the question, well, what about the mothers? Where are the moms in this? Why doesn't he say anything about mothers? Do mothers have no spiritual impact in the lives of their children? Well, of course not. Of course mothers have great spiritual impact in the life of their children. I, myself, am great witness to that, and many of us here today would say "yes and amen" that our lives have been greatly impacted by the faith of our mothers and even our grandmothers. That would be my testimony, that I learned much as a child of godliness from both my mother and my grandmothers. My testimony is that their impact on my spiritual life was profound, and it continues even to this day.

Even Paul's own protégé in ministry, Timothy—whom he is the pastor of the church in Ephesus, the letter that we're reading—Timothy had been raised by a godly mother and grandmother. Timothy's father was an unbeliever. He was a Gentile. And later, you'll read in 1 Timothy that Paul instructs Timothy to hold tightly to the faith that was handed to him by his mother and his grandmother. And so mothers, of course, have a great spiritual impact on their children. There is no question about that. Much of what I will say here today could be applied to mothers as well in the family. But I think there are several different reasons why Paul singles out the fathers, and I want to highlight them for you this morning.

Why is it about the fathers and the children? The first is that our earthly fathers shape our understanding and our view of God the Father. How our earthly fathers treat us, love us, care for us, influences the way we think about and view God, the heavenly Father. Many of you have struggled with this in your own life because your natural father was not a good, godly representation to you of your heavenly Father. And you have struggled to receive his love or to believe that he loves you because you have struggled with your earthly father and that relationship. And so the first reason why Paul addresses this is to remind earthly fathers that the way you love your children will be a representation in their minds of the way God loves them.

In 1 John 3, it says this: "See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are." That's the revelation that Jesus brought to humanity—that God wasn't some angry God, but that he was a loving Father who is in heaven. This is why when Jesus taught us to pray, he taught us not to pray to the Almighty, not to pray to the Lord of Heaven's Armies, but to pray to "Our Father who art in heaven." And it's an undeniable fact that our earthly fathers leave a mark on us with our view of God. Now that can be for good, that can be not so good. And so fathers, that's why he addresses you.

The second reason is that the spiritual life of the family flows from the spiritual life of the father. The father's spiritual life will dictate the spiritual life and temperature and culture of that family. By addressing the fathers in this way, Paul is not making a prescription. He's not saying this is the way it should be. He's not saying that fathers should set the tone for the spiritual life of the family. He is simply acknowledging that this is the fact of the way that it is. He is simply recognizing reality. Fathers set the spiritual climate for their homes and their families because we, as the head of the household, have been given real authority from God. And this real authority comes with real responsibility attached to it. It flows from our position of headship.

Just as I said earlier in the series that it's not Paul saying the husband should be the head of the house; Paul says the husband is the head of the house. In the same way, fathers, it's not that you should set the spiritual climate for your home; it's that you do. It's not whether you should or not. It's which climate you are setting for your home. You are setting the spiritual temperature of your household.

Now, some of you may be asking, well, what if the father is not a Christian? If the father is not a Christian, him being an unbeliever sets the tone for that family. Some would say, well, what if the father is absent? What if the father has left? His empty seat dominates that family. His absence dominates every aspect of life. Though he's not there, he is still setting the tone for the direction of the family. Now, can a godly mother work extra hard to overcome this lack and this absence? Yes, absolutely. But let's not fool ourselves into thinking that that absence or that unbelief or that abdication of responsibility is not setting the tone that she is then having to work extra hard to make up for.

It's like this. We live in South Texas. Thankfully, we've had a pretty mild summer this year. Jesus, I thank you for that. But we'll remember just a few years ago where we had something like 50 or 60 days over 100-degree weather. It was unbearably hot. Now, I have a house that has four young children in it. And so half of my summer is spent saying this: "Close the door. Close the door." I didn't understand why my parents were always so adamant that we, as children, closed the door until you start paying for the electricity bill. It's so amazing how when you become a parent, all the stuff your parents said just starts coming right out. And so I tell my children, "I'm not paying to air condition all of Texas. I'm only paying to air condition this house."

So how does this apply to fathers? If you leave the back door open when it's 100 degrees outside, can you still cool the house? You can, but you have to run that thing ten times as hard. It is possible. But it is a lot more difficult. It's the same way with a father. If they are rowing in the direction they should be rowing, it's like the door is shut. The temperature can be set. But what I'm trying to say is that the father's temperature, the father's spiritual life, dominates the family. It absolutely dominates the family. Can a godly mother raise her children and make up for the lack? Yes, absolutely, she can. But that's not the way it's supposed to be. It's supposed to be the father training his children, loving his children, showing them a picture of our heavenly Father, and especially not being absent or gone.

It's like gravity. Can gravity be overcome? It can. With enough work and enough effort and enough force, yes, gravity can be overcome. But that's not the natural state of things. And so the father has a gravitational pull to his spiritual life. Fathers, if you love Jesus, and you are passionate about him and passionate about his word, and you have made it your aim to live for his glory, you create a gravity around yourself, and you take your family where you're going.

And fathers, if you are not passionate about the Lord, and you don't care for the things of God, and you only show up at church just to make your wife be nice for the rest of the week, and just so she's not nagging you, but you're checking the score, and you can't wait to get back to the house and to the barbecue and to put away a six-pack... if the central focus of your life is not God, not Christ, not the things of God, you have a gravitational pull to you, and you will pull your family in that direction. It's an inescapable reality. Now, can a godly mother and wife exert enough strength and spiritual life to rescue her children and to pull them out of that destructive orbit? Yes, sometimes. But how much better when the whole family is living for the glory of Christ.

The third reason Paul addresses fathers is that abdicating responsibility is one of man's greatest temptations. I don't have time today, but I would direct your attention to Genesis 3, to Adam in the garden, and his responsibility to care for his wife, to protect his wife, to lead and to guide his wife as the head that God had made him. And his abject and total failure in doing that—allowing his wife to be deceived, allowing his wife to fall into sin, and himself falling into sin after his wife, instead of doing what he should have done and saying, "No, get out of here, devil, you're a liar. We're going to trust and believe in God's word." That's the authority that God had given to Adam, and fathers and husbands, that's the authority that God has given to us. But Adam didn't do that. And when he sinned and God came and asked him why he sinned, what did Adam do? He played the blame game. He said, "The woman you gave me." His first response was to blame his wife, and ultimately to blame God because God is the one who had given her to him. "God, it's her fault. God, it's your fault, but it's definitely not my fault."

That's called abdication. Because we are all sons of Adam, we all have that brokenness in us, that proclivity towards abdication of responsibilities. It is one of our greatest temptations, and so I believe that's another reason why the apostle Paul specifically addresses fathers to remind us of this great calling and responsibility that we have. Mothers typically are more inclined to care for the spiritual condition of their children. I think Paul knows that. And so this is why he specifically addresses fathers to say, "Guys, you've got to get your head in the game." You can't simply delegate this responsibility off onto the shoulders of your wife. This is a burden you were meant to carry and designed by God to carry. Yes, mothers are to be involved in the spiritual formation of their children. That is obvious. But fathers, we have the unique responsibility of ensuring that this gets done. And we cannot delegate this to our wives and say, "It's her job now, I wash my hands of it."

The Prohibition: Do Not Provoke to Anger

The second part of this verse is this prohibition. We see this here in the second part where he says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger." He says, do not do this. And in both this prohibition and then also in the precept, he's protecting us from two extremes. This prohibition is protecting fathers from the extreme of tyranny, of harshness, of ruling the home with an iron fist. Some fathers are this way. They have such a heavy hand in their home that everyone in the home is walking on eggshells all the time. These fathers have no joy in their hearts, and therefore because of that, there is no joy in their home. Their hearts are filled with anger, their hearts are filled with bitterness, their hearts are filled with malice, and they take these things out on their families.

And so Paul here is saying, do not be a tyrant. Do not be overly harsh with your children, because if you are this way, the portrait you're painting of God is one of an angry tyrant. And that is not who God is. God is not an angry tyrant at all. The beautiful portrait we have of God the Father is the story of the prodigal son. After that son who was disrespectful, who squandered all of his father's and family's legacy and possessions, after he wasted it on wild living, when that son came home, what did the Father do? He ran to him and embraced him. This is the picture of God the Father. Not one of an angry tyrant, but one who loves and forgives and is patient and is merciful. And when we are angry, when we are overly harsh, when we are bitter, we paint a false picture of God in the eyes of our children.

Another way that fathers provoke their children is in the words that they speak. Instead of blessing their children, they curse their children. Maybe they curse with four-letter words. But you can curse your children without ever uttering an explicit word. You can curse your children by saying things like, "You are good for nothing," or "You will never amount to anything," or "Life was pretty good until you showed up." Fathers, your words carry immeasurable weight.

In James 3, speaking about our tongues, it says with our tongues we bless our Lord and Father, and yet with it we curse people made in the likeness of God. From our mouths come both blessing and cursing. But he goes on to say, "My brothers, these things ought not to be so." It shouldn't be that we bless God, and we worship God, and we come and we sing his praises on Sunday morning, but then we get to the parking lot and we're speaking down to our children. We're tearing them down. We're ridiculing them. We're speaking death into them and death over them with our words. He asks the question, does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh water and salt water? Of course not. From our mouths should come blessing and worship towards God, and blessing towards our children.

Jesus said that out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. What's in your heart will come out of your mouth. That's why your words are so powerful, because they reveal what's in the heart. So the lesson in this is not "try to control your tongue"; the lesson is deal with the sin in your heart. The book of Proverbs says, tend to your heart because from your heart flows all the issues of life. One way we can know what's in our heart is what is coming out of our mouth. Is it blessing? Is it building your children up? Fathers, you are called to speak blessing over your children in the same way that God the Father speaks blessing over us. We need to see our children through the eyes of faith, as sons and daughters of God, through the eyes of the gospel.

This is a great lesson that I take from my earthly father. He was someone who always spoke blessing over us as his children. He wasn't perfect, but he was a godly man. He told us things that I didn't believe and I thought he was crazy for saying, but he constantly said these things over us. Things like, "You're a champion." I'm fourteen and pimply-faced and fat, I'm not a champion of nothing. "You're a champion. You're a victor. You're an overcomer. There's no weapon formed against you that will prosper." He wouldn't allow us to say the word "can't." He would say, "Say you can do all things through Christ." He constantly would speak these words of affirmation and blessing and victory over our lives. I'm thankful to God that I had somebody in my life who believed in me.

Fathers, your children need someone who will believe in them. You might be looking at your child like, "My goodness, I don't know if I can believe in them." But believe in the gospel. Believe in the power of Christ to work and to transform them and to make them into victors in Christ. Does not the Bible say that we are victorious in Christ? Then believe that for your children. Speak those words over them and remind them of the promises of God. The word of God should be flowing out of your mouth, fathers and mothers, because the word of God should be in your heart. If we love Jesus, we will share with them our love for him and our faith. But if our hearts are cold towards Jesus, we will also share that with them as well.

The Precept: Discipline and Instruction

Thirdly here, the precept. "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." The precept is to discipline and instruct our children. Now, the temptation on the one hand is towards harsh tyranny. That's the prohibition against provoking. But there's another temptation that the precept guards against, and that temptation is passive neglect. Some fathers are not harsh tyrants. They're just in zombie mode. You kind of knock on their forehead—"Hello, anybody home?"—as they're just kind of oblivious, neglecting their families and their children and everything going on around them. That's that sin of abdication.

This word "discipline" is a word our world doesn't care much for today in our culture. We don't hear a lot of people talking today about discipline in any area of life. But we as Christians aren't to be trained by what's fashionable in the culture. Our children need to be disciplined. Of course, it begins with faithful instruction. Consistent instruction. Your instructions to your children should not be a moving target. It shouldn't be a question of, "Well, which version of dad and mom are we going to get today?" But when the instructions are transgressed, when there is disobedience, there must be consequences. We're teaching our children that when we disobey authority, when we disobey the word that's been given to us, there are real consequences in life, and also in eternity. And so we must begin at a young age to discipline our children when they are young, when they are pliable, when they are teachable, before they become hardened and set in their ways.

The book of Proverbs is filled with instructions on disciplining children. The Bible actually instructs us to discipline our children with spanking. Proverbs 13:24: "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." I don't enjoy disciplining my children. I don't enjoy spanking my children. In fact, I could go as far to say it's the least favorite part of my job. Yet, it's part of my job to discipline my children. And when they transgress, when they disobey, when they disrespect the authority in their life, there are consequences. Now, we do not beat our children. We do not abuse our children. Spanking should be an investment. It shouldn't hurt or harm the child, but there should be some pain associated with it. The goal is not to injure the child. The goal is to teach the child that when you disobey God, there are painful consequences. It's much better for them to understand that when they're three, four, five, and six, than when they're 23, 24, 54, and 56, and make shipwreck of their lives.

What we do is we always sit down with the child. We ask them, "What happened? What's going on?" We're trying to draw out what's in the child's heart. "Why did you disobey your mother? Why did you speak to her this way?" Then there's a time of explaining that when we disobey God's Word, there is discipline that comes from that. "It's my responsibility as your father to do this. I don't enjoy this, and yet it's something I must do, because if I don't do it, not only have you disobeyed God, but now I'm disobeying God." So there is a time of swatting, and then we always finish with a time of prayer where we teach the child to ask the Lord for forgiveness, because really it's reconciliation with God that we're after. We explain to them sin and repentance in Jesus and his blood. We lead the children in a prayer of repentance. Then I pray for my child, and I pray God's blessing on them. And then when we're done, I say, "That's it. It is finished." We hug each other, I have them apologize, and then that's it. It's under the blood. It's not being thrown in their face. Once it's done, it's done.

It is not just to discipline them; it is also to instruct them. It says to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Fathers, Paul places this responsibility of spiritual instruction on your shoulders. Hear me clearly: it is not the church's job to instruct your children in the ways of God. It's not Abraham's job as the youth pastor. It's not Richard's job in children's ministry. Fathers, this is your job. Whatever we do here at church is only supplemental. You have your children for 168 hours a week. We have them for one. If you're counting on us to do the job, it's not going to get done.

Now you might say, "I don't know how to do that. Nobody showed me. My dad was a train wreck." Okay. Come and learn. I will show you how to do that. Find a godly man who can instruct you. But what you can't say is, "I don't know how, so I won't." That is not an option. That is abdication.

There are so many wonderful tools that we have to lead our families in worship. Apps, books, catechisms, family devotions. Something we've been doing lately is we're just reading through the book of Genesis chapter by chapter. After dinner, I get out the Bible, read a chapter, we talk about it, pray for our missionary of the month, sing a song, and dismiss. It doesn't have to be a three-hour seminary course. Little children need little nuggets. On the car ride to school in the morning, we have a promise box from my Grandma Bell. I have each of the kids pull out a Bible verse and we talk about it. The point is that Christ is central in our family. Fathers, you shouldn't know more about Victor Wembanyama than you know about Jesus Christ, the Savior of the world. Your kids know what you're excited about. If you're not excited about the Lord, go to him in prayer. "God, I'm not excited about your word. I need your help. I confess this is a sin."

Applications for Fathers

Just a few applications, and then we'll be dismissed here this morning.

Number one, fathers, you need to accept the responsibility. God has placed this responsibility on your shoulders. You need to step up to the plate and say, "I'm not going to be perfect, but God, you've called me to this, and I'm going to step up and do it."

The second thing is you need to take the initiative. You need to start making steps. Men, we know how to get things done if we want to get them done. We know how to chart a course and execute. We need to take the initiative not just in the natural things, but also in the spiritual things. What that means is you just take the first step. You're the one who pulls the Bible out at the end of dinner. You're the one who says we're going to start today with prayer. You don't have to be a theologian. Just take steps and watch how God will bless you.

Number three is we need to rely on the gospel. We need to rely on God's grace. Our children will not serve the Lord because of our great parenting. Our children will serve the Lord because of God's grace in their life. And so we need to be faithful to model God's grace. We need to be faithful to confess sin when we ourselves sin, admit that we are wrong, and ask our children for forgiveness. We need to show that we need Jesus just as much as they do. No one will be saved because of our good parenting. Whoever will be saved will be saved because of the grace of God in their life.

Fathers and mothers, accept this responsibility. You can bring up your children in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord when we make Christ all in all. We are doing this as stewards. Nothing belongs to us. Everything belongs to him, and we are to live everything for his glory. Amen.

Closing Prayer

I want to invite the fathers to stand here this morning. If you're a father here today, I just want to pray God's blessing on you and ask for him to help you in this responsibility. Let us together ask the Lord for help. We can't do this on our own strength. If we tried to do it on our own, it would crush us. But with the power of God and his strength in our lives, we won't be perfect, but we can be faithful.

God, our Father, we thank you for these fathers. Lord, we thank you that children are a blessing from you. And Lord, that you have blessed these men with children to steward, to point their lives in the direction that they should go. Lord, we confess our faults. We confess our sin. We confess that we need your help. Lord, we cannot do this in our own strength. Lord, we cannot do this in our own power or our own wisdom. God, we confess that we are wholly inadequate. And so we need your grace, we need your mercy. We need your guidance. We need your wisdom.

God, help us as we endeavor to be godly fathers who point our children to you, our heavenly Father. Lord, work in the lives of our children. God, save their souls, set them free, help them to be the people you created them to be. I pronounce, Lord, this blessing upon the men of this house and the fathers of this house. Lord, that we will pursue you. We will pursue righteousness. We will pursue faithfulness, and that you will bless our efforts. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

Children Obey Your Parents - All In The Family Week 8

Children Obey Your Parents

Matthew Bell

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Sermon Summary

In this continuation of the "All in the Family" sermon series, Pastor Matt focuses on Ephesians 6:1–3, delivering a message specifically directed at the children of the congregation regarding God's design for their role in the family. He outlines three key instructions for children: the action (obedience), the attitude (honor), and the outcome (blessing). Pastor Matt explains that true obedience to parents must be done "in the Lord" and paired with a respectful heart, serving as a training ground for submitting to God's ultimate authority. He also offers practical wisdom for adult children on how to find ways to honor imperfect parents and stresses the importance of walking in forgiveness. The sermon concludes with an invitation to repent of rebellion and a guided prayer asking Jesus for the grace and help to daily honor and obey both parents and God.

Sermon Transcript

Introduction

If you have your Bibles, open with me to Ephesians chapter 5. We're continuing our series called All in the Family that we're working our way through this passage in Ephesians this summer. Our focus today will be on the first three verses of chapter 6. Next week we'll finish this series. Next week will be the final sermon as we look at the role of the parents, God's design for parents in a family. But today we're going to focus on these first three verses of chapter 6. We'll read the whole passage just to have the context.

After next week, we'll have our family camp, which is coming up August 14th with Ezra Institute. I'm really excited about that. It's going to be a wonderful time together. And then that following Sunday, Joe Boot will be with us on August 17th to bring the word. So that's a little bit of where we are going over the next few weeks, but we've spent the summer just feeling really led by the Lord to make an investment into our families, our family life, and God's design and desire for the family as we see in His Word.

This morning, we're focusing on these first three verses of chapter 6, which speaks to and addresses the children of the congregation. I had a mild heart attack when Josh was dismissing the children, because I was saying, "No, no, no, they have to stay in here today."

Scripture Reading: Ephesians 5:22–6:4

We'll start reading in chapter 5, verse 22. If you'll stand with me for the reading of God's Word. We stand to read God's Word because we want to make sure that it's set apart in our hearts as holy, as unto the Lord. The front of your Bible says "Holy Bible." It's not just any book. This book is set apart. It is the Word of God.

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother' (this is the first commandment with a promise), 'that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.' Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

Let's pray.

Father, we do thank you for your Word. Our hearts are filled with gratitude today for everything that you've done for us in your Son Jesus, and Lord, for the Word that you've given us that reveals you to us, and helps us to live in light of who you are and your work in our lives. Lord, as we address this very important topic today of children, we pray that these words would go down deep into all of our hearts today, and that it would produce good fruit in our lives for your glory, for your kingdom, for the sake of your name. It is in that great name, Jesus, that we pray. Amen.

You may be seated this morning.

Walking Worthy of Our Calling

Just by way of introduction, I want to remind you a little bit of the context of this book of Ephesians. It's maybe my favorite book in the Bible, but certainly at the top of the list of the letters of Paul that is near and dear to my heart. Ephesians has six chapters. In the first three, the Apostle Paul reminds the church of who they are in Christ. He reminds them of what God has done for them in Christ—how God has chosen them, saved them, adopted them, forgiven their sins, and sealed them with the Holy Spirit. They've been saved from their sins by the grace of God. And they've received that grace through faith, through believing in what Christ has done for them. Paul reminds them they are not saved by their own works. Our own works are empty, hollow, and unrighteous. But we have inherited these wonderful blessings from Jesus Christ, our Lord.

Then in chapter 4, Paul shifts from talking about who we are in Christ to talking about how we are to live in Christ. Now that we have been saved, forgiven, and set free from the power of sin, how are we now to live? For the next three chapters, Paul practically shows us how we live the gospel. If you look at chapter 4, verse 1, you can read that shift. He says, "I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called."

To be a believer in Christ is a high calling. I would say it is the highest calling because no one is higher than Jesus. You think of some other high callings in life, maybe serving some noble king or serving in some high position in the government. That could be considered a high and noble calling. But there is no king above our King, King Jesus, and He has called us to serve Him. Just as noble people who have high callings in the natural are expected to live, behave, and conduct themselves in a certain way that reflects well on the person who has called them, how much more the calling we have received from the King of kings and the Lord of lords? We are called to live out our high calling.

The way that we live our lives, good or bad, reflects on the King we serve. We claim as Christians to follow Jesus, and so how we live our lives is a reflection of who it is that we follow and serve. We've spent these last seven weeks looking at the different aspects of the family and how God's people are to approach family life. God has a particular pattern, a particular mold, and a particular structure for the family of His people. But we need to be careful that we don't separate these instructions on family life from what Christ has done for us.

Our calling, as we walk it out in the family, is directly related to what Christ has done for us. It's a response. Christ has given everything for us. He laid down His life, humbled Himself, went to the cross, and died for you and for me. So now, the way we live our lives and seek to obey God's Word is a response. We're not trying to obey God's Word to earn God's favor. God has already shown us His favor in Christ. Now we respond to Him in faith, obedience, and submission to His Word. So wives, if it's submitting to your husbands; husbands, if it's loving your wives; children, if it's obeying your parents—all of it is to be done as unto the Lord, as worship unto Him.

A Direct Message to the Children

Our focus this morning is on these first three verses of chapter 6. Paul here addresses the children in the congregation. This book of Ephesians was a letter that Paul wrote to a church in Ephesus. When they received the letter, they would have gathered together in their worship service and read this letter to the congregation. I find it so remarkable that in this letter, Paul includes specific instructions for the children that are a part of that congregation.

By addressing the children, Paul is showing that they are not just an afterthought. They're not just a nuisance. They're not just, "Let's just shove them over here so that we can get about the real business of the church." No, the children are an integral part of the life of the church. Paul is addressing them because he knows they would be with their parents in the worship service, just as our children are with us today as we practice this on the first Sunday of the month.

Just as Paul addressed the children of the Ephesian congregation, I'm going to address the children of our congregation today. I don't ever remember a sermon specifically to the children when I grew up in church, but that's what we're going to have here today. Children, I'm going to address you today. Just as we address the wives and the husbands, today we are going to address the children who are living in their parents' household.

Children, if you live with your parents today, whether you're two or whether you're twenty, you are under their authority. If you're under their roof, you're under their authority. Of course, as we grow and leave the house, we step out on our own and are no longer under that protection and authority of our parents. But for the children here today who are living with your parents, this sermon is for you. And I know by God's grace, the Lord's going to speak to all of us here today as well.

Paul gives three instructions to the children:

1. The Action

2. The Attitude

3. The Outcome

The Action: Obedience

Children, he begins by saying this. This is the action: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." What is the action? Obedience. That is right.

Who are we to obey? God and Jesus teach us that we should obey our parents. It is God's will for you in your life right now to obey your parents' instructions. Now, you might be wondering, "Why?" Kids are always wondering why. I think the Apostle Paul knew that you would wonder that, because he tells you why. When I was a child, there were a lot of times I did not want to obey my parents. I'm sure there are times when your parents ask you to do something and you think, "I don't know if I want to stop doing what I'm doing and do this other thing."

Why should you obey your parents? It tells you right there in verse 1: "for this is right." God tells us we should obey our parents because it is the right thing to do. In Colossians 3, it goes on to say, "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord." It makes God happy when you obey your parents. If you love Jesus, you want to please Him.

God has given you your parents to care for you, protect you, and provide for you. They are a blessing from God, and He uses them to help you grow up to be the person God made you to be. As parents, we know that you don't belong to us; you belong to God. For a short amount of time, God has placed you children in our care. So children, you are to obey your parents because they are helping you become who God made you to be. If it's right to obey your parents, then it is wrong—it is a sin—to disobey your parents.

I want to draw your attention to the phrase, "in the Lord." This means we should only obey our parents in what we could obey the Lord in. This protects you from doing evil things. I know if you're a child here in this church, you have godly parents. But sometimes in life, even parents can do things that are wrong. We should never obey our parents if they are telling us to do something that is sinful.

The way this comes up the most in our lives today might be in a family where the father and mother have divorced. There may be times where one of your parents says, "Let's not tell mommy about this," or "Let's not tell daddy about this." They're asking you to lie. Is lying a good thing or a bad thing? It's bad. So if your parents ask you to lie, you need to tell them, "I can't lie, because God's Word tells me not to lie." In that way, you can even bring conviction to your parents.

If anybody—a teacher, another parent, a relative—ever asks you to keep a secret from your parents, they do not have your best interest in mind. If they say, "Let's just have this be our little secret," you need to immediately tell your parents. Now, I can already hear my kids asking, "What about a surprise party for mom?" There's a difference between a surprise and a secret. We don't keep secrets from our parents.

The phrase "in the Lord" also means we are doing it as worship to the Lord. If a child is disobeying their parents, they are also disobeying God. If you are living in rebellion against your parents—and this goes for teenagers as well—you're living in rebellion against God. It's a warning sign that your relationship with God is not in a good place.

