Children Obey Your Parents - All In The Family Week 8
Pastor Matt Bell
Sermon Summary
In this continuation of the "All in the Family" sermon series, Pastor Matt focuses on Ephesians 6:1–3, delivering a message specifically directed at the children of the congregation regarding God's design for their role in the family. He outlines three key instructions for children: the action (obedience), the attitude (honor), and the outcome (blessing). Pastor Matt explains that true obedience to parents must be done "in the Lord" and paired with a respectful heart, serving as a training ground for submitting to God's ultimate authority. He also offers practical wisdom for adult children on how to find ways to honor imperfect parents and stresses the importance of walking in forgiveness. The sermon concludes with an invitation to repent of rebellion and a guided prayer asking Jesus for the grace and help to daily honor and obey both parents and God.
Sermon Transcript
Introduction
If you have your Bibles, open with me to Ephesians chapter 5. We're continuing our series called All in the Family that we're working our way through this passage in Ephesians this summer. Our focus today will be on the first three verses of chapter 6. Next week we'll finish this series. Next week will be the final sermon as we look at the role of the parents, God's design for parents in a family. But today we're going to focus on these first three verses of chapter 6. We'll read the whole passage just to have the context.
After next week, we'll have our family camp, which is coming up August 14th with Ezra Institute. I'm really excited about that. It's going to be a wonderful time together. And then that following Sunday, Joe Boot will be with us on August 17th to bring the word. So that's a little bit of where we are going over the next few weeks, but we've spent the summer just feeling really led by the Lord to make an investment into our families, our family life, and God's design and desire for the family as we see in His Word.
This morning, we're focusing on these first three verses of chapter 6, which speaks to and addresses the children of the congregation. I had a mild heart attack when Josh was dismissing the children, because I was saying, "No, no, no, they have to stay in here today."
Scripture Reading: Ephesians 5:22–6:4
We'll start reading in chapter 5, verse 22. If you'll stand with me for the reading of God's Word. We stand to read God's Word because we want to make sure that it's set apart in our hearts as holy, as unto the Lord. The front of your Bible says "Holy Bible." It's not just any book. This book is set apart. It is the Word of God.
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother' (this is the first commandment with a promise), 'that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.' Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."
Let's pray.
Father, we do thank you for your Word. Our hearts are filled with gratitude today for everything that you've done for us in your Son Jesus, and Lord, for the Word that you've given us that reveals you to us, and helps us to live in light of who you are and your work in our lives. Lord, as we address this very important topic today of children, we pray that these words would go down deep into all of our hearts today, and that it would produce good fruit in our lives for your glory, for your kingdom, for the sake of your name. It is in that great name, Jesus, that we pray. Amen.
You may be seated this morning.
Walking Worthy of Our Calling
Just by way of introduction, I want to remind you a little bit of the context of this book of Ephesians. It's maybe my favorite book in the Bible, but certainly at the top of the list of the letters of Paul that is near and dear to my heart. Ephesians has six chapters. In the first three, the Apostle Paul reminds the church of who they are in Christ. He reminds them of what God has done for them in Christ—how God has chosen them, saved them, adopted them, forgiven their sins, and sealed them with the Holy Spirit. They've been saved from their sins by the grace of God. And they've received that grace through faith, through believing in what Christ has done for them. Paul reminds them they are not saved by their own works. Our own works are empty, hollow, and unrighteous. But we have inherited these wonderful blessings from Jesus Christ, our Lord.
Then in chapter 4, Paul shifts from talking about who we are in Christ to talking about how we are to live in Christ. Now that we have been saved, forgiven, and set free from the power of sin, how are we now to live? For the next three chapters, Paul practically shows us how we live the gospel. If you look at chapter 4, verse 1, you can read that shift. He says, "I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called."
To be a believer in Christ is a high calling. I would say it is the highest calling because no one is higher than Jesus. You think of some other high callings in life, maybe serving some noble king or serving in some high position in the government. That could be considered a high and noble calling. But there is no king above our King, King Jesus, and He has called us to serve Him. Just as noble people who have high callings in the natural are expected to live, behave, and conduct themselves in a certain way that reflects well on the person who has called them, how much more the calling we have received from the King of kings and the Lord of lords? We are called to live out our high calling.
