The Husband's Duties - All In The Family Week 6
Pastor Matt Bell
Sermon Summary
In this sermon from the "All in the Family" series, Pastor Matt preaches from Ephesians 5 on the husband's duty in marriage, summarizing it in a single word: love. He explains that a husband's love must be patterned after Christ’s perfect love for the church, outlining four key aspects of this calling. First, it must be a sacrificing love, prioritizing selfless action and giving over mere words. Second, it is a sanctifying love, where the husband takes initiative in washing his wife with the Word of God and shepherding her spiritual growth. Third, it requires a sheltering love that cherishes, honors, and protects her as a delicate vessel against the enemy's deception. Finally, it must be a strengthening love that spiritually nourishes the family through the husband's own vibrant, disciplined walk with Christ. Acknowledging the impossibility of meeting this standard in human strength, Pastor Matt concludes by urging men to humble themselves, confess their inadequacies, and rely entirely on the sustaining grace and power of Jesus Christ.
Sermon Transcript
Introduction
If you have your Bibles open with me to Ephesians chapter 5, we will be again looking at our theme verse on the family. We're in a series called All in the Family. We're spending time this summer looking at the family, God's design for the family, God's purpose for the family, and how each of us are called to live out our lives in relation to that.
Last week, of course, we looked at the wife's duties in a marriage, and this Sunday, this morning, we're moving on, and today we're looking at the husband's duties in marriage. But next Sunday, we'll take a brief break from our series, and we have a special guest speaker who will be with us next Sunday morning, and that's my dear friend, Pastor Ben Buffkin. He'll be here ministering for us next week, and I'm really looking forward to having him here and spending some time with him. He'll have his wife, Estelle, here with them as well. So that'll be next Sunday, a little bit of a break, and then we'll jump back into this family series.
Scripture Reading
So today, from Ephesians chapter 5, we're looking at the husband's duties in marriage. The husband's duties in marriage. So I invite you, if you would, stand with me this morning. We're gonna jump right in today. We're not gonna waste any time getting into God's Word. We're going to be looking at, again, this theme verse. We've looked at it several times, but again, this morning, Ephesians chapter 5 will start here in verse 22. It says:
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.
'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother' (this is the first commandment with a promise), 'that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.' Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."
Let's pray.
Father, we do thank you for your word. It is that lamp unto our feet and light unto our path. Lord, though our world and our culture and our nation has chosen to walk away from the light of your word, to not follow after the path that your word outlines, nevertheless, God, you have called us out of darkness and into light.
And so today, God, I pray that you would help illuminate our paths by the light of your word. Lord, that this word to us would be your word, not the words of an apostle or the apostle Paul, but your words inspired by the Holy Spirit. And Lord, that you would show us where in our lives we need to yield ourselves more completely, humble ourselves, submit ourselves to you fully, and that we would live for your glory, that we would live shining as lights in a dark and dying world. In Christ's name we pray. Amen.
The Husband's Duty: Love
You may be seated this morning. We did focus on last week the duties of a wife in marriage, and if you were not here last week, if you missed it, I would encourage you to go and listen to that. But today, we are starting here in verse 25 with the husband's duty in marriage.
Now, as I mentioned last week, sometimes we don't like that word "duty," especially as tied to marriage, because often we think that duty and romance aren't compatible. They seem like they are at odds with each other. And I reminded us last week that when we get married, we make vows to one another. And in those marriage vows, one of the things that we promise is that we will perform unto our spouse all of the duties that we owe them as their spouse. Duty does not have to be a drudgery. Duty can be a glorious thing, can be an honorable thing, can be something to be admired when someone is faithful in keeping their word and keeping their vows, even in the midst of great, sometimes hardship and difficulty. And so this is what we're looking at here today. Where do we find these duties that we have vowed to in marriage?