Because we obey our parents in the Lord, it means we need the Lord's help. To have the Lord's help, you must first give your life to Jesus. I pray you've surrendered your life to Jesus, asked Him into your heart, and made Him Lord of your life. Then you must pray, "Jesus, help me to obey my parents." You really do need God's help.

When I was a child, there were days I obeyed my parents and days I disobeyed. Nothing good ever happened when I disobeyed. I lived with my parents until I got married at 27. I could not think of one single time in those 27 years that I disobeyed my parents and it went well for me. But I could think of many times that I disrespected them and greatly regretted it. Things never go well when you disobey your parents, because when you disobey them, you're disobeying God.

The Attitude: Honor

So the action is obedience. Now let's look at the attitude. The attitude is honor. We see this in verse 2: "Honor your father and mother."

To honor means you value greatly. It means to respect, hold in high regard, and look up to your parents. Paul is quoting from the Ten Commandments; commandment number five is to honor your father and mother. The reason the Apostle Paul brings up the attitude is because you can obey on the outside but still have a bad attitude on the inside. Jesus is more concerned with your heart on the inside than just your actions on the outside.

When your parents ask you to clean your room, what are some ways we could obey but not honor? We could stomp our feet and say, "Why do I have to clean my room? Look at my brother and sister's room! Mom and Dad, your room is a bigger mess than my room!" That is the wrong attitude. When your parents ask you to take out the trash, the right attitude is, "Yes, Mother. Yes, Father. I am so happy to be a part of this family and to contribute to the well-being of this wonderful institution established by God."

This is a high calling, which is why you need Jesus' help. When your parents ask you to do something, pray: "Jesus, help me to obey my parents and honor them. Help me not to be selfish." You can obey without honoring, but you cannot honor without obeying. If you truly have a heart of honor, you will obey.

Children, many of you know the story of the prodigal son. He disrespected his father, took his money, and wasted it. When he came back home, the father forgave him and threw a big party. But remember there was an older brother. The older brother stayed in his father's house and obeyed his father, but he did not honor him. He obeyed with the wrong attitude. When the father welcomed the younger son, the older brother was angry. We want to be like Jesus, who is our great example of both obedience to God the Father and honoring God the Father.

The book of Proverbs says, "A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother." You can make your home full of joy, or full of sorrow. You contribute to the joy in your home by having the right heart of honor. Pray every morning, "Jesus, help me to honor and obey my parents today."

The Outcome: Blessing

Finally, what is the outcome when we honor and obey our parents? The outcome is blessing. We see this in verse 3. Paul says there's a promise: "that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land." If you obey your parents, there will be blessing in your life.

Godly parents want to bless their children. I love to bless my children, but I can only bless them if they're walking in the ways of the Lord. If they are being disobedient and disrespectful, I cannot reward them for that behavior, because then I am training them in the wrong path. But if you honor and obey your parents, it will go well with you. Blessing will come not only from your parents but from God.

Eventually, you will not be under your parents' authority anymore. But your parents are the first authority God places in your life. We need to learn to honor and respect authority because authority comes from God. Rebellious behavior against your parents is rebellion against God. Honoring and obeying your parents is how you learn to honor and obey God. Your parents are like training wheels keeping you upright until you learn how to ride on your own.

If you live a life of rebellion against God, breaking His commandments, it will take your life down a path of destruction and death. The Bible says the wages of sin is death. We need to learn to deal with the rebellion in our hearts while we are young. When your parents ask you to clean your room and you say in your heart, "I don't want to," that is your chance to say, "I need to ask Jesus to forgive me and deal with my sin." When you learn to do that at a young age, it becomes easier at an older age. The consequences of not taking out the trash are minor compared to the consequences of the greater sins we enter into as adults.

If you live a life of submission to God, you will experience God's richest blessings. Jesus prayed to the Father, "Not my will, but yours be done." When your parents ask you to do something, you can even say, "Not my will, but yours be done, parents," and follow Jesus' example.

Here is a simple formula for the children: Obedience + Honor = Blessing. If you obey and honor your parents, you will walk in their blessing. And when you are an adult, if you obey and honor God, you will walk in His blessing.

A Word to Adult Children

I want to say a word for the adult children in here, which we all are. Sometimes when we grow up, we look back and realize our parents were not the most honorable. How do we, as adult children, honor our parents? I think this commandment transcends all ages. As we leave the home, there's autonomy in establishing our own family, but the command to honor remains.

If you look back on your childhood and see your parents did things that were not honorable, we have to look for things we can honor. We can say, "Yes, they failed in this area, but they did this, and it was a blessing to me." Maybe your father wasn't there emotionally, but he provided for you. Maybe your mother wasn't there the way she should have been, but she put food on the table and clothes on your back. You can honor them for that without bringing up everything they did wrong.

Honoring doesn't mean you agree on everything. My father and I disagreed on everything; all our conversations were debates! But you can still honor and respect someone even when you disagree with them. It manifests in your heart, your tone, and your words. Look at King David before he was king. Saul was trying to kill him, yet David still honored the position Saul held as king, even though Saul was a dishonorable man.

If you have a hard time doing that, it's an indication that there is a place in your heart you need to deal with before the Lord. You may be walking in unforgiveness. Unforgiveness can turn into bitterness, and it never stays isolated; it will always spread to your other relationships. You need to confess that sin before the Lord and ask Him to help you forgive. Forgiveness is a process. It can take many years. You might have to pray, "Lord, help me to forgive," and then pray it again five minutes later. Through that process, the Lord brings freedom from our past.

Conclusion and Closing Prayer

In conclusion today, God wants to bless you. God's heart toward you is one of love and blessing. But just like an earthly father cannot bless his children if they are disobeying and disrespecting, neither can God bless us if we are disobeying Him and the parents He has placed in our lives.

Kids, what does your attitude toward your parents reveal about your relationship with God? If you're not honoring your father and mother, it shows you are not honoring God. This is your opportunity to say, "Jesus, forgive me for disobeying and disrespecting. Help me to obey your Word." If you do that, it will go well with you.

I invite you to stand with me this morning. Our prayer teams will be up here and happy to pray with you. Why don't we just bow our heads and close our eyes here for a minute?

Children, have you been obeying your parents? Have you been walking in obedience and honoring them? Or have there been times you've let your own desires creep in and been disobedient? Maybe you've even lied to your parents. This is our chance right now to have our hearts washed clean before the Lord, to have a new beginning. That's the wonderful thing about the gospel—it's full of fresh starts. It starts with asking Jesus to forgive you and asking Him for His help.

I want to lead us all in a prayer today, especially the children. Let's say it together:

Dear Jesus, thank you for loving me. Thank you for sending Jesus to die for my sin. Help me to obey my parents. Help me to honor them. Forgive me for when I don't obey them. Forgive me for my sins. Help me, Jesus, to live for you. In Jesus' name, Amen.

We can pray that prayer every day, and I believe if we do, it will go well with us as we walk with Jesus. Amen.

Unity In Marriage - All In The Family Week 7

Unity In Marriage

Matthew Bell

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Sermon Summary

In this sermon based on Ephesians 5, Pastor Matt explores the biblical design for marital unity, focusing on the profound mystery that "the two shall become one flesh." He outlines five foundational truths: Christ is the only true and lasting source of unity, God is the one who actively joins a husband and wife together, couples must recognize their fundamental oneness, Satan actively attacks this unity through daily spiritual warfare, and the Word of God serves as the ultimate weapon against these attacks. To help couples cultivate and protect their marriages, Pastor Matt provides practical "offensive" strategies—such as praying together, maintaining physical intimacy, and budgeting collectively—alongside "defensive" safeguards, including resolving anger before bedtime, practicing quick repentance, and establishing strict digital and physical boundaries to defend the marriage from external threats.

Sermon Transcript

Introduction and Scripture Reading

If you would open with me in your Bibles to Ephesians chapter 5 this morning. Ephesians 5, we're going to continue our series for the summer, focusing on the family, "All in the Family."

Last week, we had a little bit of a break from our series with my friend, Pastor Ben Bufkin, who was here in town. How many of you appreciate the word that he brought last week about the sufficiency and the authority of God's word and how God's word in our life produces worship and transformation? It was really a wonderful word, and I would encourage you, if you missed it, to get on our website and let it minister to you.

Today, we're back in this series, and we're looking at this text that we have looked at now here for the last several weeks. This morning, we're going to focus on the phrase from verse 31, where Paul says that husband and wife are one flesh. We're going to focus on that phrase this morning, looking at the kind of unity that God desires for us to have as husband and wife in marriage. We'll read the whole passage just so we have the context this morning, but we are going to focus in on that particular portion today. I invite you to stand with me. We'll jump right in to the Word of God today. We'll start here in verse 22:

Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their own husbands.

Husbands, love your wives as Christ has loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that you might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you, that you may live long in the land. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Father, speak to our hearts today through your word. Lord, I know that there are many different people in here, from many different walks of life. Lord, there are those of us here today who are married. There are those of us here today who are not. There are those of us here who are pursuing marriage. There are those of us whose spouses are no longer here with us, but are there in your presence today. Lord, I pray that you would help us, all of us this morning, to see how we fit into your design for the family, that we might have a greater understanding of your work in our lives. Lord, that your word would have that effect that we heard last week. Lord, it doesn't return to you void, but it produces a great harvest. I pray your word would work in our hearts by your Holy Spirit today, that our marriages, our relationships, would bring you glory. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.

You may be seated today.

The Desperation for Jesus in Marriage

This is the seventh message in this series, and we've walked through this passage, looking at, really verse by verse, the relationship of a wife to her husband, the relationship of a husband to his wife. And in all of it, what we've seen over and over again is just how desperate we are for Jesus to be in the middle of our relationships as married couples. Jesus said, "Without me, you can do nothing." And that certainly applies to this passage. It certainly applies to living a life and having a marriage that brings honor and glory to him. If we don't have Jesus in the middle of it, there's no hope for us in any area of life. We need Jesus.

Today, as I mentioned, we are focusing in on this phrase in verse 31: "that the two shall become one flesh." This unity that God designed marriage to have. This might come as a surprise to some of you, depending on your background and how you grew up or even the marriage you might be in, but God actually wants husband and wife to be unified in marriage. For there to be unity among the husband and the wife. Unfortunately, oftentimes the exact opposite is true. Oftentimes there's not harmony, but great clashing and disunity in a home and a marriage. And when that happens, it does not bring honor and glory to God.

Disunity, disharmony, fighting, bickering, tearing each other down with our words, constantly arguing about every little thing under the sun, in no way gives glory to God in marriage. Jesus said this, that every house divided against itself will not stand. Division and disunity in a marriage do not bring God glory. In fact, they are the pathway to divorce. When there's division, disunity, fighting, that is the pathway to eventual separation and divorce. And if we want to, on the other hand, leave a legacy of God-glorifying marriages, representing well what he teaches here, handing on our example of faithfulness in marriage to our spouse, to our children, and grandchildren—if we want to do that as married couples, we must strive for unity in our marriages. It's something we have to work for, something we have to strive for, something we have to labor for. So this is what we're going to be talking about here this morning.

I want to begin by laying out for you five truths about marital unity. We'll start with some truths and then we'll finish today by looking at some applications, some things that we can do to protect the unity of our marriages.

Five Truths About Marital Unity

1. Christ is the Only True Source of Unity

The first truth that you need to know if you're going to have unity in your marriage, if you're going to be one flesh with your spouse, is that Christ is the only true source of unity. I debated on whether to use the word source or to use the word foundation here. Both are absolutely applicable. He is the only foundation for true and lasting unity.

Now, are there other things besides Christ that can unify and bring people together? Yes, there are. There are many other things in life that people unite around, that bring people together. For example, in marriage, people will often have their feelings for one another be their unifying factor. How they feel about one another will be the source of their unity. That's okay in as far as it goes, but that doesn't go very far because our feelings are temporary. Our feelings change all the time. If my marital unity is based on how I feel in my emotions, the unity in my marriage will be like a roller coaster ride. It'll be all over the place because I feel one way one day, I feel another way the next. I feel all kinds of things all the time, and I know that you are the exact same way.

Some married couples let their physical attraction to one another be their source of unity. That's fine when you're 19 and 20, but we're all eventually subject to gravity, the aging effects of the sun, and poor diet, and all of these things. So if simply physical attractiveness is the source of what brings us unity in marriage, what happens when we're not attracted to each other in the way that we used to be? Oftentimes, that unity that was there disappears.

Every other source of unity, whatever it might be other than Christ, is temporary and will ultimately fail. If a marriage is built on, centered around, the foundation for the marriage is anything other than Christ, eventually the cracks will come in. Now, people can stay together. How many of you have known people who have just stuck it out? Because "I said, 'I do,' and I'm just going to stick it out till death do us part, till Jesus comes, or I die, and I hope I die tomorrow because I can't take this anymore." There's a better way to live as a married couple than just sticking it out. That's to be unified around Christ.

You see, Christ is eternal. He's not temporary, and he never fails. So when we base our marriage around Christ, the only source, the only foundation, we are basing our marriage on something that will last and will never fail. Jesus said everything else is shifting sand. Everything else will not stand the storms of life. There are storms of life. It's easy to get along with your spouse when everything's going well. But when things aren't going well, when there are storms and troubles—and tribulation and storms are promised to all of us—what then is the source of our unity? Christ is eternal, and he will never fail. The reason that I, personally, am devoted to my wife is because I am first devoted to Christ. Because he is my king, he is my savior. He has saved me, changed me, forgiven me, given me an eternal hope. He's my Lord. As I seek to serve him, as I come to his word, because he is number one, his word instructs me on how I am to live in relationship to my spouse. And it's the same with Heather as well. Christ is the only true and lasting source of unity in marriage.

Flip back with me to Ephesians 1, looking at verses 9 and 10. This is speaking of God the Father, what he has done for us through God the Son, Jesus. It says in verse 9:

...making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.

This is what God is doing through Christ, through the cross, through the gospel. He is restoring, reconciling, uniting all things back into their proper relationship to him as the Creator. All things united in Christ, things in heaven and things on earth—that includes our marriages. There is no other true source of unity other than Jesus Christ.

Look at chapter 2, verse 14 of Ephesians. Here Paul is speaking about Jews and Gentiles, the strong division that was there. But he says:

For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility.

Oftentimes there's hostilities in marriage. But it's only through Christ that those divisions can be erased, done away with, abolished. The division here he's talking about is between Jew and Gentile. And if God can reconcile Jew and Gentile, he absolutely can reconcile you and your spouse over whatever little squabble you might be having.

Look here at Ephesians chapter 4, starting in verse 1. Paul says:

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call—one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift.

This is how we, as believers in Christ, are called to walk with one another. Humility, patience, bearing with one another in love, maintaining the unity of the Holy Spirit in our marriage, in our homes. Now all of these verses—chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 4—none of them are specifically about marriage. Those are just verses on how to treat one another in the body of Christ. How to treat your brothers and sisters in Christ.

Let me ask you this: Is your spouse your brother or sister in Christ? I'm speaking to Christian couples here this morning. I understand that you may be married to someone who is not a believer in Christ. Paul in 1 Corinthians 7 and Peter in 1 Peter 3 give specific instructions on how we as believers should relate to an unbelieving spouse. But in both of those passages, he doesn't lower the bar. He raises the bar. Because he says, this is how we're to treat one another in the body of Christ, but the bar should be raised when we're treating people outside because we're to be lights to them, that they might come to know and love our Savior. Because we're representing Jesus to them.

But if you're married to a believing spouse, something that we really should meditate on, but I think sometimes we forget, is that your spouse is a member of the body of Christ. If you're a husband, your wife is your sister in Christ. If you're a wife, your husband is your brother in Christ. I don't think we reflect on that enough in marriage. Two believers in marriage share a unity and a bond that will last for eternity. Though our marriage bond here on Earth will not last for all eternity, our union with each other in Christ will. And it's important for us to recognize this, because all of the instructions we have in the Word of God about how to treat our brothers and sisters in Christ apply to our marriage. How awful would it be for us to have this high standard for how we treat our sisters in Christ—I'll just speak to the husbands here—we come to church, we endeavor to live by the Word of God and treat our sisters in Christ this way, and at home we don't do it. How awful would that be? That we don't treat our spouse like our brother and our sister in Christ.

All of the "one anothers" in the Word of God that speak to how we as believers should treat one another apply to marriage. Be at peace with one another, accept one another. Do not grumble against one another. Be of the same mind with one another. Clothe yourselves with humility. Love one another, serve one another, encourage one another, build each other up, speak the truth to one another. Teach and admonish. Be kind, tenderhearted, forgiving one another. Bear with one another. Don't complain against each other. Serve each other. Give preference to one another, prefer one another in honor. Confess your sins. Do not bite and devour one another. Do not envy, do not lie, do not judge, do not slander one another. Yes, they're your spouse. Yes, they're your wife. Yes, they're your husband. But they're also a child of God. We, as believers in Christ, are called to treat the people of God in a particular way. And all of those apply to marriage. Christ being the source of our unity means seeking to obey his word in our relationships with our spouse.

When I was considering pursuing Heather, before I did, I went and sat down with her father, who's here today, Doug Pittman. I asked his permission to begin speaking with her. I told him my intentions. I wasn't saying I was going to marry her. I just wanted to pursue her. He gave me his blessing, and he also said, "Just by the way, if you mistreat her, I can swing a 9-iron really hard." There was a little bit of a joke in that, and a little bit that's not a joke. He was telling me, in no uncertain terms, you better treat my daughter right. If it's that way with earthly fathers, how much more with our heavenly Father? We better treat God's daughters right. We better treat God's sons right. Christ becomes the only true and lasting source of unity as it's an expression of my relationship with the Lord, that I seek to keep God's word towards my spouse. Everything else will eventually fade and fail.

2. God is the One Who Unites Husband and Wife

God is the one who brings husband and wife together in marriage. Flip over with me to Matthew 19. The Pharisees come and ask Jesus a question about marriage and divorce. In verse 4, Jesus says this:

"Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'?"

That portion, we see Paul quoting in our passage, Ephesians 5. But here in verse 6, Jesus goes on to say:

"So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate."

God is the one who unites husband and wife in marriage. It is not the pastor who pronounces them husband and wife who unites them. It's not the priest. It's not the state or the government that makes man and wife one. Marriage is a covenant that is sovereignly administered by God. He uses a minister to make the pronouncement, but God is the one who joins husband and wife together. His argument is: if you didn't do the joining, you don't have the right to do the separating. We cannot break what God has put together.

God's plan is for faithfulness, fidelity, for us to keep God's word towards our spouses, loving them, cherishing them, protecting them, honoring them. We live in a fallen and broken world. Many people do not remain faithful to their vows. Many people, even Christians, try to build their marriage on some foundation other than Christ, which eventually leads to catastrophe. When a spouse separates from you and breaks their vows, you need to understand that you are not the one who did the separating. They broke what God put together. In those circumstances, when there's been unfaithfulness, there enters in sin and separation, and the believing spouse is free. The Apostle Paul is very clear on this in 1 Corinthians 7; the believer is free to remarry in the Lord.

But divorce is not the goal of marriage. Faithfulness, fidelity, humility, bearing with one another in love, leaving a godly legacy, a testimony to Christ and his work is the goal. We all know we can't have the kind of marriage God wants us to have in our own strength. If there's any good in marriage, any faithfulness, any true and lasting and abiding love, it brings glory to Christ because in and of ourselves, that's nothing we can produce.

3. Because God Has United You, You Are One

I know that sounds elementary, but this is a fact that we can forget. Sometimes we think that there's two people in a marriage, but there really is one party. This is what the text says: God has joined them together, there is no longer two, but one flesh. You need to view yourself and your spouse as one. Why? Because you are one. Is that not what the text says?

You need to recognize this and constantly remind your children of this. My children love to pit us against each other. They're experts at trying to weasel their way in between me and my wife to get what they want. I remind my kids all the time: "No, Mom said this. We're one. What she says counts for me. What I say counts for her. You're not going to get us to start disagreeing with one another." I have wonderful children, but just like me, they're sinners too. And where do they get it from? They get it from me, their sinful father. I'm able to recognize it very quickly.

Husbands and wives, you need to understand you are one. You need to remind yourself of this, and this is something God needs to give you by revelation. You might say, "Well, I feel like there's two of us." It's probably because there's some disunity there. There's probably some things you're not unified on that you need to resolve and work through. When there's true unity in marriage, there is this oneness that comes between husband and wife that is glorious and beautiful and is a perfect reflection of Christ and the church. Paul says husbands should love their wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. If I mistreat my spouse, I'm mistreating myself. If I attack her, I'm just shooting myself in the foot, because we are one.

4. Satan Will Attack Your Unity

Because you are one and have been made one by God, Satan will attack your unity. We see this in Genesis chapter 3 at the beginning of the human story. Satan does not even show up until there's a marriage. It's only after man and woman have been brought together that Satan begins to attack them because Satan hates marriage. Good, godly marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. He wants your marriage to fail.

What this means is that every single day of marriage is spiritual warfare. We don't get a day off. Sometimes when we think of spiritual warfare, we think of The Exorcist or magic spells. Listen, that's not spiritual warfare. Spiritual warfare is the battle between truth and lies. That's it. Principalities, powers, strongholds—it's through lies entering in. The lies of our emotions, our feelings, and our misunderstandings are all lies we have to be on guard against. Every day is spiritual warfare, but not spiritual warfare against your spouse. You are one with your spouse. Your spouse is not your enemy or your competition. You are on the same team. Spiritual warfare in marriage is you and your spouse against the devil.

5. Our Weapon in This Battle is the Word of God

Your marriage will be attacked by the devil in a daily battle, and we have one weapon to fight against him: the Word of God. Are you skilled and trained in the Word of God? Do you know it? Are you so trained in the truth that when Satan sows lies into your marriage, you are able to spot them? If you're not, there are things you can do. You can read the Bible every day. You can go to Kingdom Bible Institute (KBI). You can get in a community group together. You need to be trained in the truth. This is a daily thing: God's word daily washing over us, daily reaffirming our commitments to the Lord as we spend time with him in his word.

Practical Applications for Marital Unity

I want to finish today with some applications. How do we apply these truths? The first is that we need to play offense in our marriage; that's being proactive. The second is we have to know how to play defense; that's being reactive. Proactive means the things we're actively doing to produce and protect unity. Defensive means how we defend against the things that come our way.

Playing Offense: Proactive Steps

First and foremost, pray with your spouse. There is something so powerful when a husband and wife pray together and for one another. If you're not doing that, today's your day to start. Don't look back at the wasted years; that's the devil's way of keeping you in bondage. If you have little kids in the house, it's difficult to spend hours in prayer, but you can make it part of your daily life. Just praying together at the beginning of the day as you head off to work, asking for God's blessing and protection, is a powerful weapon. It's very difficult to pray bad things for somebody. When there's friction, praying together forces God to start working in my heart to genuinely ask for their good.

Number two: encourage each other with the Word of God. Share Scripture with one another. Make the Word of God central in your home. It reorients everybody's heart around the truth after we've all gone our different ways throughout the day.

Thirdly, worship the Lord together. You're here doing this today—great. Make this a priority. Here's something we can grow in: when you hear the word of God preached, take that word and chew on it together throughout the week. Spend time on Sunday evening or Monday saying, "What was it the Lord spoke to you? How are we going to live this out this week?" Then hold each other accountable with positive encouragement. Don't let distractions take away the seed of the Word of God before you even make it to the parking lot.

Another thing that protects unity proactively is having consistent physical intimacy with one another. That one-flesh union involves the sexual union of a wife with her husband. Paul talks about this in 1 Corinthians 7:3-4, that this is something we owe to our spouse. We have pledged fidelity to one another. The flip side is making ourselves available to guard and protect each other because our flesh is weak. The Puritans had a beautiful saying for intimacy in marriage: "due benevolence." D-U-E, due benevolence. We owe this love to one another. Try texting your spouse, "We're going to have some due benevolence today." See how it works! But it needs to be a regular part of marriage. If not, Paul says you make room for the devil.

I would also encourage you to have a clearly defined purpose statement for your family. What is your marriage about? If it's only personal satisfaction, that's too low. In my family, we have a very clear understanding that the chief end of man is to glorify God. When you both understand that the purpose of your marriage is for the glory of God, it becomes the lens through which you evaluate everything. You're working together towards the same goal, not butting heads.

I would also encourage you to have a monthly budget. A lot of conflicts arise over money. In marriage, there is ourmoney. You are one. My kids will say, "Dad, she doesn't make money, she stays at home, you decide." I remind them, "It's not my money, it's our money." She contributes to this household just as much as I do. You both bring it to the table, budget together, and decide how you are going to spend it for the glory of Christ.

Finally on offense, carve out time together regularly alone. Get the kids in bed early, and spend time together without the children. Make it a priority once a week.

Playing Defense: Reactive Safeguards

Let me run through defense really quickly. Number one is: do not go to bed angry. Ephesians 4:26 says, "Do not let the sun go down on your wrath." We have arguments, we don't always agree, and sometimes we get angry. But we need to make sure we don't go to bed angry. That doesn't mean we will agree before going to bed, but it means we have reconciled and cleared the air. We reaffirm our love and commitment, saying, "We'll continue to discuss this later, but honey, I love you, you love me, and we love Christ." When we go to bed angry, we make room for the devil.

Secondly, be quick to confess your sins and repent. When you sin against your spouse—and news flash, you are a sinner—be very quick to confess, ask for forgiveness, and repent. Take it to Jesus and get it under the blood as quickly as possible.

Thirdly, guard your spouse from outside criticism. This can come from family, often from a father or mother who is critical of your spouse. There comes a day when you leave your father and mother, and you say, "Mom and Dad, thank you, but you need to be quiet. I love you and honor you, but I'm not going to listen to you criticize my wife or my husband." Husbands, you can't go riding off to Mommy every time you have a spat with your spouse to hear her tell you how good you are and how bad your wife is. Do not allow outside voices to bring criticism.

Next, have proper digital safeguards. This includes blockers on devices and open access. Your spouse should know your passwords. If they ask to see your phone, you should hand it over without hesitation, day or night. If there's hesitation, there's a real problem.