The way that we live our lives, good or bad, reflects on the King we serve. We claim as Christians to follow Jesus, and so how we live our lives is a reflection of who it is that we follow and serve. We've spent these last seven weeks looking at the different aspects of the family and how God's people are to approach family life. God has a particular pattern, a particular mold, and a particular structure for the family of His people. But we need to be careful that we don't separate these instructions on family life from what Christ has done for us.
Our calling, as we walk it out in the family, is directly related to what Christ has done for us. It's a response. Christ has given everything for us. He laid down His life, humbled Himself, went to the cross, and died for you and for me. So now, the way we live our lives and seek to obey God's Word is a response. We're not trying to obey God's Word to earn God's favor. God has already shown us His favor in Christ. Now we respond to Him in faith, obedience, and submission to His Word. So wives, if it's submitting to your husbands; husbands, if it's loving your wives; children, if it's obeying your parents—all of it is to be done as unto the Lord, as worship unto Him.
A Direct Message to the Children
Our focus this morning is on these first three verses of chapter 6. Paul here addresses the children in the congregation. This book of Ephesians was a letter that Paul wrote to a church in Ephesus. When they received the letter, they would have gathered together in their worship service and read this letter to the congregation. I find it so remarkable that in this letter, Paul includes specific instructions for the children that are a part of that congregation.
By addressing the children, Paul is showing that they are not just an afterthought. They're not just a nuisance. They're not just, "Let's just shove them over here so that we can get about the real business of the church." No, the children are an integral part of the life of the church. Paul is addressing them because he knows they would be with their parents in the worship service, just as our children are with us today as we practice this on the first Sunday of the month.
Just as Paul addressed the children of the Ephesian congregation, I'm going to address the children of our congregation today. I don't ever remember a sermon specifically to the children when I grew up in church, but that's what we're going to have here today. Children, I'm going to address you today. Just as we address the wives and the husbands, today we are going to address the children who are living in their parents' household.
Children, if you live with your parents today, whether you're two or whether you're twenty, you are under their authority. If you're under their roof, you're under their authority. Of course, as we grow and leave the house, we step out on our own and are no longer under that protection and authority of our parents. But for the children here today who are living with your parents, this sermon is for you. And I know by God's grace, the Lord's going to speak to all of us here today as well.
Paul gives three instructions to the children:
The Action
The Attitude
The Outcome
The Action: Obedience
Children, he begins by saying this. This is the action: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." What is the action? Obedience. That is right.
Who are we to obey? God and Jesus teach us that we should obey our parents. It is God's will for you in your life right now to obey your parents' instructions. Now, you might be wondering, "Why?" Kids are always wondering why. I think the Apostle Paul knew that you would wonder that, because he tells you why. When I was a child, there were a lot of times I did not want to obey my parents. I'm sure there are times when your parents ask you to do something and you think, "I don't know if I want to stop doing what I'm doing and do this other thing."
Why should you obey your parents? It tells you right there in verse 1: "for this is right." God tells us we should obey our parents because it is the right thing to do. In Colossians 3, it goes on to say, "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord." It makes God happy when you obey your parents. If you love Jesus, you want to please Him.
God has given you your parents to care for you, protect you, and provide for you. They are a blessing from God, and He uses them to help you grow up to be the person God made you to be. As parents, we know that you don't belong to us; you belong to God. For a short amount of time, God has placed you children in our care. So children, you are to obey your parents because they are helping you become who God made you to be. If it's right to obey your parents, then it is wrong—it is a sin—to disobey your parents.
I want to draw your attention to the phrase, "in the Lord." This means we should only obey our parents in what we could obey the Lord in. This protects you from doing evil things. I know if you're a child here in this church, you have godly parents. But sometimes in life, even parents can do things that are wrong. We should never obey our parents if they are telling us to do something that is sinful.