Now, I know that there's many people here today that are not married, and maybe you are looking for a spouse. Maybe you're here a single lady today looking for a husband. As we start to walk through what these duties are, this should paint for you a portrait of the kind of man that you are looking for in a husband. So even though you are not a wife here today or you may not be married here today—maybe you're a single man here today that aspires to be married—you need to know that when you do get married, this is what God is calling you to as a husband. And wives who are here today, you might say, "Well, what does this have to do with me? This is just for my husband." You can even begin to pray and intercede that God would help your husband to be the kind of man that he has called him to be, that we will see here revealed in God's Word. So there truly is something in here for everyone here today.
But the husband's duty can be simply summarized in one word: love. Husbands, your duty is love. To love your wife. And I'm glad that God made it simple for us. One word. Love. What is my duty? Love. And if that's all you hear today, and that's all you take away today, I will have been successful this morning. Love, that is what we are called to. We are called to love our wives. The whole of our duties can be summarized, are encapsulated in this one word: love.
Now, a husband's love for his wife will never compare to the measure of Christ's love. Christ's love truly is without limits. Without measure. The way in which Christ has loved us, has laid himself down for us, we could never, even on our best day, hope to love our wives in the measure of Christ's love. But yet, we are called to pattern our love after the way Christ has loved us. Our capacity as human beings is limited. We're limited in our abilities. We're limited in our capacities. We're limited in even our energy levels. But in all of those things, Christ is not limited. He is eternal. Our motives, oftentimes, even in marriage, are not pure. They are compromised, but his motives are perfectly pure. The measure of Christ's love we could never compare to, but the pattern—the pattern we can imitate the best we can, the kind of love that he displays towards us, his church.
So the question arises, how did Christ love the church? He says that we are to love our wives as Christ loved the church. In what ways does Christ show his love for his church? And how well, husbands, you are able to answer that question will relate directly to how well you are able to love your wife. So if I ask you, husbands, "How has Christ loved the church?" and you say, "Uh, I don't know," that tells me a lot, not just about your relationship with God, but now your relationship with your wife. It tells me you don't know how to love your wife if you don't know how Christ has loved you.
And so this makes meditation and reflection on the work of Christ paramount to the husband fulfilling his duty to his wife. Meditating on the love of Christ is not simply a theological exercise. It becomes an immensely practical exercise, because the better I am acquainted with, I feel deeply Christ's love for me, the better I can then as a husband go and show that kind of love to my wife. So before we even get into how Christ has loved us, I want to ask you husbands, how often do you think about, meditate on, dwell on Christ and his love for us, his love for you? If you don't think much on Christ, you won't be fulfilling, living out the duty to which Christ has called you. We must be well acquainted with the love of Christ, meditating on his love, often, daily, moment by moment, so that we can love our wives the way he has loved us.
So this morning, we're gonna look at five—four. I've cut it down. Four aspects of Christ's love. Four aspects of Christ's love. And you might, like me, after we look at these four aspects today, you might say, "I need to grow in all of these." And that's how I felt this week preparing this sermon. And let me just say, I'm not sharing these with you as the person who lives these perfectly by any stretch of the imagination. My guess is go talk to Heather after church, and she can give you probably a whole list of ways in which I fail in this. I'm not presenting this to you as the person to follow. I'm presenting this to you as this is what God's word says, and this is what God has called us to. And so like me, I'm sure all of you husbands, and even single men who aspire to marriage, would say, "I need to grow in all of these aspects of Christ's love." But as I present these four to us this morning, I want to encourage you: pick one. Pick one. Take one that you are the weakest in, and say, "This week, I am going to endeavor, by the grace of God and the power of the Spirit, to grow in my showing of love, this kind of love to my spouse." This week, and then next week, take the next, and so on. Start where you lack the most because that is the easiest to begin to make up ground.
1. A Sacrificing Love
So number one, we see in this a sacrificing love. Sacrificing love. Husbands, verse 25, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Jesus sacrificed for us. He gave himself. He loved so much. John 3:16, the most famous verse in the whole Bible:
"For God so loved the world that he gave..."
He gave. So this kind of love, this sacrificing love, this love is an action. There's the famous song that says love is a verb, not a noun. It's a verb. Love is not love without action. If there's no action behind it, there is no love. Love is not expressed simply in words or simply in feelings. The truest expression of love is not in word, but in deed. In living out our love.