Lastly, put proper physical safeguards in place. This would include things like the Billy Graham rule. My dad taught all his sons never to be alone with a woman who is not our wife. That is an honorable standard that shows you care deeply about protecting your marriage from the devil's attacks. A wife should have the standard never to be alone with another man, and a husband never alone with another woman.

Conclusion and Closing Prayer

The only true source of unity is Christ and his word. As we seek to live under his lordship, we can pursue unity in our marriages for his glory. When Christ is the standard and the unifying factor, he glues us together. The storms of life will come, but with Christ in the middle, our houses will stand and he will be glorified.

I invite you to stand with me as we close today. If you're with your spouse, I encourage you to take their hand. I want to pray a blessing over the marriages that are here today.

Father, I just thank you for the marriages of this house, the marriages of Christ as King Church. Lord, I thank you for the gift of marriage and the godly spouses you have given us. None of us are perfect, but I thank you that you've shown us in your word how we can live at unity with one another. I pray that as we seek first your kingdom, you would produce such unity, peace, love, and joy in our marriages that we would be a reflection of you, Jesus, and the church. Even the watching world would look and take note. We confess that without you we can do nothing, but with you all things are possible.

For those going through a difficult season, I pray you would build their faith to trust and obey your word. Where there's brokenness from past hurts, bring deep and lasting healing. I declare freedom over the marriages of this house from hurts, abuse, and words spoken. We lay those things down at the foot of the cross. Lord, unite our hearts together. Put a love in our hearts for our spouse that is eternal, unwavering, and based on your steadfast love. Help us to live this way, not out of selfish ambition, but as a desire to see you glorified in our homes and our families. In Christ's name, we pray. Amen.

The Need For Expositional Preaching

The Need For Expositional Preaching

Ben Bufkin

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The Husband's Duties - All In The Family Week 6

The Husband's Duties

Matthew Bell

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Sermon Summary

In this sermon from the "All in the Family" series, Pastor Matt preaches from Ephesians 5 on the husband's duty in marriage, summarizing it in a single word: love. He explains that a husband's love must be patterned after Christ’s perfect love for the church, outlining four key aspects of this calling. First, it must be a sacrificing love, prioritizing selfless action and giving over mere words. Second, it is a sanctifying love, where the husband takes initiative in washing his wife with the Word of God and shepherding her spiritual growth. Third, it requires a sheltering love that cherishes, honors, and protects her as a delicate vessel against the enemy's deception. Finally, it must be a strengthening love that spiritually nourishes the family through the husband's own vibrant, disciplined walk with Christ. Acknowledging the impossibility of meeting this standard in human strength, Pastor Matt concludes by urging men to humble themselves, confess their inadequacies, and rely entirely on the sustaining grace and power of Jesus Christ.

Sermon Transcript

Introduction

If you have your Bibles open with me to Ephesians chapter 5, we will be again looking at our theme verse on the family. We're in a series called All in the Family. We're spending time this summer looking at the family, God's design for the family, God's purpose for the family, and how each of us are called to live out our lives in relation to that.

Last week, of course, we looked at the wife's duties in a marriage, and this Sunday, this morning, we're moving on, and today we're looking at the husband's duties in marriage. But next Sunday, we'll take a brief break from our series, and we have a special guest speaker who will be with us next Sunday morning, and that's my dear friend, Pastor Ben Buffkin. He'll be here ministering for us next week, and I'm really looking forward to having him here and spending some time with him. He'll have his wife, Estelle, here with them as well. So that'll be next Sunday, a little bit of a break, and then we'll jump back into this family series.

Scripture Reading

So today, from Ephesians chapter 5, we're looking at the husband's duties in marriage. The husband's duties in marriage. So I invite you, if you would, stand with me this morning. We're gonna jump right in today. We're not gonna waste any time getting into God's Word. We're going to be looking at, again, this theme verse. We've looked at it several times, but again, this morning, Ephesians chapter 5 will start here in verse 22. It says:

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother' (this is the first commandment with a promise), 'that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.' Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

Let's pray.

Father, we do thank you for your word. It is that lamp unto our feet and light unto our path. Lord, though our world and our culture and our nation has chosen to walk away from the light of your word, to not follow after the path that your word outlines, nevertheless, God, you have called us out of darkness and into light.

And so today, God, I pray that you would help illuminate our paths by the light of your word. Lord, that this word to us would be your word, not the words of an apostle or the apostle Paul, but your words inspired by the Holy Spirit. And Lord, that you would show us where in our lives we need to yield ourselves more completely, humble ourselves, submit ourselves to you fully, and that we would live for your glory, that we would live shining as lights in a dark and dying world. In Christ's name we pray. Amen.

The Husband's Duty: Love

You may be seated this morning. We did focus on last week the duties of a wife in marriage, and if you were not here last week, if you missed it, I would encourage you to go and listen to that. But today, we are starting here in verse 25 with the husband's duty in marriage.

Now, as I mentioned last week, sometimes we don't like that word "duty," especially as tied to marriage, because often we think that duty and romance aren't compatible. They seem like they are at odds with each other. And I reminded us last week that when we get married, we make vows to one another. And in those marriage vows, one of the things that we promise is that we will perform unto our spouse all of the duties that we owe them as their spouse. Duty does not have to be a drudgery. Duty can be a glorious thing, can be an honorable thing, can be something to be admired when someone is faithful in keeping their word and keeping their vows, even in the midst of great, sometimes hardship and difficulty. And so this is what we're looking at here today. Where do we find these duties that we have vowed to in marriage?

Now, I know that there's many people here today that are not married, and maybe you are looking for a spouse. Maybe you're here a single lady today looking for a husband. As we start to walk through what these duties are, this should paint for you a portrait of the kind of man that you are looking for in a husband. So even though you are not a wife here today or you may not be married here today—maybe you're a single man here today that aspires to be married—you need to know that when you do get married, this is what God is calling you to as a husband. And wives who are here today, you might say, "Well, what does this have to do with me? This is just for my husband." You can even begin to pray and intercede that God would help your husband to be the kind of man that he has called him to be, that we will see here revealed in God's Word. So there truly is something in here for everyone here today.

But the husband's duty can be simply summarized in one word: love. Husbands, your duty is love. To love your wife. And I'm glad that God made it simple for us. One word. Love. What is my duty? Love. And if that's all you hear today, and that's all you take away today, I will have been successful this morning. Love, that is what we are called to. We are called to love our wives. The whole of our duties can be summarized, are encapsulated in this one word: love.

Now, a husband's love for his wife will never compare to the measure of Christ's love. Christ's love truly is without limits. Without measure. The way in which Christ has loved us, has laid himself down for us, we could never, even on our best day, hope to love our wives in the measure of Christ's love. But yet, we are called to pattern our love after the way Christ has loved us. Our capacity as human beings is limited. We're limited in our abilities. We're limited in our capacities. We're limited in even our energy levels. But in all of those things, Christ is not limited. He is eternal. Our motives, oftentimes, even in marriage, are not pure. They are compromised, but his motives are perfectly pure. The measure of Christ's love we could never compare to, but the pattern—the pattern we can imitate the best we can, the kind of love that he displays towards us, his church.

So the question arises, how did Christ love the church? He says that we are to love our wives as Christ loved the church. In what ways does Christ show his love for his church? And how well, husbands, you are able to answer that question will relate directly to how well you are able to love your wife. So if I ask you, husbands, "How has Christ loved the church?" and you say, "Uh, I don't know," that tells me a lot, not just about your relationship with God, but now your relationship with your wife. It tells me you don't know how to love your wife if you don't know how Christ has loved you.

And so this makes meditation and reflection on the work of Christ paramount to the husband fulfilling his duty to his wife. Meditating on the love of Christ is not simply a theological exercise. It becomes an immensely practical exercise, because the better I am acquainted with, I feel deeply Christ's love for me, the better I can then as a husband go and show that kind of love to my wife. So before we even get into how Christ has loved us, I want to ask you husbands, how often do you think about, meditate on, dwell on Christ and his love for us, his love for you? If you don't think much on Christ, you won't be fulfilling, living out the duty to which Christ has called you. We must be well acquainted with the love of Christ, meditating on his love, often, daily, moment by moment, so that we can love our wives the way he has loved us.

So this morning, we're gonna look at five—four. I've cut it down. Four aspects of Christ's love. Four aspects of Christ's love. And you might, like me, after we look at these four aspects today, you might say, "I need to grow in all of these." And that's how I felt this week preparing this sermon. And let me just say, I'm not sharing these with you as the person who lives these perfectly by any stretch of the imagination. My guess is go talk to Heather after church, and she can give you probably a whole list of ways in which I fail in this. I'm not presenting this to you as the person to follow. I'm presenting this to you as this is what God's word says, and this is what God has called us to. And so like me, I'm sure all of you husbands, and even single men who aspire to marriage, would say, "I need to grow in all of these aspects of Christ's love." But as I present these four to us this morning, I want to encourage you: pick one. Pick one. Take one that you are the weakest in, and say, "This week, I am going to endeavor, by the grace of God and the power of the Spirit, to grow in my showing of love, this kind of love to my spouse." This week, and then next week, take the next, and so on. Start where you lack the most because that is the easiest to begin to make up ground.

1. A Sacrificing Love

So number one, we see in this a sacrificing love. Sacrificing love. Husbands, verse 25, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Jesus sacrificed for us. He gave himself. He loved so much. John 3:16, the most famous verse in the whole Bible:

"For God so loved the world that he gave..."

He gave. So this kind of love, this sacrificing love, this love is an action. There's the famous song that says love is a verb, not a noun. It's a verb. Love is not love without action. If there's no action behind it, there is no love. Love is not expressed simply in words or simply in feelings. The truest expression of love is not in word, but in deed. In living out our love.

Now, words are wonderful. I love words, and we should, husbands, express our love to our wives in our words. And rightly expressed words can stir our emotion. They can even entice romantic feelings, which is great. I am all for that. But some men think that this is the extent of love. That simply making grand statements and gestures and declaring their passion and love is the sum total of what it means to love somebody. But they follow it up with no action. They don't live out what they express. There is no giving, there is no sacrifice. Instead, often these grand expressions are not rooted in a heart of love at all, but end up rather being self-serving.

Sometimes men use charming words to bend young women to their whims and even sexual advances. So young single ladies, do not fall for a man who is simply a smooth talker. Action is what matters. Action is what matters. And if you are with a man who is not respecting you as a woman, by pursuing you outside of marriage, hear me, that man does not love you. He loves himself. He loves himself. He's only interested in what he can get. But Jesus's love is a love that gives. A love that gives, a love that pours out. Jesus gave his very life. He poured out his very blood. There are many smooth talkers in the world who want to talk their way into a young lady's bedroom, but have no intention of commitment, have no intention of sacrificing whatsoever. Don't fall for a man like that. It is much better to be married to an ineloquent man of great character than a selfish, smooth talker who is morally compromised. Action is what matters.

The missionary Amy Carmichael said this about love. She said:

"You can give without loving, but you can't love without giving."

God so loved the world that he gave. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave. It's an action. And what was it that Christ gave? It says he gave himself up for her. This is the love of Christ. It's not always pretty. Sometimes it's a little gritty. When you look at the cross, it's a horrific display, truly. But it's the most beautiful thing in the world. Jesus laying down his life, suffering, suffering for his bride. Taking upon himself what we deserve. Our sin, our shame, so that we could be clothed in his righteousness. There is no greater love than the love of Christ. There is no greater example of love than Christ's love. God showed his love for us in this: while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. He gave himself. He gave all of who he is. He gave his everything. And this shows us that he loved us more than he loved himself.

And this is the type of love that a husband is called to show to his wife. A selfless love. A love that's not about, "What can you do for me?" See, the world's love is totally transactional. It's not really love at all. But it's totally transactional. "I'll love you as long as I get what I want out of this relationship." No, love is not about getting, love is about giving. Christ loved, he gave, he gave himself. He laid his very own life down, a selfless love.

I think that many husbands—and if I ask the husbands in here today, the husbands who are willing to give their lives for their wives, they would be even willing to die for their wives if I asked that. I bet every single husband would stand in here this morning. "Yes, I would be willing to die for my wife." I think many of the husbands in here, we would not hesitate in a moment to stand in the face of great danger if it meant protecting our wives. But the great irony is that sometimes those same husbands who would so quickly lay down their lives, oftentimes are so selfish when it comes to the day in and day out living with their wife. We would die in a moment. But Jesus calls us to die every day. To lay down our life every day. We would go out in a blaze of glory. But we think, "Well, how much glory is there in this daily sacrifice, this daily surrendering, this daily giving?" If we are willing to lay our lives down for our wives in a moment of glory, we should be willing to do it in the small things as well. Amen.

What this shows us is that this headship that it talks about, that Christ is the head of the church and the husband is the head of his wife... Because Christ is our example, he shows us that headship is not tyranny. Headship is not tyranny. Headship is not trampling, just as Christ is not a tyrant in our lives, but he is gentle, he is lowly, he is humble. He serves us. So likewise, husbands are not called to be tyrants towards their wives, but are called to be selfless, not selfish. That's that sacrificing kind of love.

2. A Sanctifying Love

The second kind of love is a sanctifying love. We see this in verse 26 that Christ gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her. And it tells us how he does this: by cleansing her, that's the church, by the washing of water with the word.

Jesus's love is a sanctifying love. It is a cleansing love. Jesus washes us with his word, even right now. As we are receiving his word, it is washing over us. It has a purifying effect in our lives, cleansing out our old way of thinking and replacing it with his way of thinking, which is the reality, which is truth itself. So his word washes us and he himself washes us with his word. But his word not only washes us and cleanses us and purifies us. His word refreshes us. It is a refreshing thing to be sanctified in his word. His word strengthens us. Have you received strength from the Word of God before? The promises of God? His word encourages us. Have you ever been down, discouraged, feeling the weight of the world, and you come to God's word, and it brings courage and builds you up? It lifts you up as you reflect on the all-consuming promises of God that are yes and amen in Christ. So God's word, it purifies, it cleanses, it refreshes, it encourages, it strengthens us. These are Christ's words to us and what they do in our lives.

And in a similar way, husbands are called to sanctify their wives with their words. So two thoughts on this. Number one, husbands, what kind of words are you speaking to your wife? Are they in the pattern of words that Christ speaks to us? Sanctifying words, cleansing words, encouraging words, strengthening words, pure words. Are they those kinds of words? Are they words that build up? Praising our wives for who they are and how they are a life to us, a spouse to us, a companion to us, a help to us. Or are they words that tear down? A critical spirit. Always finding fault. Nothing she ever does is good enough. Always needs a little tweak, always needs a little adjustment. What kind of words are you speaking to your wife? Are they after the pattern of Christ's sanctifying word? Or are they after another pattern of words tearing down?

I think this is an area that we must seriously consider. "Am I building my wife up with my words or am I tearing her down?" Listen, if you're tearing your wife down with your words, you're tearing your own house down. Jesus says, no one ever hated his own flesh. We should love our wives as we love our own bodies, care for our wives as we care for our own bodies. If you tear your wife down, you're tearing yourself down. We are one flesh. What kind of words would you like someone to speak to you? Do unto others how you would have them do unto you. The golden rule. What kind of words are you speaking to your wife? That's the first thought. Are they like Christ's words?

The second thought on this is that the best words you could ever speak to your wife would be God's word. Would be the scripture. This is the only perfect thing on planet Earth. This is it. There's nothing else perfect in this world. Everything else is at fault, everything else is tainted by sin. Even our own love for one another will be imperfect. There's only one perfect thing in this world. Of course, it is the word of God. It's God's word. And so the best words that I could ever speak to my wife would be God's Word. Those words would be perfect. And so how can I do that unless I am hiding God's word in my heart? Unless I am daily spending time in God's word. You can try all your life and you will never find any words better than these. You will never find more powerful words, you will never find more transforming words. So husbands, it is our duty to speak God's word to our wives. Words that cleanse, words that refresh, words that encourage, words that strengthen.

Just as Jesus washes us with his word, and this shows his ongoing commitment to our flourishing in our spiritual life. Just as Jesus takes responsibility upon his shoulders for our spiritual life, for our spiritual condition, husbands, we are likewise called to take responsibility of our wives' spiritual state, spiritual condition. This is something God has called us to. Husbands, the state of your wife's spiritual life, it is our responsibility. God has placed her under our care. We must take this on our shoulders.

Now, of course, wives as individuals are accountable to God for their actions, for the state of their soul, absolutely. I'm not negating that at all. Of course, as an individual, she is accountable to God. But she is also under our care as part of our family. And husbands, it's our job to shepherd our wives' souls. You husbands are your wife's first pastor. Shepherd. This love that is sanctifying. I want you to feel the weight of this responsibility. This means this sanctifying love, it means that we are loving our wives in such a way that they are growing in Christ, that they are flourishing in Christ, that their love for Jesus and Christ and his kingdom, and his word, and his will, and his ways is growing, not diminishing.

Here's a thought I want us to consider today, husbands. Is your wife more like Jesus because she is married to you? Are our wives more like Jesus? Are they growing in the image of Christ because she is married to you, or is she more like Jesus in spite of you? There are positive forces in our growing in Christ, and there are negative forces in our growing in Christ. We can grow in Christ through encouragement, people coming alongside of us, helping us, leading us, guiding us. That's positive reinforcement. And then there's the negative. Where we are being tested, where we are being tried, where our patience is being put to the limit, and we are having to show the love of Christ despite how we are being treated. Husbands, which one are you in the life of your wife? Are you the positive influence helping her grow in Christ, or is she growing in Christ in spite of you, in response to your negative influence in her life?

I pray it is the positive. Because truly that is our calling. That is our calling to shepherd our wives' souls. Sharing the word of God. Making the word of God, and our commitment to the word of God, central to our life together as husband and spouse. That is our calling. Taking this responsibility, not just for our own spiritual condition, but for hers as well, on our shoulders. This requires us to take initiative. To be a leader, to be out front, not to be lagging behind.

I'm going to meddle with you right now. If you didn't think I was meddling, here we go. Buckle up. Husbands, your wife shouldn't be the one to say, "Are we going to church tomorrow?" Ever. In fact, husbands, that should never be a question in your house. It should be a given. Do you think Heather asks me on Saturday night, "We going to church tomorrow?" It's not a question. It's not a question. You say, "Well, that's your job, and you have to show up." Yeah, it is. But, even when we go on vacation, we go to church. It's not even a question. Why? Because this is the Lord's day. And God's people are called to be in his house and worshiping him and taking the Lord's supper and focusing on him on the Lord's day. Husbands, this needs to be a settled issue. As for me and my house, we serve the Lord. On the Lord's day, we're gathering with God's people.

I understand things come up. I understand people get sick. I'm not saying there's no extenuating circumstances, but what I am saying is it shouldn't be your wife driving this bus. You're the head of your household. You should be driving this spiritual bus. If you have children in the home, you should be getting the children ready on Saturday night. It's time to start thinking about tomorrow morning. You know what? I can't remember when it was. It was a few Sundays ago. I wasn't preaching. I think Pastor Mark was preaching, and maybe it was after I had back surgery or something. I woke up on a Sunday morning, and I couldn't believe how easy it was to get here by 10 o'clock. Like, we would have had to try to be late to not be here by 10 a.m. Like, it's so late in the day. We got up, we lounged around, we had our coffee, we read our Bible, we had breakfast. It's like, "Well, I guess we could get the kids up." We got the kids up, we got them dressed. It was the easiest thing. 10 a.m.? 10 a.m.? Like, it hadn't really dawned on me how easy it is to get somewhere by 10 a.m., just until a few weeks ago, when I just came to church, and we strolled in here 20 minutes before church, and it was like, because there's nothing else going on.

Now, if you stay up till 1:00 a.m., 2:00 a.m., 3:00 a.m., watching whatever show you're watching, filling your mind with, you know, whatever, then you're going to be a little bit groggy on Sunday morning. But if you say, "No, we're going to go worship God tomorrow. I want to meet with God tomorrow. I want my mind to be alert. I want my heart to be tuned. I want my heart to be ready." Husbands, drive the bus for your house. Amen. Man, y'all are whatever. Whatever. This is God's word, okay? You don't like it? You take it up with him.

So taking responsibility requires taking initiative. That means you're out front. That means you're the leader. It means you are responsible for the spiritual growth or lack of it in your household. And if there is not spiritual growth, you need to get your gear engaged. You need to say, "Okay, what is going on here? Why is there no growth? Why are we not growing in our sanctification, our holiness, our righteousness, our love for Christ, our love for his word?" Something is not right. I need to work. I need to figure this out. I need to spend more time in prayer. I need to spend more time asking godly men to give me counsel on this. But you can't just sit back and say, "Well, whatever, we're just going to ride this out." No, you are the head. You are the leader. It's your job to be the sanctifying force in the life of your wife and family.

3. A Sheltering Love

Number three, kind of love is a sheltering love. We see this in the word "cherish," where it says that Christ nourishes and cherishes us as his church, and in the same way, husbands are called to cherish their wives.

Listen, when you cherish something, you protect it. When you cherish something, when you care about something, you guard it. Because it is precious to you. Think, husbands, of your most prized possession. How do you care for it? How do you protect it? How do you shelter it? My most prized possession are my grandparents' Bibles and my parents' Bibles. I prize those more than anything else on the planet. I would run into a burning building to grab those. Under that would be some of my guitars, my musical instruments. They were gifts to me from my father. I cherish them deeply. Listen, when you cherish something, you take care of it. You protect it, you guard it, you don't leave it out in the backyard to be exposed to the elements. You bring it in. There's a special place where I keep my parents' and grandparents' Bibles in a case. I keep my instruments in a case, they're locked away. I don't keep them out where—now I do have some instruments that I don't cherish. And I just keep those out, and I let the kids play with it, and there's peanut butter and jelly, and all kinds of stuff all over it. But the ones I cherish, there's a special place for it. They are protected. The destructive forces that are my children, they know, they cannot touch these. They are off limits.

Some husbands put more time and attention into caring for their car than they do their own wives. And just as we don't leave the things we care about exposed to the elements, so also we do not leave our wives exposed to the attacks of the enemy. To the lies and the deception that is so rampant in our world. This is what Adam failed to do in the garden. He did not shelter. He did not cherish his wife. He did not protect her from the lies of Satan. He had the authority to kick the devil out of the garden, and he didn't. And husbands, you have the authority to kick the devil out of your house. This word is a sword. Do you know how to use it? Do you know how to wield it? Are you using it? Are you wielding it? Or is it gathering dust? We have to protect our wives from the lies of the enemy, from the deception of the enemy.

And sometimes—this would be the most politically incorrect thing I say all day. Husbands, sometimes we have to protect our wives from their runaway emotions. Because women feel things more deeply than men. That's part of what makes them awesome. But what is a great strength can also be a great weakness. And sometimes husbands, we have to say, "You know what? We need to tone this down a little bit. We need to dial this back a little bit. There's emotions that are being runaway; a fruit of the Spirit is self-control." Now, husbands, as you share that information, you better be sure you're self-controlled in that moment. Or we might be having your funeral next week. But we have to protect our wives. From the lies of the enemy, the deception in our culture. It is rampant. And Satan is sneaky. He is subtle. We have to be well attuned to picking the weeds that want to grow up in our household, in our souls.

1 Peter 3:7 says this:

"Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered."

This verse says that we are to live with our wives in an understanding way. Husbands, that means if you're not seeking to understand your wife, you're not being the kind of husband you're supposed to be. You might say to me, "I just don't understand her." Okay, great. Are you trying to? Because if you're not, you're not doing what God's word tells you to do. Part of your job is to try to understand your wife, where she's coming from, what's going on in her heart and in her life. The challenges that she's facing in the marriage and in her life.

And then it says to show honor to the woman as the weaker vessel. Now, I know this is, again, super politically incorrect, and who cares? It's the Bible, it's God's word. There's certainly a case to be made for physical strength, and I think we've all seen that play out the last few years, especially when men compete with women in women's sports. They're just totally dominated. You take one of the loser men, and their natural strength has the potential to be much superior. That's obvious to everybody. I'm not saying that every man is stronger than every woman. That's not what I'm saying. But I'm just saying the potential for strength is much greater in men physically.

But I don't think that that's all that this verse is talking about. It says that we are to honor our wives as the weaker vessel. It's an interesting choice of words. What I think this is saying is that wives, women are more delicate than men. They are like fine china. They're special. They're meant to be honored. They're meant to be cherished. They're not the plates you take camping. They're not meant to be beat up. Men are meant to be beat up. We are rugged, we are ugly. We are utilitarian. A woman is not that. She is to be honored. I think as the more delicate, the more beautiful, to be celebrated. I think that's what it means. And here, it says that we are to have that special place in our hearts for our wives.

Husbands, your wives are not supposed to be like you. If God wanted another you, he would have given you another you. If you needed another you, he would have made another you. Husbands so often fall into the trap of, "I wish my wife was more like me." Why? Why? There's already one of you. She's meant to be different. She's meant to have a special place in your life as someone who's different than you to work together to build God's kingdom in your home.

But notice it's really interesting. He says that they are heirs with us, of the grace of life, co-heirs of Christ. But he says that we need to honor our wives so that our prayers may not be hindered. Think about that. How you treat your wife will affect your spiritual life. How does mistreating our wives hinder our prayers? If we mistreat our wives, if we don't love our wives the way we are called to, we will have a guilty conscience before God. And when men have a guilty conscience before God, they hide from God. And we don't pray. We don't spend time with the Lord when our conscience is guilty. We're like Adam. We want to get away from God. And so our prayers will be hindered in the fact that if we go to God in prayer, we know we'll be convicted of sin. That's an uncomfortable thing. And so many men refuse to pray because they have a guilty conscience before God because they know that they mistreat their wives. That's the first way that their prayers are hindered. The second way that their prayers are hindered is they mistreat their wives, but they refuse to admit it. So they're proud, they're boastful, they're haughty. They come before God, not in a state of humility, but a state of pride, and we know what God does with that. God resists the proud. And so in that way, our prayers are not heard, they are resisted by God because we're not coming in the spirit of humility. No men, we must treat our wives in the right way: honoring, respecting, loving, cherishing, protecting, and in that way, we can go to God with a clear conscience and not have our spiritual life and our prayers hindered.