The way this comes up the most in our lives today might be in a family where the father and mother have divorced. There may be times where one of your parents says, "Let's not tell mommy about this," or "Let's not tell daddy about this." They're asking you to lie. Is lying a good thing or a bad thing? It's bad. So if your parents ask you to lie, you need to tell them, "I can't lie, because God's Word tells me not to lie." In that way, you can even bring conviction to your parents.
If anybody—a teacher, another parent, a relative—ever asks you to keep a secret from your parents, they do not have your best interest in mind. If they say, "Let's just have this be our little secret," you need to immediately tell your parents. Now, I can already hear my kids asking, "What about a surprise party for mom?" There's a difference between a surprise and a secret. We don't keep secrets from our parents.
The phrase "in the Lord" also means we are doing it as worship to the Lord. If a child is disobeying their parents, they are also disobeying God. If you are living in rebellion against your parents—and this goes for teenagers as well—you're living in rebellion against God. It's a warning sign that your relationship with God is not in a good place.
Because we obey our parents in the Lord, it means we need the Lord's help. To have the Lord's help, you must first give your life to Jesus. I pray you've surrendered your life to Jesus, asked Him into your heart, and made Him Lord of your life. Then you must pray, "Jesus, help me to obey my parents." You really do need God's help.
When I was a child, there were days I obeyed my parents and days I disobeyed. Nothing good ever happened when I disobeyed. I lived with my parents until I got married at 27. I could not think of one single time in those 27 years that I disobeyed my parents and it went well for me. But I could think of many times that I disrespected them and greatly regretted it. Things never go well when you disobey your parents, because when you disobey them, you're disobeying God.
The Attitude: Honor
So the action is obedience. Now let's look at the attitude. The attitude is honor. We see this in verse 2: "Honor your father and mother."
To honor means you value greatly. It means to respect, hold in high regard, and look up to your parents. Paul is quoting from the Ten Commandments; commandment number five is to honor your father and mother. The reason the Apostle Paul brings up the attitude is because you can obey on the outside but still have a bad attitude on the inside. Jesus is more concerned with your heart on the inside than just your actions on the outside.
When your parents ask you to clean your room, what are some ways we could obey but not honor? We could stomp our feet and say, "Why do I have to clean my room? Look at my brother and sister's room! Mom and Dad, your room is a bigger mess than my room!" That is the wrong attitude. When your parents ask you to take out the trash, the right attitude is, "Yes, Mother. Yes, Father. I am so happy to be a part of this family and to contribute to the well-being of this wonderful institution established by God."
This is a high calling, which is why you need Jesus' help. When your parents ask you to do something, pray: "Jesus, help me to obey my parents and honor them. Help me not to be selfish." You can obey without honoring, but you cannot honor without obeying. If you truly have a heart of honor, you will obey.
Children, many of you know the story of the prodigal son. He disrespected his father, took his money, and wasted it. When he came back home, the father forgave him and threw a big party. But remember there was an older brother. The older brother stayed in his father's house and obeyed his father, but he did not honor him. He obeyed with the wrong attitude. When the father welcomed the younger son, the older brother was angry. We want to be like Jesus, who is our great example of both obedience to God the Father and honoring God the Father.
The book of Proverbs says, "A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother." You can make your home full of joy, or full of sorrow. You contribute to the joy in your home by having the right heart of honor. Pray every morning, "Jesus, help me to honor and obey my parents today."
The Outcome: Blessing
Finally, what is the outcome when we honor and obey our parents? The outcome is blessing. We see this in verse 3. Paul says there's a promise: "that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land." If you obey your parents, there will be blessing in your life.
Godly parents want to bless their children. I love to bless my children, but I can only bless them if they're walking in the ways of the Lord. If they are being disobedient and disrespectful, I cannot reward them for that behavior, because then I am training them in the wrong path. But if you honor and obey your parents, it will go well with you. Blessing will come not only from your parents but from God.