Now, words are wonderful. I love words, and we should, husbands, express our love to our wives in our words. And rightly expressed words can stir our emotion. They can even entice romantic feelings, which is great. I am all for that. But some men think that this is the extent of love. That simply making grand statements and gestures and declaring their passion and love is the sum total of what it means to love somebody. But they follow it up with no action. They don't live out what they express. There is no giving, there is no sacrifice. Instead, often these grand expressions are not rooted in a heart of love at all, but end up rather being self-serving.
Sometimes men use charming words to bend young women to their whims and even sexual advances. So young single ladies, do not fall for a man who is simply a smooth talker. Action is what matters. Action is what matters. And if you are with a man who is not respecting you as a woman, by pursuing you outside of marriage, hear me, that man does not love you. He loves himself. He loves himself. He's only interested in what he can get. But Jesus's love is a love that gives. A love that gives, a love that pours out. Jesus gave his very life. He poured out his very blood. There are many smooth talkers in the world who want to talk their way into a young lady's bedroom, but have no intention of commitment, have no intention of sacrificing whatsoever. Don't fall for a man like that. It is much better to be married to an ineloquent man of great character than a selfish, smooth talker who is morally compromised. Action is what matters.
The missionary Amy Carmichael said this about love. She said:
"You can give without loving, but you can't love without giving."
God so loved the world that he gave. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave. It's an action. And what was it that Christ gave? It says he gave himself up for her. This is the love of Christ. It's not always pretty. Sometimes it's a little gritty. When you look at the cross, it's a horrific display, truly. But it's the most beautiful thing in the world. Jesus laying down his life, suffering, suffering for his bride. Taking upon himself what we deserve. Our sin, our shame, so that we could be clothed in his righteousness. There is no greater love than the love of Christ. There is no greater example of love than Christ's love. God showed his love for us in this: while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. He gave himself. He gave all of who he is. He gave his everything. And this shows us that he loved us more than he loved himself.
And this is the type of love that a husband is called to show to his wife. A selfless love. A love that's not about, "What can you do for me?" See, the world's love is totally transactional. It's not really love at all. But it's totally transactional. "I'll love you as long as I get what I want out of this relationship." No, love is not about getting, love is about giving. Christ loved, he gave, he gave himself. He laid his very own life down, a selfless love.
I think that many husbands—and if I ask the husbands in here today, the husbands who are willing to give their lives for their wives, they would be even willing to die for their wives if I asked that. I bet every single husband would stand in here this morning. "Yes, I would be willing to die for my wife." I think many of the husbands in here, we would not hesitate in a moment to stand in the face of great danger if it meant protecting our wives. But the great irony is that sometimes those same husbands who would so quickly lay down their lives, oftentimes are so selfish when it comes to the day in and day out living with their wife. We would die in a moment. But Jesus calls us to die every day. To lay down our life every day. We would go out in a blaze of glory. But we think, "Well, how much glory is there in this daily sacrifice, this daily surrendering, this daily giving?" If we are willing to lay our lives down for our wives in a moment of glory, we should be willing to do it in the small things as well. Amen.
What this shows us is that this headship that it talks about, that Christ is the head of the church and the husband is the head of his wife... Because Christ is our example, he shows us that headship is not tyranny. Headship is not tyranny. Headship is not trampling, just as Christ is not a tyrant in our lives, but he is gentle, he is lowly, he is humble. He serves us. So likewise, husbands are not called to be tyrants towards their wives, but are called to be selfless, not selfish. That's that sacrificing kind of love.
2. A Sanctifying Love
The second kind of love is a sanctifying love. We see this in verse 26 that Christ gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her. And it tells us how he does this: by cleansing her, that's the church, by the washing of water with the word.