4. A Strengthening Love

Number four, kind of love is a strengthening love. Aren't you glad I toned this down? I had, like, seven points, and I have whittled it down to four. Aren't you glad? Say amen. We're almost done. A strengthening love. We see this again in verse 29 that Christ nourishes and cherishes. So it's this nourishing. And I've said a little bit about this already, so I won't belabor these points, but husbands, we set the spiritual temperature of our home. The spiritual life of our home flows directly from our spiritual life with Christ.

Oftentimes husbands are all too willing to abdicate this responsibility, and instead look to their wives to lead in the spiritual life, in the home. Now, it's not that the wife doesn't have anything to offer in regards to spiritual matters. Of course, she does. Obviously does. She will be a vital part on the right hand, absolutely involved in all of it. But the husband should take the lead. The husband should set the tone. The husband should plot the direction. The husband should take the initiative if we hope to see our families nourished in the things of God. If the husband's relationship with Christ is dead, dry, and lifeless, it will be even more difficult—I won't say impossible, but it will be all the more difficult for the wife and children to have a vibrant, fruitful, spiritual life. However, if the husband himself is actively engaged in his walk with the Lord, the family will naturally follow his lead and fall into that pattern. So husbands, your family will be spiritually nourished from your walk with Christ. Your family will either be spiritually nourished or spiritually malnourished by your time in the word, and by your time in prayer.

I know many guys say, "Well, I don't really know the Bible. I don't really understand all these things." Listen, friends, ignorance is not an excuse. We have more access to Bible teaching, Bible training, Bible curriculum, than any other generation that's ever lived in the history of the world. We literally have no excuses. And you need to understand that this is your responsibility, and you will stand before God. And he will ask you how you shepherded the soul of your wife and the soul of your children. And you will not have an excuse on that day. God will say, "I gave you an app. I gave you a website. I gave you a pastor. I gave you leaders. You had access to God's word in an unprecedented way." And what a shame and an embarrassment that we know the numbers of the players on the sports teams. We know intricate details about the plays and their lives and who was drafted when and at what point. And we are total ignoramuses when it comes to the Word of God. We don't know Ephesians from Philippians. We don't know Paul from Peter. We don't know the Old Testament from the New Testament. But we know how many championships Michael Jordan had. We know why he was a better basketball player than LeBron James. There is no question about it. And we can engage in knowledgeable debates and discussions about sports ad nauseum, but when it comes to the things of God, our mouths are silent because we are babies. And I'm here to say, God's word says, you need to grow up. You need to take responsibility for your own spiritual walk, for the spiritual life in your home, because you're gonna stand before God. This isn't about me and you, this is about you and God. And I pray that you hear the words I long to hear on that day: "Well done. Good and faithful servant." Amen.

I was gonna read John chapter 15 today. We're not going to do that for the sake of time. So husbands, that's your homework this week: John chapter 15. Talks about Jesus being the source of our spiritual life. Husbands, you need to read that this week. You need to study it this week. You need to ask God to show you how to live that this week. You need to pray through it. You need to meditate on it. You need to chew on it. You need to know more about Christ than you know about Trump. You need to know more about the church than you know about what's going on with whatever political problem. Some of you know more about what's happening on the other side of the world than you do that's happening down the hall in your own home. Amen. It ought not be that way. God placed you in that home to be as Christ to that home. To love, to cherish, to sanctify, to sacrifice, to shelter, to protect, to give strength to. That is why he made you. He's called you to himself. He's filled you with his spirit.

Conclusion and Closing Prayer

Brothers, this is a high calling. It is a high calling to love our wives as Christ loved the church, to pattern our lives after the greatest love there ever has been. What could be a higher calling than this? And yet every husband in here today, I feel you should recognize just how daunting this task is. Just how an impossible task this is. It's like standing at the foot of Mount Everest. How in the world could I ever hope to do this? To assume such heights, to love as Christ has loved? Not because of any inadequacy in my own wife, but the inadequacies in my own heart, the sin in my own life, the failures that I battle with daily, the temptations in the world.

If you feel desperate today, good, because we cannot do this on our own. We cannot do this in our own strength. It's only by the grace of God. It's only with the all-sufficient and moment-by-moment sustaining grace of Christ. That we look to him. We engage with him. He is our source. He is our supply. He is who has our attention, our thoughts, our focus, our affection. And it's only when we keep our heart and our eyes fixed on him that he gives us his strength, that he gives us his power, that he helps us to do what he has called us to do. But if you try and do this in your own strength, you will fail, and fail miserably. And even guess what? Even if you try in his strength, there will be days where we fall and we fail. But the Bible says a righteous man, though he falls seven times, he keeps getting up. He keeps getting up.

Listen, I'm here to call on some of you men who, you have given up. You've just, you've tried it and it didn't work. You've fallen into sin. God is calling you here today. Get up. Get up. Get on your knees. Go to Christ, take your sin to him, confess your sin, confess your failures, confess your inadequacies. Call out to him for help. And he will supply. The good news is that Christ has promised to give help to those who humble themselves and approach him in faith.

I don't know what the state of every family is in here today. I don't know which one of these kinds of loves you need to grow the most in. But I do know that we can't do it on our own. I do know that if we try in and of ourselves, we will fall short every time. Our own ability is so limited, we truly have to reach out to him in faith for the help that we need. And the good news is that he is there. Anytime of day or night, at any moment, to pour out his spirit, to bring forgiveness, healing, help, and strength. You don't have to be like Adam hiding in the shadows. God is calling out to you through the cross, through grace, through mercy, to forgive your sins and to put your feet on solid ground. But we must humble ourselves. We must confess our sins. We must be willing to confess our sins to him, and even at times confess our sins to one another. We can either have our pride, or we can have the kind of lives and marriages that God has called us to have. We cannot have both. We cannot have both.

To love our wives as Christ loved the church, we have to humble ourselves just as Christ humbled himself. He suffered the shame of the world on our behalf. And likewise, we have to humble ourselves when we come to God. But hear me, friends, there is an ever-flowing stream that Christ opened for us at the cross. That we can receive new life. New hope. And even new desires as we look to Christ in faith. Amen.

I'm going to invite you to stand with me this morning as we close in prayer. I want every man here to know this. Every husband, especially. That you have what you need in Christ to live the life God has called you to live. I believe that. I know that. I believe in you. I believe in your ability to lead your family as you follow Christ. He has supplied for us everything that we need. If you feel inadequate, go to Christ. If you feel inadequate, seek out help in your community group, but we have, he has supplied for us, all we need, according to his riches and mercy. So let's go to him now in prayer.

Father, thank you for supplying us all we need in Christ. Lord, if we had to do this in our own strength, it would be the most soul-crushing thing that we could ever imagine. How in the world could we ever love someone as much as you have loved us? And yet, through your spirit and through your word, you empower and enable us to pattern our love after your love, to love our wives the way that you have loved us.

Father, I pray that you would help the husbands of this church to have a sacrificing love. A sanctifying love. A sheltering love. And a strengthening love for their wives, as you have loved us. Give us your strength and help us through the power of your spirit. Lord, today we even recommit to being the men, the heads, the leaders of our household that you have called us to be. God, forgive us for our inadequacies, our shortcomings, and our failures, and help us to walk in the newness of life as new creations that you have made us. In Christ's name, we pray. Amen.

The Wife's Duties - All In The Family Week 5

The Wife's Duties

Matthew Bell

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Sermon Summary

In this continuation of the "All in the Family" series, Pastor Matt focuses on the biblical principles for marriage found in Ephesians 5, specifically addressing the practical duties of a Christian wife. Building upon the theological foundation that a God-glorifying marriage requires a life fully submitted to Jesus and empowered by the Holy Spirit, the sermon outlines five key duties required of a wife: action (willing submission as a complementary role, not a sign of inferiority), allegiance (exclusive faithfulness and loyalty to her own husband), adoration (submitting as an act of worship unto the Lord), authority (recognizing the husband as the God-ordained head of the home), and attitude (maintaining a spirit of genuine respect). Ultimately, the message emphasizes that these biblical commands are impossible to fulfill without the grace of Christ and the daily application of the gospel, calling both husbands and wives to mutual love, repentance, and reliance on the cross.

Sermon Transcript

Introduction: The Foundation of a God-Glorifying Marriage

If you have your Bibles, you can open them with me to Ephesians chapter 5. We'll spend our time here again, looking at Ephesians 5. We are in this summer series called All in the Family, where we're focusing on the family. We'll be in this series until our family camp next month, and that family camp will be a culmination of our summer—a celebration of all the families of our church. After that camp, we'll jump back into Matthew's gospel in chapter 25.

Just very quickly this morning, a brief reminder of some of the foundation we've laid already in this series on the family. We began by looking at what man is. Before we can talk about man and woman in family, we need to first understand what humanity is, and we saw that men and women are created in the image of God. Our purpose is to show forth and showcase God's glory, and to rule, subdue, and have dominion over the earth on behalf of God—not on behalf of ourselves, but on behalf of God, who is our creator. God brought man and woman into marriage and gave them a family as an integral part of man's purpose of filling the earth and subduing it, to provide a stable and safe environment for children to be born, raised, protected, and then launched into the purpose for which God created them.

Last week, we looked at this passage in Ephesians 5, and we looked at some general principles for marriage. We looked at the three Ps of marriage: the purpose of marriage, the polity of marriage, and the picture of marriage, which is Christ. Today, we're moving from these general principles to the practical applications—the specific, practical ways that these are to be lived out, and the specific ways that God calls on the wife and the husband to live these things out.

One thing to note is that this is Ephesians chapter 5. I know this might sound very simplistic, but before Ephesians 5 came four other chapters of Ephesians. The Apostle Paul has already laid a foundation. He's covered a lot of ground before he gets to this fifth chapter on how a family should function. These practical applications build on that theological framework and foundation that he's already laid. He laid out in the first chapter that we have been chosen and called by God. Then he begins to walk that out, showing that it's a high calling to be chosen by God. He talks about being born again in chapter 2; we were dead in our sins, but God has made us alive in Christ. He talks about being filled with God's Spirit and God's power. He also talks about how, as believers, we no longer desire the things of the world—what Paul calls the old way or the old man—but instead now we desire to do things God's way. He assumes that the reader, us, are part of a solid church with a community around us that can help us and hold us accountable, with pastors near to us who can guide us as we seek to live for Christ.

The point I'm making in all of this is that a God-glorifying marriage—how a husband should treat his wife, how a wife should treat her husband, how children should obey their parents—all of that is downstream from what God has already done for us in Christ. All of that is downstream of a life that is submitted to Jesus, has been saved by Jesus, and is being radically transformed by Jesus from the inside out. The foundation of a God-glorifying marriage is the grace and mercy of God found in Jesus. What we're reading about today cannot be accomplished through sheer willpower or determination. It truly can only come about as each husband and wife are walking with Jesus daily in the sanctifying power of the Holy Spirit. That is the only solid foundation for a God-glorifying marriage.

The point that the Apostle Paul is making is very clear throughout this whole letter: Christians should be, in some respects, very distinct and different from the world. We're in the world, but we're not of the world. Our marriages and our families should look different from the unbelieving world around us. We need to keep in mind that none of this works without Jesus. It is for Him, it is about Him, and it is by His strength and His power.

With that, why don't we stand as we read again from Ephesians chapter 5? It is the same passage we read last week, but I pray again that it will be a blessing to your soul as we get into the specifics here today.

Scripture Reading

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a promise), "that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land." Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Opening Prayer

Our God and our Father, we pray for our time together in Your word. We pray that You would make this time profitable to us. Lord, that You would strengthen our marriages. Lord, that if we are single seeking a spouse, that You would help us to find a godly spouse, that we could have a God-glorifying marriage. Lord, help us to love one another as You have loved us, to forgive one another as You have forgiven us, to show grace and kindness and mercy to one another in our marriages, as You have shown those things to us.

Lord, You are our perfect example. All of us will be imperfect, but You alone are the perfect one, who is perfecting us, Your bride. Through Your word this morning, sanctify us in the power of Your Spirit, we pray. And help us to glorify You in the world around us as we live as light and salt. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.

The Concept of Duty in Marriage

You may be seated this morning. We're moving from general principles to particular, specific applications. Today, we're going to follow the outline the Apostle Paul has given, and we're going to start by focusing in on a wife's duties in marriage. We are getting into what the famous Spanish Catholic theologian, Nacho Libre, called the nitty-gritty. That is what we're getting into here this morning.

Some people might object to the word "duty," because it implies something that you have to do, or are obligated to do. A lot of people simply have romanticized ideas about love and marriage that would absolutely exclude anything with a hint of duty or obligation—the idea that if somehow you didn't feel like doing something, that by no means should you ever have to or be obligated to do it. But let us not forget that entering into marriage is an act that is voluntary. None of us are forced to marry. When we do marry, what we are doing is obligating ourselves to our spouse. In our marriage vows, we pledge our faithfulness to our spouse, to perform our duties that we owe to them.

Let me remind you of our marriage vows. To the husband, we would ask: "Do you promise before God and these witnesses that you will love, honor, and cherish your wife, and that, forsaking all others for her alone, you will perform unto her all the duties that a husband owes to his wife until God by death shall separate you? If so, answer, 'I do.'" And to the wife, the exact same question is asked: that you would forsake all others for him alone, and that you would perform unto him all the duties that a wife owes to her husband until God by death shall separate you.

So this word "duty" shouldn't be a bad word. When we get married, we stand before God and witnesses and we make a promise, a vow, that we will fulfill the duties that we owe to our spouse. What are those duties? The Apostle Paul outlined some of them here in our passage. Today, I see five duties that the Lord requires of a wife in marriage. I've alliterated them so they all start with the letter A: the action, the allegiance, the adoration, the authority, and the attitude.

1. The Action: Submission

We'll start with the action. We see this both in verse 22 and in verse 24, and the action is submission. "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." And then again in verse 24: "so wives should submit in everything to their husbands."

Now, the Bible's teaching on marriage roles might be the most offensive teaching in the Bible to our modern sensibilities. I really can't think of anything more at odds with our culture than this: wives, submit to your husbands. Most pastors I know today wouldn't even touch these things with a ten-foot pole. The consequence is that, oftentimes, families within the church are just as chaotic and disorganized as families in the world.

Let me start with what submission doesn't mean, because I think a lot of times we have been lied to by our culture. Submission does not mean that the wife is less valuable than the husband. Submission is not a value statement or a sign of inferiority. However, there are roles that God has prescribed within marriage. It's vitally important that we distinguish between the value of the person and the role that God calls a husband and a wife to. There's a difference between persons and roles.

Let me use a sports analogy. On a sports team, you have the players out there on the field or the court getting the job done, and on the sidelines, you have a coach. They don't do the same thing. If the coach suited up to go into the game, it would be a disaster. If all the players decided they would be the coach, it would likewise be a disaster. Nobody going to a sports game ever thought, "I think that coach is more valuable as a human being than the players. I think they have more intrinsic value and worth as an image-bearer of God." No. It's just a different role, but they have the same objective.

A similar example would be an employer and an employee: same value in the eyes of God, treated with dignity and worth, yet at the company, to accomplish the same task, there are different roles. It's the same between an elected official and a citizen, or in the military between a general and a private. The teaching of Scripture is that all people who bear the image of God have equal dignity, value, and worth in the eyes of God, and are therefore to be treated with honor, love, and respect. There is a baseline relational demand that we owe to every other human being, irregardless of station or place.

It is the same with roles within marriage. As human beings, we have equal value and dignity in the eyes of God, but as husband and wife, we have different God-appointed roles. It's like a left hand and a right hand. I don't cut off my left hand just because I'm right-handed. Just because one is more dominant and one is there to help and assist, it doesn't mean I don't think it's valuable, or necessary, or needed. But they're not the same. God made husband and wife not the same, but to complement each other, to work together to accomplish the same goals and objectives.

If it were a sign of inferiority, we would have to say that God the Son is inferior to God the Father. None of us would say that; that would be blasphemous. The Bible teaches that Christ is co-equal and co-eternal with God the Father. Yet Jesus, in the Garden of Gethsemane, prays, "Not my will, but yours be done." This is a powerful picture of willing submission, not a picture of inferiority. Christ is our example of how we can willingly submit without being inferior as an individual.

Submission also does not mean that you don't have your own opinion or thoughts, or that your opinions don't matter. It doesn't mean that husbands don't need their wife's input, advice, or counsel. Your wife will see and understand things that you don't see and understand. God said in Genesis chapter 2 that it is not good for the man to be alone; "I will make him a helper that is fit for him." Husbands, you need your wife's counsel to avoid much folly and foolishness. A husband who refuses to listen to his wife is a fool, because he is refusing the help that God has provided to him. Now, this doesn't mean that you'll always agree. Sometimes my wife sees things differently than me, and I don't agree. But you should always listen and hear her out, especially on important decisions.

I remember almost ten years ago, our first child was getting of school age. This was pre-COVID, before the world melted down. Our daughter was getting of school age, and Heather was saying, "I think we should put her in a Christian school." I was thinking very practically, "That's going to be expensive, and I don't think I want to pay for that." Heather was very adamant. She's a planner, so we started talking about this two years before kindergarten. I'm not that way, so I just kept kicking the can down the road. I was thinking very noble thoughts of getting to know people in the community and witnessing. But Heather was insisting she needed a Christian education. It got to the summer before school was going to start, and she was absolutely not bending. She asked me a question: "Have you prayed about this?" I'll never forget that question, because my answer was no. Immediately, I had no moral high ground whatsoever. I said, "You know what, I probably ought to pray about this." I prayed about it for half a second, and I was like, "You know what? I think, Heather, you're right. Now that I've taken this before the Lord, it seems that you are right in this decision."

But notice how this worked: I still made the decision. That's the role of the husband. That's what it means to be the head, and we'll talk about that next week. And Heather, when I made the decision—even though it was the one that she wanted—she still submitted to it. And I do know that if I had made the other decision, she would have willfully submitted to it as well.

So what does submission mean? It literally means to bring under. Submission is a willful and voluntary act by the wife to bring herself under the authority that God has placed in her life, which is her husband. The God's Word Translation of this verse reads: "Wives, place yourself under your husband's authority, as you have placed yourself under the Lord's authority." Now, "submit" is a very different word than the word "obey." Later on in chapter 6, we see it says "Children, obey your parents." That's a much different concept. When God calls wives to submit to their husbands, He is recognizing the special place that she has as His image-bearer, with her own will, her own freedom of conscience, and her own relationship with God. I would go as far to say this: a wife should never be forced to submit. Rather, the submission should come from her own willing heart. If a wife is being forced to submit, something is terribly wrong. Simply put, when your husband makes a decision, you follow his lead.

Some of you wives might be thinking, "Yeah, but my husband is an idiot, and he makes terrible decisions." That might be true. If it is, I'm very sorry. You have my sympathy and all of my compassion. But I want to ask you a question: Whose decision was it to marry your husband? What's worse: the idiot, or the woman who marries him? I'm just putting it out there to try to put a little humility in your heart. I understand that sometimes it's very difficult.

I will also say that sometimes we get bogged down with the most insignificant of disagreements. It's kind of absurd, really. Solomon says it is the small foxes that spoil the vine. I will say this to the husbands: some of you are so overbearing. An overbearing husband is not a joy to be with. You offer your opinion on every single little thing your wife does. That is not what it means to be the head, demanding that your wife has to do every little thing exactly the way you think it should be done. She is your wife, not your slave. Being a wife and a mother is a very difficult job and a high calling, but what makes it even more difficult is when the husband is unbearable and hypercritical of every little thing she does. Saying "Well, I'm just trying to help her" is not often how it's received.

It would be wise to let the wife focus on the duties that God has assigned to her, and the husband to be a big-picture thinker, guarding the spiritual direction of the home but leaving a lot of the day-to-day implementation to the wife. Proverbs 31:30 says, "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Husbands, when was the last time you celebrated and praised your wife? I would encourage the husbands to strive to be the kind of man that is easy to submit to. Don't be an overbearing ogre that is impossible to please. That's not the God that we serve; why would we be that way with our wives? Submission is a burden on the wife, but we should make this burden as light as possible, just as Christ has made it so easy for us to submit to Him because of His overwhelming love for us.

2. The Allegiance: To Your Own Husband

The second duty is allegiance. And that is to your own husband. We see in verse 22: "Wives, submit to your own husbands." Are wives called to submit to any man? No, and thank God. Only one man: your own husband. You are under the authority of your husband and him alone. You are called to have an allegiance to him, to be for him, to be committed to him. This includes fidelity, meaning there is no room in your heart to be emotionally unfaithful to him or sexually unfaithful to him. Sexual unfaithfulness often starts with emotional unfaithfulness, starting with attitudes of resentment or bitterness towards your husband.

Women, when you marry, your primary calling that God has given you is now towards your husband and your children, to pour out all that you are—all of your gifts, talents, and abilities—for them and for their success. Likewise, the husband is called to do the same for his own family, his wife, and his children.

I will just say this: I think one of the dumbest things that anybody can do is sow disunity into the heart of a marriage. Especially to a wife, when anyone would speak to a wife about something her husband has said or decided and say, "That was wrong, that was dumb. What's wrong with him?" You are working against God in that respect, trying to drive a wedge into what God has joined together. You might think it's dumb, you might think it's stupid, but keep your stupid yap shut. You don't have to voice every single thought that pops into your head.

I was sitting in a pastors' meeting the other day where a pastor was talking about how he was telling a wife that she didn't have to submit to her husband over the most trivial of matters. I was sitting there thinking, "You are a fool to sow discord into that marriage, as if you are somehow in a higher authority over her as a pastor." His whole view on this thing was messed up. I'm talking about a very trivial matter that had no significance whatsoever, and yet he sowed discord and division between husband and wife. It happens all the time. We need to be careful that we want to guard our words with our friends and family, that we're not sowing words of discord and distrust into the hearts of wives who are called to submit to their husbands.

3. The Adoration: As Unto the Lord

Number three is adoration. This is "as to the Lord." When we think of submission, we often think of it as a horizontal issue between the husband and the wife. But our apostle frames it not as a horizontal issue, but a vertical issue. The Lord is involved in this. Truly everything in our lives is to be done as unto the Lord or for the glory of the Lord, so there really is no issue in our life that is not, in some way, a vertical issue between us and God.

This becomes a worship issue. That's why I call it adoration. A wife who refuses to submit to her husband is at the very same time refusing to submit to Christ. You're not submitting to the husband because he's perfect. No, he's imperfect. You're submitting to him because the One who is perfect has called you to this. You're not submitting to him because he never makes bad decisions or is always right. All of us husbands will make bad decisions and we will be wrong. You are called to submit to the One who is never wrong, and His perfection has called you to submit to your own husband. If you refuse and say, "I will not submit to my husband," at the very same time you are refusing to submit to Christ, the one you call Lord.

This is not a take-it-or-leave-it command. This is not a small part of your marriage; this is your marriage, and this is also your relationship with God. A wife who refuses to submit to her husband will live at odds and in opposition to God. Her relationship with the Lord will be out of sync. If you have been struggling in this area, if this has been a sin in your life and you have refused to surrender this to the Lord, and you come into worship and wonder, "Why is it I can't feel it? Why doesn't it seem like the Lord is speaking to me?" Could it be that your relationship with the Lord is not where it should be because you are refusing to obey His word in this area of your life? Something to meditate on.

"As to the Lord" is about worship, but hear this: it's also a protection for the wife. The question often arises, "What if my husband asks me to do something that violates God's law, God's word, God's commandments?" Because you are to submit to your husband as you obey the Lord, you are not required to do anything contrary to the law of God. That is sin. Christ is still the head of your husband. If your husband is stepping outside of his role as your head to lead you astray from Christ, your greatest allegiance is to Christ. The husband who would lead his wife into sin, who would tempt his wife, who would call on her to do things that violate God's word, you may freely say, "I have to submit to Christ, who is the ultimate head over all things." If he demands you do something contrary to God's word, you must not follow him. You must follow Christ.

However, as verse 24 says, "so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands." If it's not sin, you need to submit. You might be thinking, "If I start doing that, my husband is going to walk all over me." Again I ask, what kind of man did you marry? But if he has submitted himself to Christ, he won't do that. A man who is submitted to Christ won't be an overbearing radical tyrant in the home. If a man is stomping all over you in your marriage, that should be brought to the attention of the elders so that we might admonish him to love and serve you the way Christ has loved and served us. In most cases in Christian marriages, this fear is an irrational fear born out of living in a culture indoctrinated with radical feminism that teaches men only want to subjugate women. That's not the teaching of Scripture. Men are called to die for their wives and lay themselves down.

In all of this, we have to understand this does not work without Jesus. If you're a wife here today and you're not a follower of Jesus, your first step is not to submit to your husband. Your first step is to submit to Christ. You need to get right with Jesus. It's then that He can cleanse you, sanctify you, fill you with His Spirit, give you a new heart, and change you from the inside out.

4. The Authority: Recognizing the Husband as Head

Number four is the authority in marriage. Verse 23 says, "For the husband is the head of the wife." We'll talk about this a lot more next week with the husband's role. But what's important for the wife is that she recognize the authority God has placed in her life. Submission is not primarily an action; it's an internal state of the heart. It results in action, but it starts with recognizing the authority God has placed in your life. Romans 13 says that all authority comes from God and has been placed there for our good, which is our sanctification.

In a marriage, the husband is the head, and this is God's good design. There is no question in marriage who the head is. Husband and wife cannot get together and take a vote and vote in the wife. That's not how this works. The husband will either be a good head or a bad head of the wife, but he will be the head. Likewise, the wife is subject to her husband. She will either do that well or she will do that poorly, but she will always be under his authority.

Single ladies, your future husband will be your head. He will be your leader, which means you need to seek out a man that has the capacity to lead. Is he able to care for himself? Does he show genuine evidence of a walk with Jesus? Does he repent of sin? Is he striving for righteousness? Is he himself submitted to Christ, who is his head? If not, it will be a world of hurt and heartache to submit to a man who is not submitted to Christ. Single ladies, you want to find a man who loves Jesus more than anyone or anything, including you. If he loves Jesus, he'll love and serve you the way Christ has loved and served us. He'll sacrifice for you, cherish you, nourish you, and care more about your needs than his own. But with a man who does not love Christ more than he loves you, you have no guarantee that he'll ever be the kind of man you need him to be.