Eventually, you will not be under your parents' authority anymore. But your parents are the first authority God places in your life. We need to learn to honor and respect authority because authority comes from God. Rebellious behavior against your parents is rebellion against God. Honoring and obeying your parents is how you learn to honor and obey God. Your parents are like training wheels keeping you upright until you learn how to ride on your own.
If you live a life of rebellion against God, breaking His commandments, it will take your life down a path of destruction and death. The Bible says the wages of sin is death. We need to learn to deal with the rebellion in our hearts while we are young. When your parents ask you to clean your room and you say in your heart, "I don't want to," that is your chance to say, "I need to ask Jesus to forgive me and deal with my sin." When you learn to do that at a young age, it becomes easier at an older age. The consequences of not taking out the trash are minor compared to the consequences of the greater sins we enter into as adults.
If you live a life of submission to God, you will experience God's richest blessings. Jesus prayed to the Father, "Not my will, but yours be done." When your parents ask you to do something, you can even say, "Not my will, but yours be done, parents," and follow Jesus' example.
Here is a simple formula for the children: Obedience + Honor = Blessing. If you obey and honor your parents, you will walk in their blessing. And when you are an adult, if you obey and honor God, you will walk in His blessing.
A Word to Adult Children
I want to say a word for the adult children in here, which we all are. Sometimes when we grow up, we look back and realize our parents were not the most honorable. How do we, as adult children, honor our parents? I think this commandment transcends all ages. As we leave the home, there's autonomy in establishing our own family, but the command to honor remains.
If you look back on your childhood and see your parents did things that were not honorable, we have to look for things we can honor. We can say, "Yes, they failed in this area, but they did this, and it was a blessing to me." Maybe your father wasn't there emotionally, but he provided for you. Maybe your mother wasn't there the way she should have been, but she put food on the table and clothes on your back. You can honor them for that without bringing up everything they did wrong.
Honoring doesn't mean you agree on everything. My father and I disagreed on everything; all our conversations were debates! But you can still honor and respect someone even when you disagree with them. It manifests in your heart, your tone, and your words. Look at King David before he was king. Saul was trying to kill him, yet David still honored the position Saul held as king, even though Saul was a dishonorable man.
If you have a hard time doing that, it's an indication that there is a place in your heart you need to deal with before the Lord. You may be walking in unforgiveness. Unforgiveness can turn into bitterness, and it never stays isolated; it will always spread to your other relationships. You need to confess that sin before the Lord and ask Him to help you forgive. Forgiveness is a process. It can take many years. You might have to pray, "Lord, help me to forgive," and then pray it again five minutes later. Through that process, the Lord brings freedom from our past.
Conclusion and Closing Prayer
In conclusion today, God wants to bless you. God's heart toward you is one of love and blessing. But just like an earthly father cannot bless his children if they are disobeying and disrespecting, neither can God bless us if we are disobeying Him and the parents He has placed in our lives.
Kids, what does your attitude toward your parents reveal about your relationship with God? If you're not honoring your father and mother, it shows you are not honoring God. This is your opportunity to say, "Jesus, forgive me for disobeying and disrespecting. Help me to obey your Word." If you do that, it will go well with you.
I invite you to stand with me this morning. Our prayer teams will be up here and happy to pray with you. Why don't we just bow our heads and close our eyes here for a minute?
Children, have you been obeying your parents? Have you been walking in obedience and honoring them? Or have there been times you've let your own desires creep in and been disobedient? Maybe you've even lied to your parents. This is our chance right now to have our hearts washed clean before the Lord, to have a new beginning. That's the wonderful thing about the gospel—it's full of fresh starts. It starts with asking Jesus to forgive you and asking Him for His help.
I want to lead us all in a prayer today, especially the children. Let's say it together:
Dear Jesus, thank you for loving me. Thank you for sending Jesus to die for my sin. Help me to obey my parents. Help me to honor them. Forgive me for when I don't obey them. Forgive me for my sins. Help me, Jesus, to live for you. In Jesus' name, Amen.
We can pray that prayer every day, and I believe if we do, it will go well with us as we walk with Jesus. Amen.