Jesus's love is a sanctifying love. It is a cleansing love. Jesus washes us with his word, even right now. As we are receiving his word, it is washing over us. It has a purifying effect in our lives, cleansing out our old way of thinking and replacing it with his way of thinking, which is the reality, which is truth itself. So his word washes us and he himself washes us with his word. But his word not only washes us and cleanses us and purifies us. His word refreshes us. It is a refreshing thing to be sanctified in his word. His word strengthens us. Have you received strength from the Word of God before? The promises of God? His word encourages us. Have you ever been down, discouraged, feeling the weight of the world, and you come to God's word, and it brings courage and builds you up? It lifts you up as you reflect on the all-consuming promises of God that are yes and amen in Christ. So God's word, it purifies, it cleanses, it refreshes, it encourages, it strengthens us. These are Christ's words to us and what they do in our lives.
And in a similar way, husbands are called to sanctify their wives with their words. So two thoughts on this. Number one, husbands, what kind of words are you speaking to your wife? Are they in the pattern of words that Christ speaks to us? Sanctifying words, cleansing words, encouraging words, strengthening words, pure words. Are they those kinds of words? Are they words that build up? Praising our wives for who they are and how they are a life to us, a spouse to us, a companion to us, a help to us. Or are they words that tear down? A critical spirit. Always finding fault. Nothing she ever does is good enough. Always needs a little tweak, always needs a little adjustment. What kind of words are you speaking to your wife? Are they after the pattern of Christ's sanctifying word? Or are they after another pattern of words tearing down?
I think this is an area that we must seriously consider. "Am I building my wife up with my words or am I tearing her down?" Listen, if you're tearing your wife down with your words, you're tearing your own house down. Jesus says, no one ever hated his own flesh. We should love our wives as we love our own bodies, care for our wives as we care for our own bodies. If you tear your wife down, you're tearing yourself down. We are one flesh. What kind of words would you like someone to speak to you? Do unto others how you would have them do unto you. The golden rule. What kind of words are you speaking to your wife? That's the first thought. Are they like Christ's words?
The second thought on this is that the best words you could ever speak to your wife would be God's word. Would be the scripture. This is the only perfect thing on planet Earth. This is it. There's nothing else perfect in this world. Everything else is at fault, everything else is tainted by sin. Even our own love for one another will be imperfect. There's only one perfect thing in this world. Of course, it is the word of God. It's God's word. And so the best words that I could ever speak to my wife would be God's Word. Those words would be perfect. And so how can I do that unless I am hiding God's word in my heart? Unless I am daily spending time in God's word. You can try all your life and you will never find any words better than these. You will never find more powerful words, you will never find more transforming words. So husbands, it is our duty to speak God's word to our wives. Words that cleanse, words that refresh, words that encourage, words that strengthen.
Just as Jesus washes us with his word, and this shows his ongoing commitment to our flourishing in our spiritual life. Just as Jesus takes responsibility upon his shoulders for our spiritual life, for our spiritual condition, husbands, we are likewise called to take responsibility of our wives' spiritual state, spiritual condition. This is something God has called us to. Husbands, the state of your wife's spiritual life, it is our responsibility. God has placed her under our care. We must take this on our shoulders.
Now, of course, wives as individuals are accountable to God for their actions, for the state of their soul, absolutely. I'm not negating that at all. Of course, as an individual, she is accountable to God. But she is also under our care as part of our family. And husbands, it's our job to shepherd our wives' souls. You husbands are your wife's first pastor. Shepherd. This love that is sanctifying. I want you to feel the weight of this responsibility. This means this sanctifying love, it means that we are loving our wives in such a way that they are growing in Christ, that they are flourishing in Christ, that their love for Jesus and Christ and his kingdom, and his word, and his will, and his ways is growing, not diminishing.
Here's a thought I want us to consider today, husbands. Is your wife more like Jesus because she is married to you? Are our wives more like Jesus? Are they growing in the image of Christ because she is married to you, or is she more like Jesus in spite of you? There are positive forces in our growing in Christ, and there are negative forces in our growing in Christ. We can grow in Christ through encouragement, people coming alongside of us, helping us, leading us, guiding us. That's positive reinforcement. And then there's the negative. Where we are being tested, where we are being tried, where our patience is being put to the limit, and we are having to show the love of Christ despite how we are being treated. Husbands, which one are you in the life of your wife? Are you the positive influence helping her grow in Christ, or is she growing in Christ in spite of you, in response to your negative influence in her life?