5. The Attitude: Respecting Your Husband

This brings us to the fifth duty of the wife: her attitude. We see this in verse 33: "let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." A wife is called to respect her husband, not just in action, but also in attitude, tone, words, posture, and nonverbal cues. Disrespect often shows up not in blatant rebellion, but in everyday demeanor—sighs, sarcasm, cold shoulders, unavailability, or constant correction.

One of the most common struggles for wives is talking down to their husbands, especially in front of others. Sometimes wives regularly criticize their husbands to their friends, belittling him behind his back. Sometimes they undermine his authority in front of the children, questioning his decisions, which erodes the father's leadership and the home's unity. Respect does not mean agreeing with everything, but it does mean honoring his God-given role, especially in your words and attitude. A respectful wife becomes a powerful ally in her husband's sanctification, but a disrespectful wife becomes a snare to his soul.

Sometimes a wife will submit outwardly but harbor resentfulness on the inside. That's not an option either, because you're called to respect your husband. A woman who disrespects her husband only makes herself look foolish. Saying, "Oh, my husband doesn't know anything, he's such a blockhead," begs the question: what does that say about you who married him? You're the one that pledged your life to him.

Listen to what 1 Peter 3:5-6 says speaking of Sarah: "For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening." Now, I'm not saying the Bible says wives, you have to call your husband "lord." Well, if you wanted to do that, I'm not gonna stop you. But I think it gets to the heart of respect. And wives, this is something you're called to show to your husbands. This is an internal thing between you and the Lord. Nobody else can see your heart except for you and the Lord. If you are disrespecting your husband, hear me: it is a sin that needs to be repented of before God. Sarah set a beautiful example by submitting to Abraham.

Conclusion: The Cross at the Center

Now, just some quick applications here as we begin to conclude today. Husbands, submission for the wife is not an easy thing to do. The Bible says that we must live in an understanding way with our wives. If you truly love your wife, you will want every burden that she must carry to be as easy and light as it can be, including her submission to you. Don't make your duty harder than it needs to be by your laziness, foolishness, or pride. Recognize that you can lighten this burden by being the kind of man that she wants to submit to.

For all of us here today, this highlights the somber nature of marriage and the absolute necessity for choosing a godly spouse. Marriage is a wonderful, beautiful thing when it's done according to God's design. But when we stray from God's standard, we invite disaster. To be a wife is a high and noble calling. Submission is a big part of your sanctification. God will use this to expose areas in your heart that are not yet fully yielded to Christ. I invite you to allow the Holy Spirit to search your heart. Ask, "Am I fully submitted to my husband? Am I fully submitted to the Lord?"

As we strive for these things, we will do so imperfectly. We are going to make so many mistakes as husbands and wives. This is why, for us as Christians, the cross is at the center of everything. It's only through the cross, bringing our faults and failures and confessing our sin to the Lord, that we realize there's always room at the cross for us. When we take our sin, our hardheartedness, our rebellion to Him, we don't receive condemnation; we receive forgiveness. But He does call us higher. Jesus loves us too much to leave us in the bondage of sin. Confession and repentance then becomes the pathway to walking in freedom.

Walking this path might be terrifying to you, and that's okay, because as Christians we're called to live lives of faith, to trust in God's word and go where He leads us. This invitation to submission is an invitation to trust in God. The God who made you gave you your husband. He would not have called you to these things if He wasn't ready to provide all that you need for life and godliness. We need to look to Christ each and every day. He alone can give us the strength and the wisdom on how to walk this out.

Closing Prayer and Benediction

I invite you to stand with me as we begin to close today.

Father, we do thank You for Your word. It is a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path. Lord, I pray for the marriages in this house. Lord, that You would strengthen them. Lord, that You would draw husband to wife and wife to husband. Lord, where there's been friction, where there's been a husband that's overbearing and a wife that's been hardhearted, God, that through Your word You would soften hearts.

Lord, there may be even those who are here today who feel like their marriages are dead and lifeless. Lord, I pray that You would reassure them that You are the God who knows how to bring dead things back to life, that You are the God who knows the way out of the grave, and that nothing is impossible for You. Just as You spoke Your word to Lazarus and he came out of that grave, so Your word goes forth today with such simplicity and clarity. Lord, I pray that Your word would birth faith in our hearts, and that faith would be exercised in obedience to You as we all seek to live out the calling that You've placed on our lives.

And Lord, as we go out from this place, we go out with this blessing: The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. Amen.

The Biblical Portrait Of Marriage - All In The Family Week 4

The Biblical Portrait Of Marriage

Matthew Bell

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Sermon Summary

In this continuation of the "All in the Family" series, Pastor Matt transitions from the general principles of marriage to practical applications found in Ephesians 5, focusing specifically on the biblical duties of a wife. Grounded in the theological foundation that a God-glorifying marriage is only possible through a life submitted to and transformed by Jesus, the sermon outlines five key duties—the "Five A's"—required of a wife: Action (willing submission), Allegiance (fidelity and loyalty to her own husband), Adoration (submitting as an act of worship to the Lord), Authority (recognizing the husband as the God-ordained head of the home), and Attitude (showing genuine, inward and outward respect). Pastor Matt emphasizes that submission is not a marker of inferiority or a loss of voice, but a complementary role designed by God, providing practical guidance for wives in their calling and challenging husbands to lead sacrificially so that their wives' submission is a joy rather than a burden, ultimately pointing both spouses back to the grace of Christ.

Sermon Transcript

Introduction

If you have your Bibles, you can open them with me to Ephesians chapter 5. We'll spend our time here again, looking at Ephesians 5. We're in this series called All in the Family, this summer series where we're focusing in on the family. We'll be in this series until our family camp next month, and that family camp will be like a culmination of our summer, focusing in on the family and a celebration, really, of all of the families of our church. After that camp, we'll jump back into Matthew's gospel into chapter 25.

Just very quickly this morning, a brief reminder of some of the foundation we've laid already in this series on the family. We began by looking at what is man. Before we can talk about man and woman in family, we need to first understand what humanity is, and we saw that men and women are created in the image of God. And that our purpose is to show forth, to showcase God's glory, and to rule, subdue, and have dominion over the earth on behalf of God—not on behalf of ourselves, but on behalf of God, who is our creator. God brought man and woman into marriage and gave them a family as an integral part of man's purpose of filling the earth and subduing it, to provide a stable and safe environment for children, the next generation, to be born, to be raised, to be protected, and to then be launched into the purpose for which God created them.

Now, last week, we looked at this passage in Ephesians 5, and we looked at some general principles for marriage. We looked at three P's of marriage: the purpose of marriage, the polity of marriage, and the picture of marriage, which is Christ. Today, we're moving from these general principles that we saw last week in this passage to the practical applications, the specifics, the practical ways that these are to be lived out, the specific ways that God calls on the wife and the husband to live these things out.

The Theological Foundation of Marriage

Now, one thing to note is that this is Ephesians chapter 5. I know this might sound very, very simplistic, but before Ephesians 5 came four other chapters of Ephesians. And our apostle, the Apostle Paul, has already laid a foundation. He's covered a lot of ground before he gets to this fifth chapter on how a family should function. These practical applications build on that theological framework and foundation that he's already laid. He laid out in the first chapter, as I read after worship, that we have been chosen and called by God. Then he begins to walk that out, that it's a high calling to be chosen by God. He talks about being born again in chapter 2. We were dead in our sins, but God has made us alive in Christ. He talks about being filled with God's Spirit and God's power. He also talks about how, as believers, we no longer desire the things of the world, what Paul calls the old way or the old man, but instead, now we desire to do things God's way. He assumes that the reader—us—are part of a solid church with a community around us that can help us and hold us accountable, with pastors near to us who can guide us as we seek to live for Christ.

The point I'm making in all of this is that a God-glorifying marriage, how a husband should treat his wife, how a wife should treat her husband, how children should obey their parents—all of that is downstream from what God has already done for us in Christ. All of that is downstream of a life that is submitted to Jesus, has been saved by Jesus, and is being radically transformed by Jesus from the inside out. The foundation of a God-glorifying marriage is the grace and mercy of God found in Jesus. What we're reading about today cannot be accomplished through sheer willpower or determination. It truly can only come about as each husband and wife are walking with Jesus daily in the sanctifying power of the Holy Spirit. That is the only solid foundation for a God-glorifying marriage.

The point that the Apostle Paul is making is very clear throughout this whole letter. And that is that Christians, people who believe in Jesus, should be, in some respects, very distinct and different from the world. We're in the world, but we're not of the world. Our marriages and our families should look different from the unbelieving world around us. We need to keep in mind that none of this works without Jesus. It is for him, it is about him, and it is by his strength and his power. With that, why don't we stand as we read again from Ephesians chapter 5? The same passage we read last week, but I pray again that it will be a blessing to your soul as we get into the specifics here today.

Scripture Reading

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother' (this is the first commandment with a promise), 'that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.' Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

Opening Prayer

Our God and our Father, we pray for our time together in your word. We pray that you would make this time profitable to us. Lord, that you would strengthen our marriages. Lord, that if we are single seeking a spouse, that you would help us to find a godly spouse, that we could have a God-glorifying marriage. Lord, help us to love one another as you have loved us, to forgive one another as you have forgiven us, to show grace and kindness and mercy to one another in our marriages, as you have shown those things to us. Lord, you are our perfect example. All of us will be imperfect, but you alone are the perfect one, who is perfecting us, your bride, through your word this morning. Sanctify us in the power of your Spirit, we pray. And help us to glorify you in the world around us as we live as lights and salt. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.

The Specifics: A Wife's Duties in Marriage

You may be seated this morning. We're moving from general principles to particular, specific applications. Today, we're going to follow the outline the Apostle Paul has given, and we're going to start by focusing in on the wife and her duties in marriage. We are getting into what the famous Spanish Catholic theologian, Nacho Libre, called the nitty-gritty, okay? That is what we're getting into here this morning.

Some people might object to the word "duty" because it implies something that you have to do or are obligated to do. A lot of people simply have romanticized ideas about love and marriage that would absolutely exclude anything with a hint of duty or obligation—that if somehow you didn't feel like doing something, by no means should you ever have to or be obligated to do it. But let us not forget that entering into marriage is an act that is voluntary. None of us are forced to marry. But when we do marry, what we are doing is we are obligating ourselves to our spouse. In our marriage vows, we pledge our faithfulness to our spouse to perform our duties that we owe to them.

Let me remind you of our marriage vows. To the husband, we would ask, "Do you promise before God and these witnesses that you will love, honor, and cherish your wife, and that, forsaking all others for her alone, you will perform unto her all the duties that a husband owes to his wife until God by death shall separate you? If so, answer, 'I do.'" And to the wife, the exact same question is answered: that you would forsake all others for him alone, and that you would perform unto him all the duties that a wife owes to her husband until God by death shall separate you. If so, answer, "I do." So this word "duty" shouldn't be a bad word. When we get married, we stand before God and witnesses and we make a promise, a vow, that we will fulfill the duties that we owe to our spouse.

What are those duties? Well, the Apostle Paul outlined some of them here in our passage, and today I see five duties that the Lord requires of a wife in marriage. I want to give them all to you up front. I've alliterated them so they all start with the letter A. We're going to see the action, the allegiance, the adoration, the authority, and the attitude.

1. The Action: Submission

We'll start with the action. We see this both in verse 22 and in verse 24, and the action is submission. "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." And then again in verse 24, "so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands." What is the action that the Lord requires of the wife in marriage? That action is submission.

Now, the Bible's teaching on marriage roles might be the most offensive teaching in the Bible to our modern sensibilities. I really can't think of anything more at odds with our culture than this: "Wives, submit to your husbands." Most pastors I know today wouldn't even touch these things with a ten-foot pole. The consequence is that, oftentimes, families within the church are just as chaotic and disorganized as families in the world.

Let me start with what submission doesn't mean. A lot of times we have been lied to by our culture that would say, "If you submit to your husband, it means these things, and therefore you shouldn't do it." Submission does not mean that the wife is less valuable than the husband. Submission is not a value statement. It's not a value proposition. It's not a sign of inferiority. However, there are roles that God has prescribed within marriage, and it's vitally important that we are able to distinguish between the value of the person and the role that God calls a husband and a wife to. There's a difference between persons and roles.

Let me use some other examples to illustrate this. I'll use a sports analogy. On a sports team, you have the players. They're out there on the field or the court. They're the ones getting the job done. On the sidelines, you have a coach. They don't do the same thing. If the coach suited up to go into the game, it would be a disaster. If a player decided that he was going to be the coach, or all the players decided that they would be the coach, it would likewise be a disaster. Nobody going to a sports game ever thought, "I think that coach is more valuable as a human being than the players. I think they have more intrinsic value and worth as an image-bearer of God." Nobody has ever thought that. It's just a different role, but they have the same objective.

A similar example would be an employer and an employee: same value in the eyes of God, same value as human beings to be treated with dignity, value, and worth. Yet, to accomplish the same task, there are different roles. It's the same between an elected official and a citizen who elected them. The same would be in the military between a general and a private. No one would say that the general is more significant as a human being than a private. The teaching of Scripture is that all people who bear the image of God have equal dignity, value, and worth in the eyes of God, and are therefore to be treated with honor, love, and respect. There's a baseline relational demand that we owe to every other human being, irregardless of station, place, or even what they have done in their life.

And so it is with roles within marriage. As human beings, we have equal value and dignity in the eyes of God. But as husband and wife, we have different God-appointed roles. It's like a left hand and a right hand. I don't cut off my left hand just because I'm right-handed and say, "I don't need my left hand anymore." Just because one is more dominant and one is there to help and assist doesn't mean I don't think it's valuable, necessary, or that I want it very badly. They're not the same. God made husband and wife not the same, but to complement each other, to work together, to accomplish the same goal and objectives. So it's not a sign of inferiority. Otherwise, we would have to say that God the Son is inferior to God the Father. None of us would say that. That would be blasphemous. The Bible teaches that Christ is co-equal and co-eternal with God the Father. And yet Jesus, in the Garden of Gethsemane, prays, "Not my will, but yours, be done." This is a powerful picture of willing submission, not a picture of inferiority. Christ is our example of how we can willingly submit without being inferior as a person.

Submission also does not mean that you don't have your own opinion or your own thoughts, or that your opinion and thoughts don't matter. Submission doesn't mean, husbands, that you don't need your wife's input, advice, or counsel. Because your wife will see and understand things that you don't see and understand. God said in Genesis chapter 2 that it's not good for the man to be alone: "I will make him a helper fit for him." Husbands, you need your wife's counsel to avoid much folly and foolishness. A husband who refuses to listen to his wife is a fool because he is refusing the help that God has provided to him. Now, this doesn't mean that you'll always agree. Sometimes my wife sees things differently than me, and I don't agree. But you should always listen. You should always hear her out, especially on important decisions.

I remember almost ten years ago, our first child was getting of school age. This was pre-COVID, before the world melted down and they put all the schools on Zoom and the watching world got to see the insanity being taught in the classrooms. Heather was saying, "I think we should put her in a Christian school." I was thinking practically, "That's going to be expensive, and I don't think I want to pay for that." Heather was very adamant. She's a planner, so we started talking about this two years before kindergarten. I'm not that way because a lot can change in two years, so I just kept kicking the can down the road. I was thinking very noble thoughts of getting to know people in the community, witnessing, getting on the school board, interacting with people that need the gospel. Heather was just, "No, she needs a Christian education." It got to the summer before school was going to start, and she was absolutely not bending. And she asked me a question: "Have you prayed about this?"

I'll never forget that question because my answer was no. I had no moral high ground whatsoever. I said, "You know what, I probably ought to pray about this," and I prayed about it for like half a second, and I was like, "You know what? I think, Heather, you're right. Now that I've taken this before the Lord, it seems that you are right in this decision." But notice how this worked. I still made the decision. That's the role of the husband. That's what it means to be the head, and we'll talk about that next week. And when I made the decision, even though it was the one that she wanted, she still submitted to it. I know that if I had made the other decision, she would have willfully submitted to it as well.

So what is submission? It literally means to bring under. Submission is a willful and voluntary act by the wife to bring herself under the authority that God has placed in her life, which is her husband. The God's Word Translation of this verse reads: "Wives, place yourselves under your husbands' authority as you have placed yourselves under the Lord's authority." Now, "submit" is a very different word than the word "obey." Later in chapter 6, it says, "Children, obey your parents." That's a much different concept and relationship. When God calls wives to submit to their husbands, he is recognizing the special place that she has as his image-bearer, with her own will, her own freedom of conscience, and her own relationship with God. I would go as far to say this: a wife should never be forced to submit. Rather, submission should come from her own willing heart. If a wife is being forced to submit, something is terribly wrong. Simply put, when your husband makes a decision, you follow his lead.

Some of you wives might be thinking, "Yeah, but my husband is an idiot, and he makes terrible decisions." That might be true. And if it is, you have my sympathy and compassion. But if you were sitting here thinking that, I want to ask you a question: Whose decision was it to marry your husband? And what's worse? The idiot or the woman who marries him? I'm only saying that to put a little humility in your heart. I understand that sometimes these things are very difficult.

I will also say that sometimes we get bogged down with the most insignificant disagreements. Solomon says in the Song of Songs that it is the small foxes that spoil the vine. I will say this to the husbands: Some of you are so overbearing. An overbearing husband is not a joy to be with. You offer your opinion on every single little thing your wife does. That is not what it means to be the head, that your wife has to do every little thing exactly the way you think it should be done. She is your wife, not your slave. Being a wife and a mother is a very difficult job and a high calling. What makes it even more difficult is when the husband is unbearable, when a husband is hypercritical of every little thing she does. "Well, I'm just trying to help her." Look, that's not often how it's received. It would be wise to let the wife focus on the duties that God has assigned to her, and the husband to be a big-picture thinker guarding the spiritual direction of the home but leaving a lot of the day-to-day implementation to the wife. Proverbs 31:30 says, "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Husbands, when was the last time you celebrated your wife? You praised your wife? Strive to be the kind of man that is easy to submit to. Don't be an overbearing ogre that is impossible to please. That's not the God we serve. He's not that way with us. Why would we be that way with our wives?

Submission is a burden on the wife, but we should make this burden as light as possible, just as Christ has made it so easy for us to submit to him because of his overwhelming love for us. Submission is simply bringing yourself under the authority of your husband, letting him set the spiritual and practical direction of the home. Yes, you'll have your own opinions, and you should express them. But when he makes a decision, it's your job to get on board with it and follow his lead. That is the action of what God calls the wife to.

2. The Allegiance: To Your Own Husband

The second is allegiance, and that is to your own husband. We see in verse 22: "Wives, submit to your own husbands." Who are wives called to submit to? Any man? No, and thank God. One man, only one: your own husband. You are under the authority of your husband and him alone. By God's grace, you are called to submit to him in marriage. You are called to have an allegiance to him, to be for him, to be committed to him. This includes fidelity; there is no room in your heart to be emotionally unfaithful to him or to be sexually unfaithful to him. Sexual unfaithfulness often starts with emotional unfaithfulness, starting with attitudes of resentment or bitterness towards your husband.

When you marry, your primary calling that God has given you is towards your husband and your children—to pour out all that you are, all of your gifts, talents, and abilities, for them and for their success. I will just say this: one of the dumbest things anybody can do is sow disunity into the heart of a marriage, especially to a wife. When anyone would speak to a wife about something her husband has decided and say, "That was wrong, that was dumb. What's wrong with him?" you are working against God to try and bring a wedge, a division to what God has joined together. You might think it's stupid, but keep your yap shut. You don't have to voice every single thought that pops into your head.

I was sitting in a pastor's meeting the other day where a pastor was talking about how he was telling a wife that she didn't have to submit to her husband over the most trivial of matters, and I was sitting there like, "You are a fool to sow discord into that marriage, as if you are somehow in a higher authority over her as a pastor." His whole view on this thing was messed up. It was a very trivial matter, yet he sowed discord and division between husband and wife. We need to be careful that we are not doing that, because the wife is to have an allegiance to her husband. We want to guard our words with friends and family so we aren't sowing distrust into the hearts of wives who are called to submit to their husbands.

3. The Adoration: As Unto the Lord

Number three: adoration. This is "as to the Lord." This is the direction. When we think of submission, we often think of it as a horizontal issue between the husband and the wife. But our apostle frames it as a vertical issue. The Lord is involved in this. Truly everything in our lives is to be done as unto the Lord, so there is no issue in our life that is not an issue between us and God. This becomes a worship issue—that's why I call it adoration. A wife who refuses to submit to her husband is, at the very same time, refusing to submit to Christ.

You're not submitting to the husband because he's perfect. He's imperfect. You're submitting to him because the one who is perfect has called you to this. You're not submitting because he never makes bad decisions. All of us husbands will make bad decisions, and we will be wrong. You are called to submit to the one who is never wrong, and his perfection has called you to submit to your own husband. If you say, "I will not submit to my husband," at the very same time you are refusing to submit to Christ, the one you call Lord. This is not a take-it-or-leave-it small part of your marriage. This is your marriage, and this is also your relationship with God. A wife who refuses to submit to her husband will live at odds with God. If this has been a sin in your life, and you come into worship wondering, "Why can't I feel it? Why don't I sense the Lord's presence?" Could it be that your relationship with the Lord is not where it should be because you are refusing to obey his word in this area of your life? Something to meditate on.

"As to the Lord" is about worship, but hear this: it's also a protection for the wife. The question often arises, "What if my husband asks me to do something that violates God's law?" Because you submit to your husband as you obey the Lord, you are not required to do anything contrary to the law of God. That is sin. Christ is still the head of your husband, so if your husband is stepping outside of his role as your head to lead you astray from Christ, your greatest allegiance is to Christ. You may freely say, "I have to submit to Christ, who is the ultimate head over all things." However, as verse 24 says, "wives should submit in everything to their husbands." If it's not sin, you need to submit.

You might be thinking, "If I do that, my husband is going to walk all over me." Again, what kind of man did you marry? If he has submitted himself to Christ, he won't do that. A man submitted to Christ won't be a radical tyrant in the home. And a man who is doing that in your marriage should be corrected by his church, his elders, from his pastors. I think there are grounds for you to bring that to the attention of the elders so we might admonish him to love and serve you the way Christ loved and served us. But in most Christian marriages, this fear is often irrational, born out of living in a culture indoctrinated with radical feminism that teaches men only want to subjugate women. That's not the teaching of Scripture. Men are called to die for their wives.

In all of this, what we have to understand is this does not work without Jesus. If you're a wife here today and you're not a follower of Jesus, your first step is not to submit to your husband. Your first step is to submit to Christ. Always Jesus. Because it's then that he can cleanse you, sanctify you, fill you with his Spirit, give you a new heart, give you new desires, and change you from the inside out.

4. The Authority: Recognizing the Husband as Head

Number four, the authority in marriage. It says in verse 23, "The husband is the head of the wife." We'll talk about this a lot more next week. But what's important for the wife is that she recognizes the authority God has placed in her life. Submission to your husband is not primarily an action; it's an internal state of the heart that results in action. Romans 13 says that all authority comes from God and has been placed there for our good, which is our sanctification. In this life, we all answer to someone. The husband will answer directly to Christ for how he led his family, and God has given wives a husband not to crush the wife, but to lovingly protect and provide for her.

There is no question in marriage who the head is. It is the husband. Husband and wife cannot take a vote and say, "Let's vote in the wife." That's not how this works. God has determined this. The husband will either be a good head or a bad head, but he will be the head. Single ladies searching for a husband one day: Your future husband will be your head. He will be your leader, which means you need to seek out a man that has a capacity to lead. Is he able to care for himself? Does he show genuine evidence of a walk with Jesus? Does he repent of sin? Is he himself submitted to Christ? If not, it will be a world of hurt and heartache to submit to a man who is not submitted to Christ. Single ladies, you want to find a man who loves Jesus more than anyone or anything, including you. If he loves Jesus, he'll strive to submit himself to God and he'll love and serve you the way Christ has loved and served us.

5. The Attitude: Respecting Your Husband

This brings us to the fifth duty of the wife: her attitude. We see this in verse 33: "let the wife see that she respects her husband." A wife is called to respect her husband not just in action, but also in attitude, in tone, in your words, in your posture. Disrespect often shows up not in blatant rebellion, but in everyday demeanor—sighs, sarcasm, cold shoulders, unavailability, or constant correction.

One of the most common struggles for wives is talking down to their husbands, especially in front of others. Sometimes wives regularly criticize their husbands to their friends, belittling him behind his back. Sometimes they undermine his authority in front of the children, questioning his decisions, which erodes the father's leadership and the home's unity. Respect does not mean agreeing with everything, but it does mean honoring his God-given role. A respectful wife becomes a powerful ally in her husband's sanctification. But a disrespectful wife becomes a snare to his soul. A woman who disrespects her husband only makes herself look foolish. You're the one that pledged your life to him.

Listen to what 1 Peter 3:5-6 says speaking of Sarah: "For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening." I'm not saying you have to call your husband "lord." Lord, well, you know, I mean, if you wanted to do that... but I think it gets to the heart of respect. Wives, this is something you're called to show to your husbands. It is an internal thing between you and the Lord. Nobody else can see your heart except for you and the Lord. If you are disrespecting your husband, it is a sin that needs to be repented of before God.

Conclusion and Final Exhortations

Just some quick applications here as we begin to conclude today. For the husbands: Husband, submission for the wife is not an easy thing to do. The Bible says we must live in an understanding way with our wives. Part of that is recognizing that this is not easy, and we can either lighten this load or make it an unbearable burden. If you truly love your wife, you will want every burden she must carry to be as easy and light as it can be, including her submission to you. Don't make your duty harder than it needs to be by your laziness, foolishness, or pride. Be the kind of man that she wants to submit to.

For all of us here today, this highlights the absolute necessity for choosing a godly spouse. Marriage is a wonderful thing when it's done according to God's design, but when we stray from God's standard, we invite disaster. God has sovereignly placed us in a particular calling to sanctify us. To be a wife is a high and noble calling. God will use this submission to expose areas in your heart that are not yet fully yielded to Christ. I invite you to allow the Holy Spirit to search your heart. Am I fully submitted to my husband? Am I fully submitted to the Lord?