I pray it is the positive. Because truly that is our calling. That is our calling to shepherd our wives' souls. Sharing the word of God. Making the word of God, and our commitment to the word of God, central to our life together as husband and spouse. That is our calling. Taking this responsibility, not just for our own spiritual condition, but for hers as well, on our shoulders. This requires us to take initiative. To be a leader, to be out front, not to be lagging behind.
I'm going to meddle with you right now. If you didn't think I was meddling, here we go. Buckle up. Husbands, your wife shouldn't be the one to say, "Are we going to church tomorrow?" Ever. In fact, husbands, that should never be a question in your house. It should be a given. Do you think Heather asks me on Saturday night, "We going to church tomorrow?" It's not a question. It's not a question. You say, "Well, that's your job, and you have to show up." Yeah, it is. But, even when we go on vacation, we go to church. It's not even a question. Why? Because this is the Lord's day. And God's people are called to be in his house and worshiping him and taking the Lord's supper and focusing on him on the Lord's day. Husbands, this needs to be a settled issue. As for me and my house, we serve the Lord. On the Lord's day, we're gathering with God's people.
I understand things come up. I understand people get sick. I'm not saying there's no extenuating circumstances, but what I am saying is it shouldn't be your wife driving this bus. You're the head of your household. You should be driving this spiritual bus. If you have children in the home, you should be getting the children ready on Saturday night. It's time to start thinking about tomorrow morning. You know what? I can't remember when it was. It was a few Sundays ago. I wasn't preaching. I think Pastor Mark was preaching, and maybe it was after I had back surgery or something. I woke up on a Sunday morning, and I couldn't believe how easy it was to get here by 10 o'clock. Like, we would have had to try to be late to not be here by 10 a.m. Like, it's so late in the day. We got up, we lounged around, we had our coffee, we read our Bible, we had breakfast. It's like, "Well, I guess we could get the kids up." We got the kids up, we got them dressed. It was the easiest thing. 10 a.m.? 10 a.m.? Like, it hadn't really dawned on me how easy it is to get somewhere by 10 a.m., just until a few weeks ago, when I just came to church, and we strolled in here 20 minutes before church, and it was like, because there's nothing else going on.
Now, if you stay up till 1:00 a.m., 2:00 a.m., 3:00 a.m., watching whatever show you're watching, filling your mind with, you know, whatever, then you're going to be a little bit groggy on Sunday morning. But if you say, "No, we're going to go worship God tomorrow. I want to meet with God tomorrow. I want my mind to be alert. I want my heart to be tuned. I want my heart to be ready." Husbands, drive the bus for your house. Amen. Man, y'all are whatever. Whatever. This is God's word, okay? You don't like it? You take it up with him.
So taking responsibility requires taking initiative. That means you're out front. That means you're the leader. It means you are responsible for the spiritual growth or lack of it in your household. And if there is not spiritual growth, you need to get your gear engaged. You need to say, "Okay, what is going on here? Why is there no growth? Why are we not growing in our sanctification, our holiness, our righteousness, our love for Christ, our love for his word?" Something is not right. I need to work. I need to figure this out. I need to spend more time in prayer. I need to spend more time asking godly men to give me counsel on this. But you can't just sit back and say, "Well, whatever, we're just going to ride this out." No, you are the head. You are the leader. It's your job to be the sanctifying force in the life of your wife and family.
3. A Sheltering Love
Number three, kind of love is a sheltering love. We see this in the word "cherish," where it says that Christ nourishes and cherishes us as his church, and in the same way, husbands are called to cherish their wives.
Listen, when you cherish something, you protect it. When you cherish something, when you care about something, you guard it. Because it is precious to you. Think, husbands, of your most prized possession. How do you care for it? How do you protect it? How do you shelter it? My most prized possession are my grandparents' Bibles and my parents' Bibles. I prize those more than anything else on the planet. I would run into a burning building to grab those. Under that would be some of my guitars, my musical instruments. They were gifts to me from my father. I cherish them deeply. Listen, when you cherish something, you take care of it. You protect it, you guard it, you don't leave it out in the backyard to be exposed to the elements. You bring it in. There's a special place where I keep my parents' and grandparents' Bibles in a case. I keep my instruments in a case, they're locked away. I don't keep them out where—now I do have some instruments that I don't cherish. And I just keep those out, and I let the kids play with it, and there's peanut butter and jelly, and all kinds of stuff all over it. But the ones I cherish, there's a special place for it. They are protected. The destructive forces that are my children, they know, they cannot touch these. They are off limits.
Some husbands put more time and attention into caring for their car than they do their own wives. And just as we don't leave the things we care about exposed to the elements, so also we do not leave our wives exposed to the attacks of the enemy. To the lies and the deception that is so rampant in our world. This is what Adam failed to do in the garden. He did not shelter. He did not cherish his wife. He did not protect her from the lies of Satan. He had the authority to kick the devil out of the garden, and he didn't. And husbands, you have the authority to kick the devil out of your house. This word is a sword. Do you know how to use it? Do you know how to wield it? Are you using it? Are you wielding it? Or is it gathering dust? We have to protect our wives from the lies of the enemy, from the deception of the enemy.
And sometimes—this would be the most politically incorrect thing I say all day. Husbands, sometimes we have to protect our wives from their runaway emotions. Because women feel things more deeply than men. That's part of what makes them awesome. But what is a great strength can also be a great weakness. And sometimes husbands, we have to say, "You know what? We need to tone this down a little bit. We need to dial this back a little bit. There's emotions that are being runaway; a fruit of the Spirit is self-control." Now, husbands, as you share that information, you better be sure you're self-controlled in that moment. Or we might be having your funeral next week. But we have to protect our wives. From the lies of the enemy, the deception in our culture. It is rampant. And Satan is sneaky. He is subtle. We have to be well attuned to picking the weeds that want to grow up in our household, in our souls.
1 Peter 3:7 says this:
"Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered."
This verse says that we are to live with our wives in an understanding way. Husbands, that means if you're not seeking to understand your wife, you're not being the kind of husband you're supposed to be. You might say to me, "I just don't understand her." Okay, great. Are you trying to? Because if you're not, you're not doing what God's word tells you to do. Part of your job is to try to understand your wife, where she's coming from, what's going on in her heart and in her life. The challenges that she's facing in the marriage and in her life.
And then it says to show honor to the woman as the weaker vessel. Now, I know this is, again, super politically incorrect, and who cares? It's the Bible, it's God's word. There's certainly a case to be made for physical strength, and I think we've all seen that play out the last few years, especially when men compete with women in women's sports. They're just totally dominated. You take one of the loser men, and their natural strength has the potential to be much superior. That's obvious to everybody. I'm not saying that every man is stronger than every woman. That's not what I'm saying. But I'm just saying the potential for strength is much greater in men physically.
But I don't think that that's all that this verse is talking about. It says that we are to honor our wives as the weaker vessel. It's an interesting choice of words. What I think this is saying is that wives, women are more delicate than men. They are like fine china. They're special. They're meant to be honored. They're meant to be cherished. They're not the plates you take camping. They're not meant to be beat up. Men are meant to be beat up. We are rugged, we are ugly. We are utilitarian. A woman is not that. She is to be honored. I think as the more delicate, the more beautiful, to be celebrated. I think that's what it means. And here, it says that we are to have that special place in our hearts for our wives.
Husbands, your wives are not supposed to be like you. If God wanted another you, he would have given you another you. If you needed another you, he would have made another you. Husbands so often fall into the trap of, "I wish my wife was more like me." Why? Why? There's already one of you. She's meant to be different. She's meant to have a special place in your life as someone who's different than you to work together to build God's kingdom in your home.