As we strive for these things, we will do so imperfectly, full of faults and failures. We are going to make so many mistakes as husbands and wives. This is why the cross is at the center of everything. There's always room at the cross for us and for our sin, and when we take it to him, we don't receive condemnation. We receive forgiveness. But he does call us higher. Confession and repentance then becomes the pathway to walking in freedom. This invitation to submission is an invitation to trust in God, to step out into the unknown, to surrender your heart fully to him. The God who made you is the God who gave you your husband, and he would not have called you to these things if he wasn't ready to provide for you all that you need for life and godliness. To all of us here today, we need to look to Jesus. He is the one who alone can give us the strength and the wisdom on how to walk this out daily.

Closing Prayer and Benediction

I invite you to stand with me as we begin to close today.

Father, we do thank you for your word. It is a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path. Lord, I pray for the marriages in this house, that you would strengthen them. Lord, that you would draw husband to wife and wife to husband. Lord, where there's been friction, where there's been a husband that's overbearing and a wife that's been hardhearted, God, that through your word, you would soften hearts. Lord, there may be even those who are here today who feel like their marriages are dead and lifeless. I pray that you would reassure them that you are the God who knows how to bring dead things back to life, that you are the God who knows the way out of the grave, and that nothing is impossible for you. Just as you spoke your word to Lazarus, and he came out of that grave, so your word goes forth today. Lord, I pray that your word would birth faith in our hearts, and that faith would be exercised in obedience to you as we all seek to live out the calling that you've placed on our lives.

And Lord, as we go out from this place, we go out with this blessing: The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. The Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. Amen.

The Family's Mission - All In The Family Week 3

The Family's Mission

Mark Bell

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Sermon Summary

Pastor Mark continues the "All in the Family" series by examining the Dominion Mandate found in Genesis 1:26-28, arguing that the biblical family is God's primary instrument for cultivating the earth and propagating His glory. Contrasting the biblical mandate of fruitfulness with secular and Marxist ideologies that view the nuclear family as a threat and children as environmental burdens, the sermon emphasizes that marriage is a God-ordained covenant designed to produce godly offspring. Heads of households are challenged to reclaim their God-given responsibility for the spiritual and moral formation of their children—rather than abdicating it to the state—by implementing daily, life-integrated discipleship modeled in Deuteronomy 6. Ultimately, families are called to act as miniature Kingdom outposts, faithfully establishing generational legacies of obedience that shape culture and advance the Kingdom of God.

Sermon Transcript

All in the Family: The Original Commission

We're going to continue our summer series called All in the Family this morning. We started this series two weeks ago, and in this series, we're looking at what God's Word says about the family. God's plan for the family, God's plan for marriage, for sexuality, for raising children. And we thought as leaders of the church, it would be good to take the summer and have a series on this because there's a lot of confusion in the culture today about the family and about marriage and sexuality and children.

The family really is under attack in our world today. The devil has been at work to bring confusion on what a family is. Is a family necessary? Is marriage necessary? Is marriage a good thing? Are children a good thing? Should we bring children into the world that we're living in today? The enemy is trying to bring confusion on these things. And so we wanted to take the summer to bring clarity from God's Word on what His Word has to say about these things. God's Word is our authority, not man's word, or his ideas, and definitely not the ideas of Satan. And so we want to biblically look at what God's Word says about the family.

So if you could open with me this morning to Genesis chapter 1. We're going to be looking at three verses this morning, 26, 27, and 28. Two weeks ago, Pastor Matt began this series by looking at man. And he answered the question, what is man? And in that sermon, we saw that we are created beings. We have been created by God the Father. And not only are we created, but we are created in His image. That means that every one of us in here today are image bearers of God. We were created to image God, or reflect God, or be a mirror of God everywhere we go to those around us. That is why we were created.

So this morning, we're going to be looking at God's very first command to His image bearers. After He created man, He created them in His likeness. He commanded them something. And so this morning we're going to look at what that command is, as in that, we will truly find our purpose and what it is we were created to do. So I know y'all just sat down, but if you could stand up again, as we read our main text this morning in Genesis 1. We stand for the reading of God's Word because it's a posture of recognizing that these are not man's words. These are not my words, these are the words of the living God. Genesis 1, starting in verse 26:

"Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.' So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.'"

Let's pray.

Father, we thank you for your Word. Lord, I thank you that we have your Word as our foundation. God, we don't have to wonder what we are supposed to be as a family, what we are supposed to do as a family. Lord, your Word shows it to us and shows it to us very clear. So, Father, I pray as we work through this passage today that you would soften our hearts to receive from you, and also that you would give us the power by your Holy Spirit to live out what you are asking of us today. Lord, we thank you for this. In Jesus' name, amen.

The Dominion Mandate

Well, you may have a seat this morning. These three verses in Genesis 1, specifically verse 28, is known as the Dominion Mandate, or the cultural mandate. Now, as I said, this was the very first command that God gave to His creation, to His image bearers. In the New Testament, after Jesus died and rose again and was about to ascend to the right hand of the Father, He gave His disciples the Great Commission. We see this in Matthew 28. But here in Genesis 1, God is giving mankind the first and original commission.

This Dominion Mandate is God's command to mankind to steward, to cultivate, and govern the earth under His authority. Again, this is a call for humanity to steward, cultivate, and govern the earth under His authority. A lot of times when people hear dominion and that we are to take dominion, they tend to think negatively about that because they fear that man is just going to rule and do whatever they want and take dominion. But that's not how we are supposed to view this. As we're called to go and subdue the earth and take dominion, it always has to be under the authority of God. When things get out of line and things get out of balance is when we replace God with man and man is in the authority taking dominion. But that is not what we are called to do. That is not what God is commissioning Adam and Eve here to do and not what He is commissioning us to do.

As God's image bearers, we're called to go and image Him in every area of life. In every aspect of life, we are called to go show forth His glory to the whole world. And no doubt that also includes in our families and in our homes. And so today, I want to make the case that the family is the primary means for accomplishing this mandate, that it's through the family as the primary tool of accomplishing this Dominion Mandate.

Let's begin working through this original commission, if you will, verse 28 of Genesis 1. We just looked at it, but it says, "And God blessed them. And God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.'"

The first thing I want to highlight here is that God blessed Adam and Eve before He even gave them any type of command. The very first thing that God did when He created humanity was He blessed them. Now, many times people view God as kind of this taskmaster who just threw a bunch of laws at us and wants us to live in obedience to Him, and He's just looking for those who are disobedient to judge and punish. He's kind of this angry guy with a lightning bolt that's just looking to punish you. But we don't see that here. In fact, before He even commissions them, God blesses them. Adam and Eve hadn't done anything to earn this favor, to earn this blessing, but yet God, out of His love for His creation, out of the love that He has for His image bearers, blesses His creation.

Created for Fruitfulness

As we move on now, we have this first command to be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth. Right here in the first chapter of the Bible, we have this idea of a family. Before you even get to the second page of Scripture, we see the makings of the family, because the only way for humanity to multiply is through procreation. And as we saw last week, God's plan for procreation is in the confines of a marriage between one man and one woman.

We saw last week also that marriage is the God-ordained context for fruitfulness. Marriage isn't a human invention. Marriage is something that was designed by God. It's a covenant and institution that God put in place. And so we believe that God is the one who gets to define what marriage is, not man. When we're discussing marriage, again, we have to define what it is because of the day and age we live in. When we're talking about marriage, we're talking about a covenantal, heterosexual, lifelong union between one man and one woman established by God. Anything outside of that is not a marriage. In fact, you could say it's a mirage. Anything outside of a heterosexual marriage between one man and one woman instituted by God, under God, in covenant, is not a marriage, no matter how our world tries to define it.

Within the context of this marriage, as Adam and Eve began to procreate, and their sexual union was joined together, they began to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth. We see this same command from the Lord right after the flood subsided in the book of Genesis chapter 8. After God had just destroyed the world because of their faithlessness, they had turned from Him, but He preserved humanity through Noah and his family. He gives them this same command right as they leave the ark. Genesis 8:16-17 says:

"Go out from the ark, you and your wife, and your sons and your sons' wives with you. Bring out with you every living thing that is with you of all flesh—birds and animals and every creeping thing that creeps on the earth—that they may swarm on the earth, and be fruitful and multiply on the earth."

Even after God destroyed the world with the flood, His purpose for humanity was still the same—that humanity created in His image would be fruitful and multiply and show forth His glory throughout the world. Notice here, it is commissioned to families: Noah and his wife, his sons, and his sons' wives. God's plan is for the family to be fruitful. The family was created for fruitfulness.

Psalm 127—we looked at this passage last week as we were celebrating Father's Day, verses 3 through 5. It says:

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate."

The psalmist says that our children, which is the result of being fruitful, are a reward. It also says that those who have children are blessed. Our children are a blessing. I was hoping to get at least one amen from that. Goodness. Our children are a blessing! Amen. They are not a burden.

Sadly, there are many in the world today who don't view children as a blessing, but they in fact view children as a burden. Let that not be said of us. I thank God that our church is one that is full of fruitfulness. Especially in this section—this is the very fruitful section over here. We hear a lot of that fruit every Sunday, which is a good thing. When you hear the noise of children in here, do you think, "Oh, what a blessing it is to have children in here," or do you think that they are a burden?

It's good to remind ourselves what God's Word says about our children. Because the culture has a very different view of children. There's a very humanistic ideology that's infiltrating our culture today. For example, there's a leading environmentalist and feminist whose name is Stephanie Mills, who is famous for advocating not having any children at all, because they are a blight on the world's carbon footprint. That every child that comes into the world is furthering the problem of global warming and harming the environment. And so she says not to have any children, but if you must have children, only have one child.

This way of thinking is totally pagan and just outright wrong, because if everybody bought into this ideology and believed it and obeyed it, it wouldn't take long before there's nobody left on the earth. You kind of need to multiply to continue the human race. But our world sees children as a burden.

For us who are Christians, for us who believe God's Word—God's Word that says children are a blessing, that children are a reward, that children are something to celebrate—let's unashamedly celebrate that fruitfulness. When we go to a restaurant, I'm not saying just let your kids run wild and dominate the place, but don't feel bad if they're making a little bit of noise, because we are to be fruitful and multiply. That doesn't mean just at home, but everywhere we go. Let's parade our children in a way that shows that we're thankful for them. I don't think we, as Christians, when we go out, should look frustrated at our children and have a demeanor that we're so bothered by our children out in public. That is not helping to encourage others, especially the unbelieving world that views children as a burden, to be fruitful and multiply. So we should be celebrating our children wherever we go because they are a blessing.

Now, as we're looking here at the family being God's design for multiplication in the world, I don't think He just had numbers in mind. I don't think God created the world, and then created Adam and Eve and realized, "Oh, this is a really big planet I created, and there's only two of them, so I need them to get busy just so there's numbers all over the world." No, the reason for this multiplication was to fill the earth with His image bearers. The reason for multiplication is so that God's glory would be multiplied across the planet. As His people rightfully serve Him, rightfully obey God's Word, rightfully submit themselves to God's Word, His glory will show forth across the whole nation, across the whole world. And I believe that as we do this faithfully throughout generations, what Habakkuk 2 says will come true: that the knowledge of the glory of the Lord will fill the earth as the waters cover the sea.

Families play a big part in that coming true. Pastor Matt last week talked a little bit about what a powerful thing procreating is as we bring eternal beings into the world. Think about that. Every child that is born is an eternal soul that is coming into the world. It's also an image bearer that we are bringing into the world. And so God's plan was to fill the earth with people who would reflect His character and His glory across the world. So in this command to be fruitful and multiply is the idea that families would do this, that families would mirror and image His glory.

I know I'm kind of repeating myself and I'm saying this over and over again, but I really want us to take this away with us today: our role, whether you have a big family, whether you're empty nesters at home, whether you're just beginning your family or whether you're single and have yet to marry, your role is the same. As His image bearers, go out and show forth His glory and His character.

Seeking Godly Offspring

We see all throughout the history of Israel that God was concerned with His people as family units walking in obedience to His law. They were to stand out from the rest of the world. That's why God gave them His law, so that they would know His character, they would know His heart. They would know what He loves, they would know what He hates, and that they could walk in obedience to that and stand out from the rest of the world and really be a light and a model for the rest of the world.

This is why over and over again in the Old Testament, He warns against idolatry. And He warns against marrying foreign women and bringing paganistic ways into the people of Israel. It's because God wanted His character to be multiplied, not man's ideas and man's character. In the book of Malachi, the prophet gives a strong rebuke to the nation of Israel because, specifically, the leaders and the priests, they were abandoning their covenant wives, their Hebrew wives, and they were marrying foreign women. And so through the prophet Malachi in chapter 2, starting in verse 13, the Lord says this:

"And this second thing you do. You cover the Lord's altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. But you say, 'Why does he not?' Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. 'For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.'"

We see this very strong rebuke here because in the process of abandoning their covenant wives and marrying foreign wives, the result was not godly offspring. The result was not producing families that would show forth the image of God. In fact, it was the opposite. And as you read through the Old Testament, you see the result of that, as the nation of Israel just continues in decline as they go further and further away from the Lord. But here we see again in this passage that God is seeking godly offspring.

This is why God was so clear to the people of Israel on how they were to raise their families. He gave them very clear instructions on how they were to do it. It's also why in the Mosaic law, the most capital of punishments is laid out towards those sins that attack the family. So, for instance, if you commit adultery, the punishment was death. Why? Because of the impact it had on breaking apart the family.

In Deuteronomy chapter 6, Moses gives the people of Israel the blueprint for raising godly offspring. And this is for us today as well. Most likely in this series, this isn't going to be the last time we look at this passage as it truly is foundational for families and parents raising their children. Deuteronomy 6, starting in verse 6, Moses says:

"And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart."

What words? The law of God, the commands, the statutes, the testimonies of the Lord. Verse 7 says:

"You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

This is what it looks like to be fruitful, multiplying image bearers of the Lord. God commands the people of Israel, He commands the families, essentially, to make God's Word central in your family. He doesn't really leave anything out.

I would ask you today—you don't need to raise your hands as a show of if you're doing this or not, but ask yourself: Are you teaching your children diligently? Are you talking about God's Word when you sit down? The times that you're sitting down together in your home? Hopefully you are sitting down together with your family at home. As you have your meals in your house, that's at least one way you should be doing that. But as you sit in your house, are you opening God's Word with your family?

It says, "when you walk by the way." Now for us, you can put in there as you drive around town. As you're in your car, are you talking about the things of God with your family? "When you lie down." When you put your children to bed at night. Husbands, when you go to sleep with your wife at night, are you praying over them? Are you bringing the Lord into that situation? And then it says, "when you rise." The heads of households, are you blessing your children in the morning before you leave for work? Are you surrounding them with the Word of God and with prayer?

This is the expectation for everyone who is part of the family of God, that we are to be daily investing God's Word into our family. And as parents, we can only teach what we know. We're commanded here to teach God's Word diligently. And so in order to teach your children, husbands, in order to teach your spouse God's Word, you have to know God's Word. The only way to know God's Word is to open it and read it. Yes, you can listen to sermons, you can listen to podcasts, but the best way to get God's Word in your heart is to open it up and read it. It's going to be really hard to teach your children if you're not reading it. You'll be relying on ChatGPT to do your family devotions. Which I'll admit, I've used once or twice in a pinch to create a nice little lesson plan for me for a family devotion. But our expectation is that we know God's Word.

Another thing is this old saying that more is caught than taught. As parents, are you exemplifying a lifestyle of one that loves God's Word in your home? My grandparents, John and Ruth Bell, they were the model of this. I believe many that knew them that are here today, not only did they receive from their teaching, but they just caught a lot from them by the way that they lived their lives. Many times when I would spend the night at their home, when I was going to bed in the guest room, I could hear my grandma while she was kneeling down beside her bed at bedtime, crying out to God, literal tears weeping before God for those that she loved, praying intercessory prayers for her loved ones. And then in the morning, as I would wake up, I would see my grandparents at the breakfast table with their Bible open, reading their Bibles together. That had an impact on my life. Yes, they taught me the Word too, but just seeing that, I caught it and it had an impact on me.

Parents, let's open our Bibles in front of our kids. Do your kids—and I'm guilty of this—do they see you watching TV and on your phone more than they see you with your Bible open? I would encourage you to not just open it with your children, but have purposeful times where you're reading your Bible in front of your children, where you're praying in front of your children. That they don't just hear the words of you saying, "God's Word is important. You need to read your Bible, you need to be praying," but they never see you doing it. In fact, they see you doing a whole bunch of other stuff that you're telling them isn't important and that they shouldn't be doing. That is what's going to be caught. So we, as parents, as heads of households, whether you're leading a family or just leading your spouse, we need to be people of the Word, who are in the Word, often. Amen.

Subduing the Earth and Creating Culture

So we've looked at this first part of the Dominion Mandate to be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth. I truly believe this is best realized with a godly marriage, raising godly children, who will, in turn, marry a godly spouse, and then be fruitful and raise godly children themselves, doing it all for the glory of God.

Now, this last part where God says to subdue the earth and have dominion over it. How does the family play a role in this? Well, families create culture. Families play a part in creating the culture, because each family unit really is a miniature kingdom. And so your family can either be used as a miniature outpost of the Kingdom of God, or it can be used as an outpost for the kingdom of darkness. And as families, we build our lives on the foundation of God's Word. As we do that, as we apply God's Word to every area of our lives, it builds culture.

Dr. Joe Boot says this in his book, The Mission of God. He says, "In the economy of human life, the family lays the foundation for human society for the believer and the non-believer alike. And the family is the nursery of knowledge, worship, government, and all social order. Thus, when the family collapses, all society breaks down." When the family collapses, all society breaks down. And you know who believes this, and I think is living this out and taking this truth and applying it more than anybody else, is the devil. Satan knows that if he can get the family to collapse, if he can break apart the family, if he can lower the significance and the importance of the family in the culture, that society will collapse and break down. Because strong families create culture. The devil knows this, and I pray that we will begin to see this and believe this as well.

The enemy has been trying to attack the family since the beginning of creation. We live in a day today where the traditional nuclear family, where husbands rule the home—they rule rightly, they love and respect and serve and sacrifice for their wives, but the husbands rule, the wives submit to their husbands, and they work to create, to make their place a home where their family can flourish—this idea of the traditional nuclear family, it's under attack today. And it's really been ramping up over the last 200 years, very subtly, to where now we're seeing the fruit of it.

In 1848, Karl Marx co-wrote the Communist Manifesto, and in it, he called for the abolition of the family. In his view, the traditional nuclear family reinforced capitalism and inheritance and private property. What terrible things, right? That you would own your own property and leave an inheritance for your family. But he saw the nuclear family as a threat to state power. And so, really, since 1848, Karl Marx's ideas have been infiltrating the culture to where now you have people who are starting organizations and leading organizations as Marxists, and they're bringing these ideologies into their companies, and now it's really taking root in our culture.

For example, the two founders of the Black Lives Matter organization, they describe themselves—and these are their words—they describe themselves as trained Marxists. At one point on their "About Us" website, which has since been taken down because people, really during 2020, when people were finding out about their movement, going to their website, reading what they were about, they had this listed on their "About Us" website as one of the things that they were trying to accomplish. It said, "We disrupt the Western-prescribed nuclear family structure requirement." And so, it turned out that they are more concerned with just, you know, social injustice, but they actually had a plan as trained Marxists to destroy the nuclear family.

Last week, Pastor Matt talked a little bit about the sexual revolution and how it's had an impact on families today and on our culture. How sex is now treated as a risk-free form of entertainment, where there's no commitment, there's no covenant, there's no strings attached to it. And now you can get the morning-after pill in all 50 states over the counter at any age. There's no age restriction on the morning-after pill. Also today, pornography is a multi-billion dollar industry every single year. It's estimated to be between 10 and 100 billion dollars every year. They have a hard time tracking it exactly as people aren't lining up to report their pornography usage.

But all of these things are an attack on the family, because Satan knows if he can get a foothold in the family, if he can get you to question whether or not a family is important or not, with the sexual culture that we have today where there's no strings attached, no commitment, no covenant, sex takes place outside of marriage. This produces broken homes. It produces broken families. And it's accomplishing what Karl Marx was setting out to do of destroying the nuclear family.

So we have to be aware of this. We have to be willing to speak out against this, but as God's people, we also have to be living lives in accordance to God's Word. As I talk about a hookup culture, that has no place as children of God. So if you're currently engaged in sexual activity of any form outside of marriage, whether you're married or not, that has to stop today as people of God. If you're engaging in pornography, you need to repent and cut it out and stop that. I'll make a little plug for Celebrate Recovery: if you find yourself in the habitual sin of pornography, I want to encourage you to attend Celebrate Recovery on Friday nights. I've met many people who have found freedom from that specific sin at Celebrate Recovery, as there's a community there of believers who many of them have dealt with the same things and have found freedom in Christ. Christ came to set us free from these sins. The devil wants to put God's people in bondage. He wants to break apart families. He wants to wreck the traditional nuclear family, but that doesn't have to be the case as we who are filled with God's Spirit, walking out in the power of Christ, can have victory over sin. Amen.

Going back to this nuclear family being broken apart, God gave parents, and God gave the family, the responsibility to educate their children, to care for the health of their children and the nutrition of their family, and the welfare of their children. That was the responsibility that God gave to parents and to families. But as these ideologies have infiltrated our culture, and as hookup culture has produced broken families and fatherless families, the result now is that these responsibilities—because out of need, because the security of the father and mother in the family has been ripped away—families are now turning to the state to fulfill the responsibilities that God initially gave to families.

And I think we can all agree that the state is not interested in God's image bearers taking dominion in the world. So they're not designing their programs for health and welfare and education with the end goal of nations being discipled for Christ. God didn't design the Department of Education to educate your children. God designed you for that purpose. And so as godly parents, we need to reclaim what was given to us and our responsibility in all of these areas and not just hand the responsibility over to the government.

As Christians, we need to recognize that Satan has a plan for your family. Satan isn't thinking, "You know, what do I need to do to destroy this family and disrupt it and break apart the traditional family?" No, Satan has a plan. The question is, do you have a plan for your family? Do you have a blueprint for how you are going to train your children, for how you are going to lead your spouse, for how you are going to raise them up in the fear and admonition of the Lord?

The Mustard Seed and Generational Legacy

Every day, each one of us who are part of a family, we have a purpose within our family. We have a mission to be fruitful, to multiply, to cultivate, to subdue, and to have dominion as God's image bearers. Again, this is for all of us, whether you have children in the home or not. Our purpose in life is to be fruitful, to cultivate, to subdue, and to have dominion as God's image bearers.

I know this can seem overwhelming. When we look at the landscape of our culture and when we look out and see the depravity, the onslaught that is against us, it can be overwhelming. But we're not called or expected to do this on our own. God has given us His Holy Spirit. God has given us the power of His Spirit to lead our families, to say no to sin, to overcome sin.

Jesus talks about the Kingdom of God as a small mustard seed that is planted and slowly over time grows into this tree that now birds are making their nests in, and it's a fruitful, flourishing, growing tree. And for us, as heads of households, we can be encouraged in this. Because there's times where we look at our families and we think, "Man, is anything I've been teaching them, is it sticking? What's going on here?" But we can remind ourselves that the Kingdom of God isn't something that you can microwave. It takes time. It takes daily teaching and leading your children.

Similarly, like when you go to the gym, it takes time, I've noticed, before you can really see results. But if you're faithful and you continue to go and you daily exercise, you daily eat right, you daily lift weights, you will start to see some change. But it doesn't happen overnight. The same is true with the Kingdom of God. And the same is true with our families. We're not looking for this overnight, you know, "God, I'm ordering a faithful, God-fearing child on Amazon Prime, and I expect to see that delivered tomorrow." No, it takes time. We invest daily. That's why this passage in Deuteronomy 6 is so important. It's a daily cultivating. It's daily praying for them. It's daily opening the Word with them. And I believe over time we will see fruitfulness. And as we model that for our family, and they see it, and they have children, and they model it for their family, this is how God's Kingdom advances.

What's interesting also about the mustard seed and the mustard tree is it can grow in barren places. And so as we look out today and we see our culture, don't be discouraged. Don't say, "Well, there's really no hope. What's the use? The culture, the world is just going to have such an impact on my children. I can't really do much to fight against it." No. Like the mustard tree, it can grow in barren places. We can be fruitful, we can multiply God's Kingdom even in the culture we live in today. And so be encouraged. Be faithful to raise your children in the fear of the Lord. Be faithful to pray for your spouse, to lead your spouse in the Word.

I pray that your family would buy into this, that this Dominion Mandate would be something that all of us truly understand and grab hold of. Because now we have Christ, this Dominion Mandate has been redeemed and renewed in Christ. Where Adam failed to fulfill and obey this first commission, Christ has now redeemed it, and we have been given the Great Commission. So all of us play a role in this, whether you have a family or not, you can be obedient in going into all the world, teaching them to observe and obey everything that Christ has commanded you. And in that Great Commission, Jesus promises to be with us. We have been given His Spirit so we can live victorious lives in Him.

Each household represented here today at Christ the King Church is an outpost for the Kingdom of God. Think about that. If we all grab onto this teaching of being fruitful, multiplying, advancing Christ's Kingdom—not just in the four walls of our home, but training and equipping our family to go out and advance Christ's Kingdom everywhere we go—think of the impact it would have on our culture. If only just our church grabbed onto that. But imagine if all the churches in San Antonio grabbed onto this, how quickly our culture would be reshaped. There would be revival taking place in San Antonio.

Maybe you're in here today and you're a first-generation family, and you're just figuring all this out. The concepts and the truths from God's Word that you're hearing about is new to you. I want to encourage you that you can start a new legacy. Whatever was the past of your family can be the past, and you truly can start something new today that will have a lasting impact for generations to come. Because I truly believe that, as Scripture says, greater is He that is in you than he who is in the world. We were singing of the greatness of God today. No matter what your past was, you are now a new creation in Christ. You have the living God living inside of you. So walk in that confidence and boldly disciple your children, boldly proclaim the truth to your family. And let's create a culture of one that goes out and glorifies the Lord in every area of our lives.