But notice it's really interesting. He says that they are heirs with us, of the grace of life, co-heirs of Christ. But he says that we need to honor our wives so that our prayers may not be hindered. Think about that. How you treat your wife will affect your spiritual life. How does mistreating our wives hinder our prayers? If we mistreat our wives, if we don't love our wives the way we are called to, we will have a guilty conscience before God. And when men have a guilty conscience before God, they hide from God. And we don't pray. We don't spend time with the Lord when our conscience is guilty. We're like Adam. We want to get away from God. And so our prayers will be hindered in the fact that if we go to God in prayer, we know we'll be convicted of sin. That's an uncomfortable thing. And so many men refuse to pray because they have a guilty conscience before God because they know that they mistreat their wives. That's the first way that their prayers are hindered. The second way that their prayers are hindered is they mistreat their wives, but they refuse to admit it. So they're proud, they're boastful, they're haughty. They come before God, not in a state of humility, but a state of pride, and we know what God does with that. God resists the proud. And so in that way, our prayers are not heard, they are resisted by God because we're not coming in the spirit of humility. No men, we must treat our wives in the right way: honoring, respecting, loving, cherishing, protecting, and in that way, we can go to God with a clear conscience and not have our spiritual life and our prayers hindered.
4. A Strengthening Love
Number four, kind of love is a strengthening love. Aren't you glad I toned this down? I had, like, seven points, and I have whittled it down to four. Aren't you glad? Say amen. We're almost done. A strengthening love. We see this again in verse 29 that Christ nourishes and cherishes. So it's this nourishing. And I've said a little bit about this already, so I won't belabor these points, but husbands, we set the spiritual temperature of our home. The spiritual life of our home flows directly from our spiritual life with Christ.
Oftentimes husbands are all too willing to abdicate this responsibility, and instead look to their wives to lead in the spiritual life, in the home. Now, it's not that the wife doesn't have anything to offer in regards to spiritual matters. Of course, she does. Obviously does. She will be a vital part on the right hand, absolutely involved in all of it. But the husband should take the lead. The husband should set the tone. The husband should plot the direction. The husband should take the initiative if we hope to see our families nourished in the things of God. If the husband's relationship with Christ is dead, dry, and lifeless, it will be even more difficult—I won't say impossible, but it will be all the more difficult for the wife and children to have a vibrant, fruitful, spiritual life. However, if the husband himself is actively engaged in his walk with the Lord, the family will naturally follow his lead and fall into that pattern. So husbands, your family will be spiritually nourished from your walk with Christ. Your family will either be spiritually nourished or spiritually malnourished by your time in the word, and by your time in prayer.
I know many guys say, "Well, I don't really know the Bible. I don't really understand all these things." Listen, friends, ignorance is not an excuse. We have more access to Bible teaching, Bible training, Bible curriculum, than any other generation that's ever lived in the history of the world. We literally have no excuses. And you need to understand that this is your responsibility, and you will stand before God. And he will ask you how you shepherded the soul of your wife and the soul of your children. And you will not have an excuse on that day. God will say, "I gave you an app. I gave you a website. I gave you a pastor. I gave you leaders. You had access to God's word in an unprecedented way." And what a shame and an embarrassment that we know the numbers of the players on the sports teams. We know intricate details about the plays and their lives and who was drafted when and at what point. And we are total ignoramuses when it comes to the Word of God. We don't know Ephesians from Philippians. We don't know Paul from Peter. We don't know the Old Testament from the New Testament. But we know how many championships Michael Jordan had. We know why he was a better basketball player than LeBron James. There is no question about it. And we can engage in knowledgeable debates and discussions about sports ad nauseum, but when it comes to the things of God, our mouths are silent because we are babies. And I'm here to say, God's word says, you need to grow up. You need to take responsibility for your own spiritual walk, for the spiritual life in your home, because you're gonna stand before God. This isn't about me and you, this is about you and God. And I pray that you hear the words I long to hear on that day: "Well done. Good and faithful servant." Amen.
I was gonna read John chapter 15 today. We're not going to do that for the sake of time. So husbands, that's your homework this week: John chapter 15. Talks about Jesus being the source of our spiritual life. Husbands, you need to read that this week. You need to study it this week. You need to ask God to show you how to live that this week. You need to pray through it. You need to meditate on it. You need to chew on it. You need to know more about Christ than you know about Trump. You need to know more about the church than you know about what's going on with whatever political problem. Some of you know more about what's happening on the other side of the world than you do that's happening down the hall in your own home. Amen. It ought not be that way. God placed you in that home to be as Christ to that home. To love, to cherish, to sanctify, to sacrifice, to shelter, to protect, to give strength to. That is why he made you. He's called you to himself. He's filled you with his spirit.