As I close this morning, I want to close with this passage, Psalm 78. If we could have the worship team come up, and our deacons, if they could find their spot for communion. Psalm 78, verses 1 through 7, it says:

"Give ear, O my people, to my teaching; incline your ears to the words of my mouth! I will open my mouth in a parable; I will utter dark sayings from of old, things that we have heard and known, that our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done. He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments."

This is how the Kingdom of God grows. Families growing in the Word, families passing down their testimonies, their stories of salvation, their stories of what God has done in their lives to the next generation, who can then take that and pass it down to the generation after that. And like that small mustard seed that is planted, as we faithfully do this every day, slowly over time, God's Kingdom will grow into something big, to where truly the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord as the waters cover the sea.

So this starts with us. Heads of households, this starts with you. I want to ask you to make a commitment today to lead your family in the Word daily. Daily open your Bible with your children, with your wife, with your family. Daily sow seeds. And as Joshua said, choose you this day whom you will serve, but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. I pray that that's the declaration of everyone that is in here today. I don't care what the culture's doing. I don't care what they're teaching on marriages. I don't care what they're teaching on sexuality or children is. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Amen.

Biblical Marriage & Sexuality - All In The Family Week 2

Biblical Marriage & Sexuality

Matt Bell

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Sermon Summary

In this foundational message for the "All in the Family" series, Pastor Matt explores God's design for marriage and sexuality through the lenses of Genesis 1 and 2, Matthew 19, and 1 Corinthians 6. He emphasizes that human beings are image-bearers of God with a divine mandate to flourish, which is deeply rooted in the complementary, God-ordained distinctions between male and female. Pastor Matt argues that sex is a powerful, spiritual act reserved exclusively for the lifelong, monogamous covenant of marriage between one man and one woman, functioning as a "nuclear reactor" for human flourishing rather than a destructive societal force. Contrasting biblical truth with modern cultural narratives, he concludes by highlighting the power of the Gospel to redeem, wash, and sanctify individuals from all sin, offering ultimate joy, freedom, and contentment in Christ rather than in fleeting earthly desires.

Sermon Transcript

Introduction to the Family Series

And I invite you to open with me in your Bibles this morning to the book of Genesis, the book of Matthew, and the book of 1 Corinthians. We're going to look at three different passages of Scripture this morning. We're in the middle of a series called All in the Family. This summer, we're focusing on the family and God's plan and purpose for the family. This week and last week are foundational messages. Next week, we will focus more in on a family and God's purpose and design for family, but last week and this week are really laying the foundation of that.

This week, we're going to be looking at a subject that's not often discussed in church, but I think it's vitally important for us to understand and is a critical component of family. We are going to be looking at three different passages of Scripture from Genesis, from Matthew, from 1 Corinthians. We're going to start in Genesis chapter 1.

The reason we're focusing in on the family is because the family is God's design to produce human flourishing in the world. God wants humanity to prosper, to flourish. Where families are strong, are solid, and there's cohesion there, there is blessing there. There's prosperity there. There is love there. There's the environment where children can grow up in the fear and admonition of the Lord, where children can be launched to accomplish the purpose for which God created them. Where families are weak, where there's not strong cohesion there, there's poverty. There's sickness oftentimes. There's abuse. All of these ills that plague society go away when there are strong families. But when there are weak families, it invites all sorts of the flood of harm and sin that the family protects humanity from. So God's purpose and design for all of us is that we would be part of a strong family, and each one of us has a part to play in that.

God's Design in Creation

Again, this week and last week are more foundational; we'll move more into the family next week. But I don't want to tell you exactly what we're talking about yet this week before we read our passage. So we're going to start by reading from Genesis 1. If you'll stand with me this morning, we'll read our introductory passage this morning. We'll read from Genesis 1 and 2, and then later on, we'll look at Matthew 19 and 1 Corinthians 6.

Starting in verse 26 of Genesis 1, and we saw this passage last week, God said as He's creating the world:

"Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.'"

Moving on to Genesis chapter 2. Genesis 1 is that big picture. Genesis 2 zooms in like a telephoto lens on the creation of mankind. Looking at Genesis 2, starting in verse 7:

"Then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature. And the Lord God planted a garden in Eden, in the east, and there he put the man whom he had formed. And out of the ground the Lord God made to spring up every tree that is pleasant to the sight and good for food. The tree of life was in the midst of the garden, and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil."

Jumping ahead a little bit to verse 15:

"The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, 'You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.' Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.' Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens, but for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, 'This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.' Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed."

This is the Word of God. Amen.

Father, we do thank you for your Word. I pray that you would, by your Spirit, give us eyes to see and ears to hear today. Lord, I pray that your Word would wash over us today. God, we live in a world that has abandoned your Word, that doesn't live under the authority of your Word or recognize you as the Creator today. And so, Lord, it's so easy for us living out in the world to pick up the ideas of the world, the philosophies of the world, and not even recognize it. God, I pray that your Word would wash over your people today, that you would cleanse us, that you would mold us and shape us into your image. Lord, that we would leave this place touched by you, transformed, to be your agents in the world, to be salt and to be light. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.

You may be seated this morning.

The Core of Human Identity

Families are made up of people. Even that statement today, some people would argue with, but let's just all assume today that a family is made up of human beings, of people. I saw a guy recently who married his car. And it wasn't even a good-looking car. It was like a Cavalier from 1990. Now, if you drive a 1990 Cavalier, there's no shame in that, but it is a little bit bizarre if you wanted to marry it. But we're not going to delve into that this morning. We don't have time. We'll just, for the sake of time, assume that families are made up of people, human beings.

Last week, we spent some time on the question, "What is a human being? What is mankind?" We concluded from the Scriptures that people were not accidents. We were not just the result of time and chance acting on matter, the result of purposeless, causeless evolution. No, human beings, mankind—we are image bearers of God. Formed and fashioned by our Creator, made in our mother's womb, endowed by Him with dignity, with purpose, with value, with gifts and callings to be cultivated, to be developed, to go out into the world, and to show forth the glory of the God who made us. That's what mankind is. Not an accident. Not some secondary thing, not just part of creation. We are the crown jewel of God's creation. Yet we are under God, our Creator.

We saw that mankind's purpose—and we see it again here in the first part of our text in Genesis 1—is to fill the earth. As image bearers, we would go out and fill the earth with the true worship of God. That everywhere mankind would go, we would take the glory of God, the worship of God, the relationship that we were all designed to have with God, living under God's rule and God's reign, and that we would turn creation, subdue creation, turn creation into a God-glorifying culture in the world.

God planted a garden in Eden. He put Adam and Eve there, and they were not to live there forever. God planted the garden to show them a pattern, an example of what their work was to be in the world. They were to leave Eden and go out into the wilderness of creation, and they were to form it. They were to shape it, just as God had done in Eden, to turn all of creation into this God-glorifying planet. That was the pattern. Eden was the pattern. When we get into this today, we see that image bearing is at the core of who we are: to bear the image of God, to live for the glory of God, to show forth the nature and the character of God in the world, but also in this idea of being fruitful and multiplying.

Sexuality as God's Creation

This morning, again, a foundational idea: before we can talk about a family, we first need to talk about marriage and sexuality. Family, children—that is downstream from what begins a family, which is marriage. We see that these things are part of God's good design. Marriage and sexuality were part of what God intended when He made the world. We see this here in the first part of our text in Genesis 1: to be fruitful and multiply.

Sorry if this is too PG-13 for you this morning, but we sent the kids out of here. The only way to produce offspring is through sexual intercourse, through the union of a man and a woman. This means that man, from the very beginning, was a sexual being. Man's created purpose is to fill the earth with God's image bearers. He's to do this by being fruitful and multiplying. This means that our sexuality is not an accident of evolution. That is what we would hear out in the world: that there's no purpose to sexuality. There's no purpose. It's all just a social construct. It's things that man made, that man invented. But the pages of Scripture tell us that sex and sexuality are not the result of an accidental evolution. It's part of God's intentional purpose and design. It's not man's idea. It's God's idea. It's not a social convention. It's God's creation.

We also see that sexuality and marriage are not a trivial part of our existence. Like sport or playing cards, some sort of secondary, trivial thing, take it or leave it. No, sexuality is tied to our purpose. Sexuality is at the core of who we are. We are either male or female. We're born that way. When the doctor delivers us, he looks at us, looks at our parts, and makes a declaration: "It's a boy. It's a girl."

We waited with our first child, Faith, until she was born to find out what she was. Heather let me have my way, and I think that was the last time in my marriage I had one. For our next three children, they told us beforehand with the sonogram: "It's a boy, it's a girl." The first one, we did it God's way, and then after that, we pried into the secrecy of the womb because we had to have the right color for the baby clothes. These are things that are important.

The Profound Distinction Between Male and Female

But we are either male or female. One or the other. This is not a social construct. This is God's creation. "God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." And this difference between male and female is profound. We are not the same. There is a profound difference between men and women, and it transcends more than simply biology. Biology is a huge part of it, but there's more going on than simple biology. These differences are God's design.

Humanity created in God's image, both male and female, are image bearers of God. It means that we are equal before God in our value, and that we share the same purpose and calling. Mankind is to fill the earth, to subdue it, to cultivate it, to bring glory to God with our lives. That is the purpose of mankind. Both men and women, male and female, share in this purpose. But God has designed men and women differently. In fulfilling that purpose, which we share, we have different roles, different functions to accomplish this purpose, to fulfill this calling. We don't have the same roles. We don't have the same functions. God made us different on purpose. It's not an accident of the evolutionary process. It's in the genius of the mind of God.

God made man and woman different not to compete with each other or to be at war with each other, but to complement each other. That was what God said: "I will make him a helper fit for him." There's a complementation that happens between man and woman, male and female. Not a competition, but a complementation. God said that Adam needed a helper, someone to come alongside him to help him in his calling. He said, "It is not good that the man should be alone."

God designed this task and asked Adam to name the animals. All of the animals, God causes them to pass before Adam. I think this was to show Adam his need for a mate. Here comes Mr. Giraffe and Mrs. Giraffe. Here comes Mr. Cow and Mrs. Cow, and Mr. Horse and Mrs. Horse. I think Adam was looking around saying, "Where's my counterpart? Where's my companion?" to show him his great need. This is why when Adam sees the woman, he says, "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh." It's kind of funny because how long had Adam been alive? Two days? I don't know, it didn't seem like a lot of time had transpired, but for him, it was all he had known, his whole life. When he sees this glorious creation, woman, presented to him, he says, "At last! At last. I don't have to be alone anymore."

Women are not men, and men are not women. We're distinct, we're unique. We have the same purpose and calling: fill the earth, subdue it, glorify God. Different roles in fulfilling this calling, not to compete with each other, but to complement each other. Men need women, and women need men. There was this saying that developed during the feminist revolution in the '60s and '70s that said, "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." That was the thinking of feminism: we don't need men. Men are a blight, men are awful. We reject men, we don't want men, we don't need them, we're good on our own. But the truth is that men need women, and women need men.

The distinctions between man and woman can be traced back to their origin. Man was formed from the dirt. Why do boys like to get dirty? They're just going back to where they came from. Man is taken from the earth, from the dirt. And notice his orientation is outward. God sends him out into creation: subdue, conquer, cultivate, work the earth. Man is called to use his unique strength to conquer, to build, to turn the wilderness into a garden.

But the female, she is not taken from the dirt. She is taken from the man's side, from Adam's side. She is much more delicate than a man. Her orientation is not outward towards creation. Her orientation, because of her origin, is inward towards her husband, her family, and her home. Man taken from dirt, woman taken from the man's side. There is a softness, a tenderness, a warmth, and a beauty that women have that men simply do not have. This tenderness, this warmth, this beauty makes life wonderful and special. It gives a man something to work for, something to sacrifice for, something to even die for.

It's been said that the woman was not taken from the man's head that she might rule over him, or taken from the man's feet that he might rule over her, but she was taken from his side so that they might be close to one another, close to his heart. That she would have his heart, have his affection, and have his devotion. Men and women are not to be in competition—in culture, but also down into marriage—but to complement one another. A man can use his rugged strength, his talents, his abilities to build a house, but it is a woman who takes that house and makes it a home. She makes it a place that he wants to be and wants to live in. Or she can also make it a place that he never wants to step into. That's right.

But the Bible says that these differences, these distinctions, are not an accident. The Bible says that these differences, male and female, are good and very good. You see, women make terrible men. It's just the truth. Women make terrible men, and men make terrible women. What we need to do as Bible-believing Christians—where the world is trying to blend the distinctions, erase the distinctions, and turn everyone into this androgynous, sexless, genderless, fluid android—God's people should be leaning into the distinctions so that the things that make us unique can be expressed and used to glorify God.

Sexuality is Reserved for Marriage

The second thing we see in our passages this morning is that sex, the act of sex, is reserved for marriage. We see this in Genesis 2:24. After Adam sees the woman, after God brings her to the man—this is the picture of the first marriage. This is why in our Western culture, which is patterned after the Word of God, the father walks the bride down the aisle in a wedding ceremony. It's patterned after this first marriage, Adam and Eve, as God brings the bride to Adam. Adam says, "At last, bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh." Verse 24 says, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

This "one flesh" is describing the sexual union. God designed this, God created sex, and He made mankind sexual beings. But He reserved sex for the confines of marriage. Marriage is a covenant, an institution designed by God for one man and one woman, which is to be a lifelong, monogamous relationship whereby the man and the woman pledge to one another their lifelong fidelity, commitment to love and serve each other and each other alone. This covenant was instituted by God, designed by God, and is unique to mankind. You don't see penguins walking down the aisle. Only human beings, in the image of God, covenant in marriage. No other species bears moral weight for their actions or decisions because no other species is an image bearer of God. Is it right or wrong for a dog to take multiple mates? It's irrelevant because a dog is not an image bearer of God. A dog doesn't have an immortal soul. I don't think our dogs go to heaven. I know that's sad, unless you would be sad in heaven if your dog wasn't there, maybe God will accommodate you. But dogs don't have immortal souls. Their sexual acts are not governed by God's standards of right and wrong and morality. Ours are. Because we're not animals. We're image bearers.

So God confined sex to marriage, this covenant between one man and one woman. Which I think begs the question, why should sex be confined at all? Why place any restraints on it whatsoever? That's the question our culture is not asking, has sort of answered for itself, and has said, "We disagree with God. We don't believe sex should be confined to marriage." But the reason God confines sex to marriage is because we are image bearers of God, which means mankind is spirit; we are spiritual beings. Therefore, sex for man is not simply a biological function. It also carries with it spiritual and moral implications.

And the spiritual force behind the sexual union is possibly the most powerful thing in the whole universe. Why would I say that? I believe the most powerful thing between a man and a woman is because through this sexual union, eternal souls are birthed. You see, dogs run around taking multiple mates, but they are not producing souls that will live forever somewhere in eternity. Through the sexual union of image bearers, eternal souls are birthed into the world. Human beings are created who will live forever. This makes the sex act more powerful than an atomic bomb. Without constraints, focusing that energy in a God-glorifying direction, the power that is unleashed in every direction becomes very destructive.

It's the difference between a nuclear bomb and a nuclear reactor. They're using the same technology, the same kind of energy source. In a nuclear reactor, the energy is confined and focused in a productive direction that ends up being a huge blessing to mankind, an abundant source of cheap energy. But a nuclear bomb does not confine the energy source in any direction. It is unleashed in every direction, and it is absolutely destructive. It is not productive; it does not build, but it destroys. The confines of marriage focus sex in a direction that is productive and lends itself to human flourishing.

Because men need to know who their children are. Without the confines of marriage, men don't know who their children are. And if men don't know who their children are, they will not live for them. They will not sacrifice for them. They will not use their strength to protect them. They will not invest in them. They will not aim them and shoot them like arrows. It leaves women and children open to abuse, neglect, and eventually poverty. The confines of marriage help men focus their strength and their gifts in a productive direction versus a societally destructive direction, which we see today. Our prisons are overflowing today. It's mostly men in prison. Men who are not trained, men who are not focused, men who don't understand God's Word or God's design focus their energies in destructive directions. Marriage domesticates men to focus their energies and sexual energies in productive directions, to be able to invest their lives into the future and to building things instead of being out in the street destroying things. This is why God has confined sex to marriage. It helps it to be a productive force versus a destructive force in the world.

Jesus Upholds the Definition of Marriage

Because God created marriage, marriage is defined by God and God alone. Humanity does not have the right or the ability to redefine what marriage is. Mankind cannot say, "Well, marriage should be between a man and multiple women, or multiple women and a man, or it can be this open thing, or it can be two men, or two women." Humanity doesn't have the right to define that because we didn't make it. We didn't create it. It didn't evolve. It's not a social construct. It didn't come from us; it came down from Him.

Marriage is defined by God and God alone. In Matthew 19, if you'll turn over there with me this morning, Jesus defines marriage. Some people wrongly say that Jesus never said anything about sex or sexuality, that Jesus never condemned any of the other forms of sexual expression, like homosexuality, bisexuality, or lesbianism. They say Jesus never spoke to those things; therefore, He gave them the green light. That's not true, by the way. I know there are a lot of people trying to say that, but here Jesus is so clear about what marriage is.

In Matthew chapter 19, Jesus is asked a question about marriage and divorce. They're trying to trap Him. But Jesus says in Matthew 19, verse 4:

"Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate."

This would have been Jesus' place if He wanted to redefine marriage. This would have been His great opportunity to do so. This would have been the place to say, "No, you're asking about marriage, you've got it all wrong. Your primitive ideas about gender binary, your repressive, antiquated ideas about sexuality... let me tell you about this new way." No, Jesus didn't do any of that. In fact, what does He say? He starts with, "Have you not read?"

Where does Jesus point people back to for their answers on these things? To the Bible, to Scripture, to Genesis, which we read from this morning. He upholds the Scripture as the Word of God. Therefore, Jesus assumes that because it's God's Word, it is accurate, true, and authoritative. He upholds that there is a distinction between the Creator and the creature. This means evolution is out. We are not animals; Jesus is saying we are image bearers, created in the image of God. He created them from the beginning. This means that marriage is a creational ordinance. It is binding for all humanity for all time. As long as the sun rises and sets, because this was part of God's creational mandate, this is how it is for all people, for all time—Christian, non-Christian, it does not matter. This is God's design for image bearers. This is simply the way the world is. God's design for marriage and sexuality is as hardwired into the universe as the law of gravity itself.

Jesus goes on to say that God made them from the beginning, male and female. Gender, Jesus says, is not a social construct. There is not a spectrum. Jesus upholds the gender binary: male, female distinction. Jesus upholds the institution of marriage. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother," holding fast to this creational definition of marriage of one man and one woman. And then a man should "hold fast to his wife." This is lifelong monogamy. Not an open marriage, not swinging, not polyamorous, not adultery, not pornography, but lifelong pledging ourselves, including our bodies, to our spouse till death do us part.

"The two become one flesh." This is the sexual union. Jesus not only upholds the definition of marriage, but He reaffirms that it is the only legitimate expression of human sexuality. Only a man and a woman in marriage can have a one-flesh union. But then Jesus adds what was all in Genesis 1 and 2: "What God has joined together." Jesus tells us that in this union, God is involved. God is what unites husband and wife together, which means that sex is not only a physical act, but a spiritual act. Through this sexual act, God is joining the husband and wife together, not only physically, but spiritually.

And then finally, He says, "What God has joined together, let not man separate." Divorce is not an option. Man doesn't get to change what God has done. We don't get a vote in this. This passage goes on to explain certain circumstances under which divorce is regrettably permissible—when the marriage covenant has been broken through sexual immorality. If one partner has been unfaithful, then there is the potential for divorce, but that doesn't have to be the first option. Because I've seen more times than I can remember or count, God restore marriages that have been broken.

Jesus, in this one short little statement, dismantles our current cultural narrative on everything. Scripture, not man's words, is God's words. Therefore, it's authoritative, and we as God's creatures must live under it. The Big Bang? No, Jesus said God was the beginning. Evolution? Nope, Jesus says God created mankind. Gender fluidity and transgenderism? No, Jesus says male and female. Same-sex marriage? No, Jesus says man and woman. The sexual revolution, liberation, hookup culture? Nope, Jesus says one-flesh union, lifelong, monogamous holy matrimony. The idea that man is just protoplasm, that there's no spiritual world? Nope, Jesus said God is a spiritual being who joins man and wife together, that there is a spiritual world, and that our actions have eternal consequences.

What this means, dear friend, is that every other expression of sexuality outside of monogamous marriage is outside of God's plan for human flourishing. Every other sexual expression is outside of God's plan for producing flourishing environments for humanity, stable and safe, where we can grow and fulfill our God-given purpose in the family.

Sexual Immorality and the Kingdom of God

If you'll flip with me to 1 Corinthians 6, this will be the last passage that we look at today. We're going to look at several verses from this passage, but I want to start by looking at verses 9 and 10 of 1 Corinthians 6. The Apostle Paul writes:

"Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God."

This is a big deal. These are high stakes. Entering into God's kingdom means that first and foremost, we live lives for His glory here on earth. And secondly, when we die or when Jesus returns, we are ushered into the fullness of His kingdom for all eternity. Paul here is saying the stakes are heaven or hell. The unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Then he has this statement: "Do not be deceived." What does that mean? It means there are other voices saying other things, trying to lead you astray. He's saying, "Don't listen to those other voices. They're spreading lies and deception." He gives sweeping blanket categories for unrighteous behavior. Those having sex outside of marriage, idolaters bowing to idols, adulterers breaking the covenant, men practicing homosexuality, thieves, the greedy, drunkards, revilers.

This is not just confined to sexual sin. I want you to see this. This is confined to all patterns of sinful lifestyle and behavior. Those who reject God, reject His Word, and do not live under His authority will not inherit His kingdom. Remember, Jesus says, on that day, many will say, "Lord, Lord. Didn't we do all these things for you?" And Jesus will say, "Depart from me, I never knew you, you workers of lawlessness." It's possible to make a profession of faith with your lips, but not have Him be the Lord of your life and heart. The profession doesn't matter if it's not the way you live your life under His rulership.

But he does give very sweeping descriptions of sexual sin. The Bible could not be more clear. Every sexual expression outside of marriage, as defined by God, is sin. Sexual immorality is everything outside of marriage. That would be polygamy, incest, forced sexuality (rape), fornication, adultery, pornography, abuse of children, the extreme perversion of man and beast, and homosexuality.

Now, if you're here today and you struggle, you fight, you have the temptation of same-sex attraction, I'm not reading these things to bash you or put you down. I'm telling you this because I love you, not because I hate you. I'm telling you this because I want you to know that God has a better way. The world is going to tell you something different, because this whole system is designed to lead you to hell. But the kingdom of God, the gospel—Jesus came to set us free. Truly, I don't harbor any hate, any animosity, any discrimination in my heart towards anybody who struggles with these sins or faces these temptations. In fact, I have a great deal of compassion towards you because of the lies of the enemy that have been told to you your whole life. But because I love you, I want to tell you the truth that can set you free. Every sexual expression outside of marriage is a perversion of God's good design and gift to humanity.

God is Our Substance and Joy

God's Word stands in distinction against the culture, which says we're just animals, meat sacks, and nothing matters. But sex is not simply a biological function. It's more than a physical action; it touches the deepest parts of our souls. Sexual expression not submitted to God is sin, and all sin separates us from God, who is the only source of true and lasting joy and contentment. There will be no contentment, joy, or peace living a life of sexual perversion. There is no sexual act that will satisfy you for the rest of your life.

The world says you have to live out every desire to be a fully functioning human being. But Jesus says, "To be a fully functioning human being, you must deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow me." Jesus Himself is the great example, who lived as a man, was tempted as we are, yet without sin. He denied Himself. Was the God-man something less than fully human? To be fully human doesn't mean we act on every single one of our urges. That's what animals do. To be human beings means we take those actions and urges, and submit them under God's Word, living in relationship with our Creator. That's the only source of true joy, lasting peace, and contentment. Hallelujah.

This goes to us who are married as well. We don't look to our spouse as our source of joy, peace, and contentment; we must look to Christ. Putting that on our spouse is a burden they were never designed to carry. Jonathan Edwards, the great preacher of the Great Awakening, said this:

"The enjoyment of God is the only happiness with which our souls can be satisfied. To go to heaven, fully to enjoy God, is infinitely better than the most pleasant accommodations here. Fathers and mothers, husbands, wives, or children, or the company of earthly friends are but shadows, but God is the substance. These are but scattered beams, but God is the sun. These are but streams, but God is the fountain. These are but drops, but God is the ocean."

All of us here today need to set our affections upon God and God alone. He is our source of joy and contentment. Every bit of love and joy we experience in this life from others is great and wonderful, but it is only a shadow; God is the substance. It is only a drop; God is the ocean. God warns us in this passage that those who live a life of persistent sin, who do not live under His rule and reign, will not inherit His kingdom, but will be separated from Him. God warns us because He loves us.

The Hope and Power of the Gospel

We know we have all sinned. We are all guilty before a holy God. This is why God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to bear our sin and shame, to set us free. This is why Paul doesn't stop in verse 10, but goes on to verse 11 of 1 Corinthians 6. He says, "Don't be deceived. Those who persist in this lifestyle will not inherit the kingdom of God." But then he says, "And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."

This is the good news. We were sinners, condemned because of our sin, separated from God. But God, because of His mercy and love, did not spare His own Son, but sent Him to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins. We can be washed. There are those who say if you have same-sex attraction, you will always be that way, that that's just who you are and how you have to live it out. But hear me in this: in the first-century church, there were those who were that, but God had set them free. "Such were some of you, but you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified."

Listen, the gospel is the power of God to salvation. God can truly set you free. You don't have to live life bound to sin, sexual or otherwise. Christ is the one who redeems us, washes us, sets us apart for His own special purpose, and redeems all of our lives, including our sexuality. Jesus said, "He whom the Son sets free is free indeed." There is redemption for the sexually broken. In John chapter 8, Jesus confronts a woman caught in the act of adultery. His words to her are, "Woman, where are your accusers? Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more." We can be set free of the condemnation of the devil and empowered by the Spirit of Christ to go and sin no more.

Christ offers us more than any fleeting sexual experience could give us. He offers us Himself, the only source of true and lasting satisfaction, to everyone who would call upon His name in faith. The Apostle Paul goes on to say that our very bodies do not belong to us. Our bodies belong to God; we are the temple of the Holy Spirit. We are to use our bodies, our very flesh, to bring glory to God. We do this when we submit ourselves to our Creator, when we choose to live in His image, under His rule, walking with Him daily, denying ourselves daily. And when we sin, sexually or otherwise, we come to Him in repentance and faith. Those who call upon Him, He will never cast out. Those who come to Him broken, leave restored.

I want to encourage you here this morning. Whatever you brought in here, you don't have to leave with it. You can lay it at the foot of Jesus. You can confess your sin to Him. He will not turn you away, but He will receive you into His family. He will wash you, He will restore you, and He will redeem your life from destruction so that you can live a life fully to His glory, fully with joy and peace and satisfaction, fully today and into eternity. Amen.

So Father, we do thank you for your Word. We thank you that you have given us your Word and that it teaches us how to live for you. I pray, God, that you would use your Word to set us free. It is the truth that sets us free. And Lord, your desire is that we would all live and walk in the freedom that you give us. And for that we say, Amen.

What Is Man? - All In The Family Week 1

What Is Man?

Matt Bell

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Sermon Summary

In this inaugural sermon of the "All in the Family" series, Pastor Matt addresses the cultural collapse of the family by examining its root cause: the redefinition of humanity resulting from secular materialism and evolutionary theory. Grounding his message in Ephesians 5 and Genesis 1, he argues that the widespread erosion of marriage, gender, and family structures—accelerated by movements ranging from the sexual revolution to the legalization of same-sex marriage—stems fundamentally from a rejection of the Creator-creature distinction. To rebuild strong, biblical families, Pastor Matt emphasizes that Christians must reject the godless assumption that human beings are mere cosmic accidents or biological machines. Instead, they must reclaim the truth that humans are distinct, morally responsible image-bearers of God, intelligently designed and called to submit their lives, marriages, and families to the loving lordship and restorative work of Jesus Christ.

Sermon Transcript

Introduction: All in the Family

If you have your Bibles open with me to Ephesians chapter 5 this morning. Ephesians chapter 5, we're starting a new series this morning that we're calling All in the Family. And this summer, we're taking a break from Matthew's gospel to focus in on the family.

We're starting this morning by reading from Ephesians chapter 5, these verses on the family that God inspired and gave to the apostle Paul. And I invite you to stand with me as we read them this morning. I'll be starting here in verse 22, and we'll work our way through chapter 6, verse 4. We are not going to have time to teach on every single one of these verses this morning, but this is the sort of the bullseye. This is where we all want to be as we endeavor to live our lives to bring God glory in our families.

Scripture Reading: Ephesians 5:22–6:4

So starting here in Ephesians chapter 5, verse 22, it says:

"Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church, and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle, or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother' (this is the first commandment with a promise), 'that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.' Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."

This is the word of God. Amen.

Opening Prayer

"So, Father, we do thank you for your word. We pray that you would use it, and the other Scriptures we're going to look at today, Lord, to press your truths into our hearts. Lord, even as we read in our passage this morning that you, Christ, are the head and we are your body, and Lord, that you are sanctifying us as your bride and that you are washing us with your word.

Lord Jesus, we pray that you would wash our minds today, wash our hearts today, wash our desires today with the pure water of your word, that it would wash over us today and make our thoughts clean. Help our thoughts, our desires, our will to align with your thoughts and purposes and will for each one of our lives, that we would go out from this place as your body, to bring you glory in the world, that we would live as lights to bring glory and honor to our Father, who is in heaven. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen."

The State of the Modern Family

You may be seated this morning. As I mentioned, we are taking a break from Matthew's gospel to focus on the family this summer. So we'll be in this series through June, July, and even into August, looking at God's plan for the family, for marriage, sexuality, raising children, et cetera. And we also have our family camp coming up in August, which we're very much anticipating and looking forward to.

Now, God's desire is for those of us who are married, those of us who have children, those of us who are part of families—which we're all part of a family—God desires for all of those to be strong. He wants your marriage to be strong, your parenting to be strong. And in this passage in Ephesians 5, God speaks through the apostle Paul to outline his design for the family. This is a picture of what a strong and healthy family looks like. This is where we all, who are believers in Christ, want to end up in our families. This should be the goal that we are shooting for, the target that we are aiming for.

However, if we took a pulse at the state of families in our community, in our culture, in our nation today, I think what we would find is that most families do not look like Ephesians chapter 5. Amen. Many families today are struggling, even on the verge of collapse. And this is because the whole concept of family has been under attack in our culture for multiple generations. So that today in 2025, 40% of the children born in our nation will be born out of wedlock. They will not be born into a marriage. They will be born to a single mother. 40% of all children.

If you look at individual demographics, that number begins to soar. As you look at different communities, if you look at the Hispanic population, that number increases to over 50%. If you look at the African American population, that number goes even higher to 70% of children born into a fatherless home. Fatherlessness in our country, in our culture, in our community, is an epidemic. And even many times, if the father is there physically, he is absent spiritually. And many, if not most, of the social ills that plague our nation, they would be solved simply by having a godly father in the home. That would take care of most of the problems in our country.

Now, this situation that we see today wasn't always this way. It wasn't always that 40% of children were born to unwed mothers. There used to be an idea that children were born into a marriage, that there was a certain order to things—that first came a marriage, then came sexual union, then the result of that was children. But in many people's minds today, those are all unrelated things. Those are all unrelated ideas and concepts.

The Historical Erosion of the Family

So how did we get here? How did we get to this point where we are today, where we're on the pathway to having most kids in this country growing up without a dad in the home? How did we get here?

Well, it hasn't happened overnight. It's been a steady erosion. We could look back to the 1960s. We could look back to the sexual revolution that promoted promiscuity, that delayed marriage, that made cohabitation without marriage the norm, and that separated the concept of sex from the idea of a covenant union in marriage. It brought a division between those two ideas.

In 1969, California was the first state to enact no-fault divorce. Before that, somebody had to be at fault for a marriage to separate. The blame had to go somewhere. What this allowed was for couples to divorce for any reason without providing fault, shifting marriage from a covenant union to a simple contract administered by the state. I mentioned California was the first state to enact that. I think many of you would be shocked to hear that it was Ronald Reagan who was the governor who signed that into law. Some people today think Ronald Reagan could walk on water. No, he had some issues, too. This began these seedbeds of this erosion of the family.

Of course, we know in 1973, Roe v. Wade, this great Supreme Court—great not because it was good, great because it was infamous, great in its wickedness and sin—whereby abortion was legalized in the 50 states. Where states who had laws against abortion and protecting the unborn, the Supreme Court ruled that those laws were unconstitutional, and that mothers could, on demand, take the life of their children all the way up until birth. Now, praise God that that was overturned just a few years ago. But the battle rages on. Instead of one battle nationwide, we have 50 battles statewide. In some states, it's still legal to terminate a child, murder a child in their mother's womb all the way up until birth.

Moving on into the '70s and '80s, we had the feminist movement, which vilified male headship in the home, which promoted for young women the idea of pursuing a career instead of pursuing motherhood, and encouraged women to be more like men. Frankly, that was the whole idea of the feminist movement. It's so absurd, but when you look at it, what it was really saying was, "Women, you should be more like men, and that'll make you happy." As it turns out, it doesn't make women happy to be more masculine. In fact, the depression rates and the number now of women in our country that are on antidepressant medication, because they've bought into all of these lies, has absolutely skyrocketed and soared.

In the 1990s and the 2000s, we saw the rise of pornography. When the internet came online and broadband, pornography went from being this thing that you had to kind of go to a weird place to get, and you were worried that people would see you there, or you could go to a hotel and watch it on pay-per-view. It went from that to now access to anybody, anywhere, at any time, immediately, to the most debauched behavior known to mankind. This proliferation of pornography and porn consumption that happened through the '90s into the 2000s, where now most children will not make it to their teen years without first being exposed to hardcore pornography, shaping the way children view sexuality and marriage.

Through the 2000s, marriage rates declined as fornication and hookup culture became normalized. There was no longer a stigma or shame attached to the number of sexual partners a person had. It was almost a badge of honor. And also in the 2000s and the '90s, it shifted the role of education, where now it became the government's job to educate children on sex and sexuality, and it no longer was a job that belonged to the parents. And our school systems began promoting all manner of what the Bible calls perversion to young children under the guise of education.

In 2015, we saw the Supreme Court decision of Obergefell v. Hodges, which legalized same-sex marriage in all 50 states, which legally redefined what a family was, removing the male and female requirement. And fast forward to where we are today in 2025, where we have a whole month of the year dedicated to celebrating lesbianism, gayness, bisexuality, transgenderism, and plus, whatever that is. And we know what it is, it's pedophilia. That's what plus stands for. And so all of these things must not be tolerated—which is what we were first told—they must be embraced, and now celebrated. If you don't do that, you're backwards, you're a bigot, you're a hater, you're a phobe, you have some sort of irrational fear. You're a homophobe, transphobe, et cetera, et cetera.

To the point where we who gather here this morning, who have been called out from the world by Christ, we are so inundated in this milieu of sexual chaos and confusion. It's to the point now today where many Christians, we stumble upon Ephesians chapter 5, and we read God's inspired instructions on the family and family relationships, and it sounds so foreign and alien to us. We read these things and we think, "What is this, some textbook from 1940? Where did you discover this crazy idea that a wife should submit to her husband? Where did that come from? That husbands should sacrificially love their wives and children, that children should obey their parents?" These ideas even to God's people, even to the church, sound so foreign to us because we constantly live under a different set of ideas and philosophies in our world and culture today. We read it and we say, "Does God really expect these things today? God, it's 2025."

The Root Cause: The Redefinition of Man

I shared with you some of the erosions, some of the big cultural events that happened that led us to this point, but there is an idea that I actually want to spend some time addressing this morning, which was much further upstream from the sexual revolution and the redefinition of sexuality and marriage. There's an idea that is further upstream that has led to this chaos and confusion and the collapse of the family. And it was the redefinition of man. The redefinition of man.

You see, before marriage and family could be redefined, what first had to be redefined was mankind. It was humanity. And this happened in the 1930s when Charles Darwin introduced his theory of evolution. He eventually published in 1859 his Origin of Species, which formally presented his theory of evolution. And this idea of evolution, coupled with the Big Bang theory, these ideas have radically restructured and redefined what it means to be human. The nature of humanity.

And this redefinition of humanity is what made the sexual revolution possible. Because we come here and we read wives should submit to their husbands, and we can't even define what a wife is because we don't even know what a human being is. We read that husbands should serve and sacrifice, and we don't even know what that means because we don't even know what a husband is, because we don't even know what a man is. Children obeying their parents—how could we have children obeying their parents if we can't even define what a child is?

These things that are so fundamental and so basic, to the point where the most recent Supreme Court justice, when she was being questioned before Congress on whether or not she was fit to serve in that office, was asked the question, "What is a woman? Can you define what a woman is?" And she replied, "I'm sorry, I cannot." When pressed on the issues, she said, "I cannot provide a definition for what a woman is because I am not a biologist." And this person was confirmed, and now sits on the highest court of our land, issuing rules that affect all of our lives. How in the world can you make a decision about anything if you can't decide something so basic as what is a woman? Now, of course, she knows what a woman is. We all know what a woman is. We all know what a man is. But there has been a steady undercurrent of this erosion in thought where it's not politically correct now to say these things.

But as I said, before marriage could be redefined, man first had to be redefined. And so if we're ever going to recover God's design for marriage and family, we must first start with God's definition of what man is, what mankind is.

Created in the Image of God

And so for that, we turn to Genesis chapter one. I invite you to turn with me there this morning, Genesis chapter one. If you don't know where that is, it's page one of your Bible. Just open your Bible and go all the way to the left. When you get to the cover, go back one page. Genesis chapter one.

These first three chapters of Genesis are so foundational to our lives as human beings. I would encourage you, implore you, to read and reread and study and restudy these opening three chapters of Genesis. I would encourage you to do it to the point where you pretty much have them memorized, because they are so foundational to living life in this world.

But I'm going to look at an excerpt here from Genesis one, just a handful of verses here. Look here at the first verse. This is the beginning of God's revelation to mankind. It says, "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth." It goes on to tell the story of God creating the heavens and the earth, and this creation of heavens and earth culminates, climaxes with the crown jewel of God's creation, mankind.

In verse 26, it says, "Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.' So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.'"

We began our service this morning with a reading from Psalm 8. Psalm 8 has in it this question: "What is man?" What is man, the psalmist reflects, that you, God, who created the heavens and the earth, you, God, whose majesty is above the heavens, you, God, who is infinite, who is without beginning and without end, what is man that you are mindful of him? And my argument to you this morning is that for you to be able to understand what marriage is, for you to be able to understand what family is, what raising children is, you first have to start with this question: What is man? Who are we?

The Bible tells us on the very first page that man is an image bearer of God. Bearing his image, no other creature, no other part of creation bears the image and likeness of God.

The Creator-Creature Distinction vs. Evolutionary Materialism

But before we can talk about what it means to image God, we first need to stop and think about this idea that God says, "Let us make man in our image." We need to think about this concept of being made. In Genesis, there's this distinction in this creation account. There's this separation, this division between the Creator, God, and his creation. This separation, this distinction: we are not the creators. We are part of God's creation. We live in the world that God made. This world operates according to the laws that God put in place. This place that we live is not our world. It is God's world.

The psalmist reflects and says, "The earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof." Everything belongs to God. Even you. In the book of James, it tells us that every good thing comes from God, comes down from him. And God's word shows us that humanity is created, is formed, is fashioned uniquely by God. We are creatures. We are not the creators. There is a distinction, there is a separation between God who is eternally self-existent, no beginning and no end, who spoke the worlds into existence. In the beginning, God, he was there before time began, created the heavens and the earth. All the universe, all creation comes from him, and the separation between him, the Creator, and his creation.

Now, this again is in sharp contrast to Darwin and his theory of evolution, and what later developed as the origin of the universe, the Big Bang theory. These ideas say there is no God. There is no creator. This idea that there was nothing, and then nothing spontaneously exploded into everything. This idea that over billions and billions and billions of years, this nothing that exploded began to change, to form, to mutate, to evolve, until where we are here today. This idea that everything comes from nothing.

There is no spiritual world. There is only the material world. What we can see, taste, touch, hear, and smell. All there is is time and chance acting on matter. There's no purpose behind the universe. Therefore, there's no meaning behind the universe. There's no thought behind anything. That even our own thoughts here today, these ideas tell us, are nothing more than chemical reactions in our brain. Our brains are just fizzing like a can of soda that was opened, and our thoughts are just brain fizz. Everything is an illusion, all meaning is an illusion. Love is an illusion.

The Fine-Tuning of the Universe

Now this is a certain absurdity to all of this. Because I believe that every human being who's created in the image of God instinctively and intuitively knows that everything that was designed has a designer. We intuitively know that. Everything that is made had a maker. Everything that was created had a creator.

One of my children this week asked me to purchase for them for their birthday this year a Rolex watch. I had the same reaction. So they got on my phone, they Googled Rolex watches, they picked the one they wanted out. You know, it's a beautiful device. Incredibly crafted. The meticulous design, the precision, is world-class, world-renowned. And it's only the fool who would find a Rolex watch on the side of the road and think that somehow, time and chance acting on matter produced this masterpiece of a timepiece, that, "Oh, I guess maybe there was a tornado here that blew through, and maybe it hit a gold factory, and a sprocket factory, and a glass factory, and it threw it all together over time." It's absurd.

And yet, every single one of our organs in our body is infinitely more complex than a Rolex watch. Infinitely more complex. So why is it that we would look at something as elementary as a Rolex watch and think the idea that it ended up there without a designer, without a craftsman, without someone making it, is absolutely absurd, but then we come to looking at humanity, the crown jewel of God's creation, and we say, "Total accident. Total happenstance. Must have just gone that way."

The idea that nothing exploded, and time and chance, acting on matter, produced our planet, and just happened to produce it in such a way that the conditions were right for life to exist, but they can't even tell us how life began to exist. There's no idea about that. It was like there was some goop there that maybe some special lightning hit. And that goop turned into monkeys, and now here we are today, 2025. It's what people call "from the goo, through the zoo, to you." That's how we got here. Time and chance acting on matter.

I would encourage you to take some time and go study how finely tuned our universe is. It will blow your mind. Let me give you just a few of the conditions that have to be right for life to exist in our universe. And these are so finely tuned down to the most infinitesimal number that if they were to go one way or the other, there would be no reality. There would be no existence, there would be no universe, there would be no life.

The first is the constant of gravity. The gravitational constant. This determines the strength of gravity. It is so finely tuned that if it were weaker by one in 10 to the 36th power, by one degree, stars could not form. If it were stronger by one degree, stars would burn too hot and too fast. If there are no stars, there are no planets, there is no life. This number, one in 10 to the 36th degree, is like stretching a ruler—say you could take a ruler and stretch it across the known universe. That'd be a really long ruler. It would be billions and billions of light-years. And it would be like hitting the right mark on that ruler within the width of a single human hair. And if it varied by one hair all the way across the entire universe, one way or the other, life cannot exist. That's just gravity.

We have also the cosmological constant. That's the density of empty space, which controls the expansion rate of the universe, how fast the universe is expanding. This is so finely tuned that if it was off by one part in 10 to the 120th power—that's a 10 with 120 zeros after it—the universe would expand too quickly and galaxies would not be able to form.

I could go on and on and on. The strength of nuclear force, that's the power that holds protons and neutrons together in the nucleus of atoms. If it were 2% stronger, there would only be hydrogen in the universe. If it were 2% weaker, there would be no atoms that could be held together. There would be no chemistry, there would be no biology, there would be no life. There's also the ratio of electrons to protons in the universe finely tuned, and the initial conditions of our universe. Now, the probability that all of these conditions would just happen to be the way that they are, without a designer, without an intelligence, without a superhuman mind behind it all, the number is so staggeringly large, that number is larger than the number of atoms in the universe.

And we have people being taught today in our schools that your ancient ancestors used to be fish. And it's never explained, "Well, how did fish learn how to swim underwater? How do they develop that ability?" "Well, it evolved over time. They learned to breathe over time. They developed gills and over billions and billions and billions of years, the ability to breathe underwater." I don't know about you, but if I didn't know how to swim, I'd have about two minutes to learn how to breathe underwater before I was dead. If you can't breathe underwater, you don't have billions of years to figure it out.

These ideas are insane. But they've been accepted and adopted because it's a way to get out from living under God's rule and authority in his world and in his universe. And the Bible tells us that mankind, without Christ, without being born again, regenerated by the Spirit of God, that mankind is dead in his trespasses and sin, is blinded by his own rebellion against God. So that humanity will embrace insanity in an unconverted condition to live in that state of rebellion against his creator.

Our universe does not bear the marks of a cosmic accident. But rather something that was intelligently designed. Existence itself, the fact that we exist, the fact that anything exists, existence itself is proof that there is an eternal God outside of time and space. Because if there was no God outside of time and space, time and space could have never begun. There had to be an eternal God, self-existent, no beginning, no end, for anything to begin, for anything to exist at all. It requires the existence of Almighty God. Take away God, you take away everything.

What It Means to Be an Image Bearer

Now, we are made by God. We are part of his creation, but we are not like the lower part of creation. We are not like trees. We are not like the sand, we are not like animals and apes. We are distinct, though we're part of God's creation. We're distinct from creation, as we bear his image. What does that mean?

It means that we are equal, different persons. We are persons. We are distinct from one another. We think, we choose, we feel, just as God is a person. God in three persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. So too are we persons, individuals who think, who choose, who feel, who reason.

Human beings are not machines. Again, the materialist says we are nothing but biological machines. We're nothing but really good-looking meat. No. We are not machines. We are not animals led and dominated by our baser instincts. We are moral agents, endowed by our creator with a sense of what is right and a sense of what is wrong. We have a conscience. It is hardwired into us, and we judge ourselves and others by that standard of right and wrong. God holds us responsible for our actions of good and evil because we are moral agents. We are responsible for our lives. Our lives, our actions, our thoughts, our words have moral consequences.

If a tiger came in here and mauled someone to death, we wouldn't condemn that tiger for sinning. In fact, what we would do is we would prosecute the person who was so negligent with their pet tiger across the street that let them in here. The owner of that tiger would be morally responsible. Because humanity is a moral agent, and animals are not. They're just led by their baser instincts. But when we adopt the idea that humanity is no different than the rest of creation, then it brings in the possibility that we can just be led by our flesh. We can be led by our desires. We're nothing more than animals, so just do whatever feels good, do whatever comes naturally. But in fact, we are not animals. We are image bearers. We're able to think, we're able to reason, we're able to make choices, decisions that we are responsible for. We have feelings that are tied to all of that. We have the conscience, with God writing on our hearts good and evil, making us responsible before God for our actions.

Not only that, but we have higher intelligence. Humanity is capable of great feats of learning, discovery, of memory, recalling things, of logic, of reason, of producing arts and works of art, of music, of great cinematic feats that lift the soul and lift the spirit. We have the capacity for love. The capacity for love. No other creature has the capacity for love that humanity does, because we are persons made in the image of God. And we are taught to love first and foremost the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, and mind, and strength. And finally, to be created in the image of God means that we are immortal souls. We have an eternal destiny. We will live on forever in one of two places. We will never cease to exist, but will exist for all eternity.

And so God created mankind in his image and likeness, giving us dominion over the earth to use our lives, to use the substance that he gave us to glorify and exalt him, to extend his glory over the creation and into all of the earth. We were not made to live for our own glory. But we were made to glorify, to reflect God's nature, God's character, God's attributes, who he is to the world.

Now, it says here that we were made male and female. There's sexuality there. This distinction between male and female, to be fruitful and multiply, again sexuality comes into play. We'll deal with that more next week of using our sexuality to glorify God. But where I want us to think just for a few more minutes today is that we have to recognize this: that so much of the messages, the words, the thoughts that's brought to us through conversations at work, through music, through media, through movies, through social media, through the news—we consume so much of it, if not most of it, if not 99% of it, is coming from a worldview with the assumptions that are radically different than what God's word says. It's coming with it baked in the assumptions of the redefinition of man. The assumptions of a godless view of the world.

So that we get now to the place where we see the family today eroded in our culture, and it becomes the result of people who are living in rebellion against God and their creator. And we have to recognize it as that. We have to see it as that. We have to see God's design. We have to see that we are not animals, that we are his image bearers, that we are made to give him glory, that our lives don't belong to us. They belong to him. He is our Lord, he's our Savior, he's our King, he's our God. We glorify him by bringing ourselves under his authority and word, or we live in rebellion against him and invite chaos and confusion into our world.

Christ's Restorative Work in the Family

Now in this Ephesians passage, it says that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. And it gives us this beautiful picture of Jesus who sacrificed himself for his people to redeem us as his bride. And that he is working right now to purify us. He is washing us, it says, with his word. So that when he returns, he may present us, his church, to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that we would be holy and without blemish.

That's what God is doing in our lives now today. If you belong to Jesus, this is what he's doing in your life. He's washing you. He's cleansing you. He's making you clean. Cleansing you of what? Of all of the lies of the deceit, of the philosophies of this world that keep us bound. He's setting us free with the truth to produce in us the true image of God again, that was marred because of the fall, that is being renewed and restored because of the gospel, because of Jesus.

So Paul will say in Galatians 4, he says, "My little children, for whom I am again in the anguish of childbirth until Christ is formed in you." This is what Christ is doing. He is forming himself in us. His nature, his character, his image again. Where we were marred by sin and Satan and death and evil, we are now being in Christ renewed. The image of God restored, Christ being formed in us, which is a conflict with the way our world thinks.

Romans 8:29 says that those whom God foreknew, he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son. This is what God is doing in our lives. He's transforming us. He's renewing us. He's making us look more like Jesus. And the more we look like Jesus, the less and less we're going to look like the culture. The less and less we're going to look like the world. The less and less we're going to fit in. And in fact, the more and more we will be salt and we will be light, standing out.

You see, the gospel, what Jesus is doing is not just about saving our souls for heaven, which I'm glad that he did. But it's about Christ being formed in us. It's about being conformed to his image. It's a total redefinition of reality. Where I am no longer number one. He is number one. He is the Creator. I am his creature made in his image for his glory. Whereas before, I pursued my own passions, I pursued my own lust, I did what I thought would make me happy, but now in Christ, I pursue his will, his purpose. And yes, even when it comes to marriage, his word and what it teaches.

This means that now in Christ, every thought must be taken captive. Every philosophy must be evaluated and re-evaluated. Every emotion, every feeling, every desire that I have must be submitted to Jesus Christ. And this is not just a one-time thing where you walk the aisle and get baptized or say a prayer. This is an ongoing daily battle. This is a moment by moment, minute by minute, second by second, taking every thought captive, making it obey Christ.

The gospel is not only about going to heaven one day when we die, the gospel is about how we live on earth. And that by living the kingdom way on earth, we would see his kingdom come and his will be done on earth as it is in heaven. This starts in our homes. It starts with us as individuals. It starts with us as married couples, a husband and a wife. It starts with us as parents. It starts with us as children being obedient to our parents. Living under the authority of God's word is how we seek first his kingdom. That his kingdom would come, and his will would be done on earth, as it is in heaven.

The collapse of the family in our culture, it is the result of a deeper rebellion against God's design for humanity itself. And if we are going to recover strong families in our day, we must begin by recovering this biblical definition of what it means to be human. God is my creator. I was made in his image for his glory.

And this starts and ends and continues at the very foot of the cross, which was God's plan to reconcile the world to himself. The cross shows us the lengths that God was willing to go to purchase us back from death and destruction, to bring us out of the chaos that our world lives in because of sin. And it's as we look to Jesus, as we look to the cross, as we look to his love and his great sacrifice, we see how much he loves us. And so as we begin to think about moving forward, putting some of these practices into place with regards to our sexuality, with regards husbands, and wives, and children, we need to never forget God gave us his word because of how much he loves us. Even if we can't see how this might work in our families, we trust him because he loves us. And he shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, he died for us.

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