Conclusion and Closing Prayer
Brothers, this is a high calling. It is a high calling to love our wives as Christ loved the church, to pattern our lives after the greatest love there ever has been. What could be a higher calling than this? And yet every husband in here today, I feel you should recognize just how daunting this task is. Just how an impossible task this is. It's like standing at the foot of Mount Everest. How in the world could I ever hope to do this? To assume such heights, to love as Christ has loved? Not because of any inadequacy in my own wife, but the inadequacies in my own heart, the sin in my own life, the failures that I battle with daily, the temptations in the world.
If you feel desperate today, good, because we cannot do this on our own. We cannot do this in our own strength. It's only by the grace of God. It's only with the all-sufficient and moment-by-moment sustaining grace of Christ. That we look to him. We engage with him. He is our source. He is our supply. He is who has our attention, our thoughts, our focus, our affection. And it's only when we keep our heart and our eyes fixed on him that he gives us his strength, that he gives us his power, that he helps us to do what he has called us to do. But if you try and do this in your own strength, you will fail, and fail miserably. And even guess what? Even if you try in his strength, there will be days where we fall and we fail. But the Bible says a righteous man, though he falls seven times, he keeps getting up. He keeps getting up.
Listen, I'm here to call on some of you men who, you have given up. You've just, you've tried it and it didn't work. You've fallen into sin. God is calling you here today. Get up. Get up. Get on your knees. Go to Christ, take your sin to him, confess your sin, confess your failures, confess your inadequacies. Call out to him for help. And he will supply. The good news is that Christ has promised to give help to those who humble themselves and approach him in faith.
I don't know what the state of every family is in here today. I don't know which one of these kinds of loves you need to grow the most in. But I do know that we can't do it on our own. I do know that if we try in and of ourselves, we will fall short every time. Our own ability is so limited, we truly have to reach out to him in faith for the help that we need. And the good news is that he is there. Anytime of day or night, at any moment, to pour out his spirit, to bring forgiveness, healing, help, and strength. You don't have to be like Adam hiding in the shadows. God is calling out to you through the cross, through grace, through mercy, to forgive your sins and to put your feet on solid ground. But we must humble ourselves. We must confess our sins. We must be willing to confess our sins to him, and even at times confess our sins to one another. We can either have our pride, or we can have the kind of lives and marriages that God has called us to have. We cannot have both. We cannot have both.
To love our wives as Christ loved the church, we have to humble ourselves just as Christ humbled himself. He suffered the shame of the world on our behalf. And likewise, we have to humble ourselves when we come to God. But hear me, friends, there is an ever-flowing stream that Christ opened for us at the cross. That we can receive new life. New hope. And even new desires as we look to Christ in faith. Amen.
I'm going to invite you to stand with me this morning as we close in prayer. I want every man here to know this. Every husband, especially. That you have what you need in Christ to live the life God has called you to live. I believe that. I know that. I believe in you. I believe in your ability to lead your family as you follow Christ. He has supplied for us everything that we need. If you feel inadequate, go to Christ. If you feel inadequate, seek out help in your community group, but we have, he has supplied for us, all we need, according to his riches and mercy. So let's go to him now in prayer.
Father, thank you for supplying us all we need in Christ. Lord, if we had to do this in our own strength, it would be the most soul-crushing thing that we could ever imagine. How in the world could we ever love someone as much as you have loved us? And yet, through your spirit and through your word, you empower and enable us to pattern our love after your love, to love our wives the way that you have loved us.
Father, I pray that you would help the husbands of this church to have a sacrificing love. A sanctifying love. A sheltering love. And a strengthening love for their wives, as you have loved us. Give us your strength and help us through the power of your spirit. Lord, today we even recommit to being the men, the heads, the leaders of our household that you have called us to be. God, forgive us for our inadequacies, our shortcomings, and our failures, and help us to walk in the newness of life as new creations that you have made us. In Christ's name, we pray. Amen.